A lot of people say there is nothing worse than the horrific break-up where the two parties hate each other.
But to others, the amicable breakup can cause just as much pain.
The amicable break-up has a much greater chance of placing you in what I like to call "relationship purgatory."
This is a painful place because you know where you stand, but you don't. The other person may still be calling you on a fairly regular basis. The two of you don't hate each other. It's very obvious that you both still care. You may even almost feel closer than you did during tough times in the relationship.
However, no one mentions anything about returning to a relationship, yet no one seems ready to move on. In some ways, it can be pure hell and lead you to question why the break-up even took place.
Have you ever been in relationship purgatory? How did you handle it? How did you get out of it? Are you still in it?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The pains of relationship purgatory
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3 comments:
A simple solution to the problem of the recent ex constantly calling - DO NOT PICK UP. The simplest way to move on is to actually MOVE ON. It may be hard to do, but its what's necessary (if you truly want to move on). Too many people complain about this "hell" that they're in post breakup. But guess what - it's self-inflicted! If the break up was amicable and you're still "friends" then be that, but don't be friends under the guise of worming your way back into that person's life.
I'm sorry Nym, but sometimes it's really not that simple. There are all sorts of scenarios that cause people who really love each other not to be able to be together, but to completely shut that person out of your life isn't right. It's tough to work through it and try to revert to being friends after being romantically involved, but there are just a lot of nuances, it's not that easy to walk away or not talk to that person.
I'm not saying that my stance applies in every situation. But, if you truly want to move on (like I previously stated) the best way is to maintain some distance from that person, especially right after the break up. Its naive for people to think that ALL exes can remain friends after a breakup. Its not possible or even healthy. Sometimes (alot of times) its just best to make a clean break. Just think of someone who is trying to lose weight. In order to be successful in your weight loss you need to alter your behavior, change your lifestyle. If you know you have a weakness for Oreos, don't buy them. If someone offers you offers say no thanks and walk away. Its simplified, but that's the principle that I was saying to apply in this case. You can't keep doing what you were doing and expect change.
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