I just finished reading an appropriately titled book by Jane Green about a woman who married a man who had someone else in his life. But the other woman wasn't his mistress. She was his mother.
To the wife, the mother was a thorn in her side. Nothing she could do seemed good enough for the mother. To make matters worse, the wife felt her husband never stuck up for her. The couple argued all the time, and they weren't happy together. They didn't have a healthy relationship.
A man's relationship with his mother isn't the only parent-child relationship that can turn a love relationship sour. A Daddy's Girl can be just as bad as a Momma's Boy if she always turns to her father for advice on everything from fixing the car to managing money.
When Daddy's Girls and Momma's Boys first turn to their parents, rather than their partner for advice, it can undermine the other person. It can make them feel unimportant or second-best when it comes to decisions that affect them and their own family.
To what extent do you think being a Daddy's Girl or Mama's Boy puts a strain on a relationship? Have you ever felt that a significant other chose a parent over you? What role should parents play when a couple gets married? What are your own experiences with your SO's parents or your in-laws?
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
'The Other Woman'
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Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Who comes first: girlfriend or mom?
Some men just don't know when to cut the cord.
We've all heard horror stories where a man can't stand up to his mom and lets her (a) walk all over him or (b) walk all over his girlfriend/wife. The girlfriend/wife often gets fed up with her man/boy, and threatens him to choose her or his mom. Disaster strikes when he chooses his mom.
Now, to a certain extent, being a "momma's boy" is OK. If your significant other loves him mom, treats her well and looks after her, that's a sign of a man with a good heart. It's when he constantly looks to her for approval and swallows every word as if it were covered in chocolate that you have a problem.
But what can a good girlfriend do about it? She can swallow her pride and put up with it, but that's no good for her own sanity. Or she could kick him to the curb, as this one advice columnist advises.
Personally, I think first you should try to talk to your guy about what he's doing and why it bothers you. If he's just asking mom for advice all the time, ask him if maybe he could come to you or (gasp!) make his own decisions for once. If he's letting him mom bad mouth you and not standing up to her, you should tell him you won't stand for that and if he doesn't clean up his act, you're gone.
Of course, if talking doesn't work, sometimes you just have to break up. Pretty soon he'll learn that there are certain things he can get from you that he can never get from his mom.
Have any of you had experience with a momma's boy? What did you do? Guys, have you ever had to choose between your lover and your mom? This is a two-way street, too. What about daddy's little girls?
posted by Rose at 11:39 AM 2 comments
Thanks, anon, for reading often and pointing out that we've already brought up this topic. After writing a few hundred blogs, they all seem to get jumbled around in the head! Let's try to take the same topic and use different spin on it, though. Shall we?
Let's focus on the question: What role (if any) should parents play when a couple gets married? To expand, does your new spouse become your first priority over your parents?
We can have different discussions about the same topic, I think.
You girls need a vacation...
"You think " ????
Thanks for the advice!!! We never thought of that.
I apologize that we cannot read over every blog we've written previously. Unfortunately, because we have to pay our bills, we have to make our job our first priority over this blog. That doesn't give us a lot of time to review what has been written before.
And since we're not rich, we cannot afford to take a vacation at the drop of a hat either.
Nevertheless, we can accept guest blogs or even ideas. We have requested such and yet and still, our e-mails show no one wants to contribute.
Why is there so much talk over the topic: (you girls need a vacation) How rude was that? Yes, I agree these hard working successful young women do need a vacation from working a 9-5 and coming up with blog topics to keep readers entertained. NO. Maybe you need a vacation and a life.
Maybe you need a vacation "somewhere in Europe" : ))
It all depends on what kind of skillz he has though. If the guy's got skillz then he's a keeper and you should never ever kick him to the curb but if he ain't got them then it doesn't matter he's just useless.
To the last commentator - thank you for your enlightening input. So insightful and helpful to many. You speak so eloquently of skillz and their importance. Personally I am finding the very informative vacation argument on this page titillating reading.
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