Recently, a columnist for the Chicago Tribune received a letter from a male virgin. He was inquiring whether a guy is ever too old to be a virgin. Several people wrote back either critiquing or supporting his choice. Oddly enough, I was watching an MTV show last week where men in their 20s was practicing celibacy (or at least attempting to). I Googled to learn what the show was and what do you know- they are holding auditions in the spring for a show where they take adult virgins on a journey to lose their virginity.
It kind of makes you wonder if they are going to do a show where they support a girl losing her virginity. Probably not.
But honestly, when it comes to the double standards, men are stereotypically expected to engage in sexual activity earlier and more frequently than women. And we all know what women who measure up to men in sexual activity are called.
Therefore, I know, for me, when I hear a man within my age group say that he's never had sex with anyone, I'm a bit shocked at first. After much cultural conditioning, I, like many of my friends, expect that to be gone by the time a guy has a bachelor's degree.
Along with the initial shock, I also wonder what it's like for him when it comes to relationships. From experience and observation, I know plenty of men who would like to think that they are the only person their girlfriend has been intimate with. Knowing anymore could lead to insecurity. I could only imagine how it could possibly be with a guy who hasn't had one partner.
I will admit that I admire the guys who have chosen to remain virgins into their 20s, 30s and even into their 40s. It takes a lot of self control.
Do you think a guy is ever too old to be a virgin, why or why not? Would you have a problem dating a male virgin? Have you ever been in an adult relationship with a guy who was still a virgin and how did it work for you? And from the men who are virgins who are reading this, why the wait?
Thursday, August 2, 2007
So you haven't done it yet?
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8 comments:
It's all about the "sexual imprinting" of previous sexual partners that does so much damage to us. Sex is a magical bond that unites a couple so when its treated as a right of passage or expectation, it hurts us all for a long time to come more especially the future spouse. I've had more than one friend make the statement that they felt they short changed their wife because of their pre-marital infidelity.
My husband now and I were both virgins when we married each other. I respect him so much for waiting until our wedding night. He never pressured me and that meant more to me than anything. I had strong beliefs and feelings about saving my virginity until I got married and it was pretty cool to find someone who had the same beliefs I did.
I think virginity is beautiful. But when you're nearly 30 and you've never ever done it (and this isn't a conscious, Christ-based decision) then I, as a 20-something woman, automatically think "GAY." Something with you is not allowing you to be comfortable with a woman and/or your sexuality.
i must admit that in my teens and earlier 20s (i'm 20-something) i thought that a non teenager guy who was still a virgin was a bit odd. i assumed that something must be wrong with him or that he was gay. but now i don't automatically think to the negative. but i do have a problem with media creating shows that follow people trying to lose their virginity. i'll admit it would make a hilarious raunchy comedy film that i would more than likely watch. but for it to be reality tv, there MUST be a line in this sort of "entertainment" television
I would give an adult virgin the same eye that I would give a guy in his late 30’s who has never been in a serious relationship. Sad to say this, and many of you will disagree but--the average woman would pay more attention to a man who has infidelity issues than they would a 20 something virgin.
So men, if you’re reading this - NO, It’s not romantic...NO, it is definitely not the norm and YES, it’s weird. More power to you for doing the smarter and safer thing but good luck finding a woman who actually understands that you’re pushing 30 and you’ve never had sex before.
I think it is really pathetic that we think "older" men who are virgins are weird. Since when do we think it is right for men to sleep around? Why is it ok for men, but women who sleep with more than one person are considered whores? Sounds really fair. Why are were encouraging our men to sleep around???
As a 47 year old male virgin, it really annoys me that everyone assumes that I've had to exert myself to stay this way, when in fact I've never felt I've had any control over the situation. Woman have their own minds, and they don't have to do anything I ask of them sexually.
so in other words mark plus you are not a 47 year old virgin by choice? that just proves the point of many of the posters that there is something a little bit odd/wrong about an older man who's a virgin.
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