In today's Dear Abby column (I confess, I am a Dear Abby junkie), a woman writes in about her attempt to date younger and less educated men. She did this at the urging of Abby, who previously had told her to "get off her high horse" and try dating men outside her box.
Here's what she had to say:
"DEAR ABBY: I wrote you about a year ago regarding my difficulty in finding a single, educated, relationship-minded man. You advised me to lower my high standards and date outside my preconceived notions of who Mr. Right was - - someone younger or without a college degree.
I dated several men who matched the description. At best, things were uninteresting. Taking your suggestion to "get off my high horse," I have been involved for six months with a man slightly younger than I, with a high school education and children. He's a good man, a good father, and treats me like a queen. However, we're completely incompatible. Intellectually, we're miles apart.
Much as I care for him, I am breaking up with him. I have returned to school to work on my MBA and would rather be single the rest of my life than live a lie for the sake of love. The one thing I have learned from this experience is a newfound fulfillment in being single. -- STILL LOOKING IN NEW ORLEANS"
I have to say, I have never dated anyone without a college degree. I also have not dated anyone significantly younger, but that would be pretty hard since I'm young myself anyway. While I can see how it would be enlightening to date someone younger or less educationally prepared, ultimately, I side with the reader. If you can't connect on an intellectual level or you're just in a different place in your life, a relationship likely will not work out.
I'm not trying it be Miss Smarty Pants, and I'm not saying that a piece of paper is what determine someone's intelligence. Some very thoughtful and bright people may not hold college degrees for various reasons. It's just that people in relationships need to stimulate each other on several levels, from physical to emotional to intellectual to sexual. If one is absent, it's like missing a piece to a puzzle; it will be almost perfect but never complete.
Have you ever dated anyone who was not as smart as you? If you hold a college degree, would you date someone who didn't? How important is intellectual stimulation in a relationship?
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Intellectual stimulation
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66 comments:
Dating someone not as smart? Isn't it a bit arrogant to
even presume you are smarter than your date? I mean unless you are dating a kumquat, why should intelligence even be a factor? Treat your date with the respect he or she deserves. Forget the IQ.
Would I date someone without a college degree? In a heartbeat, I married a woman without a degree. She's bright, articulate, and goregous.
To first anon, you are a man. It's a lot harder when you're a woman with a college degree and try to date someone without. Not only are you not on the same page intellectually, but I've found that many guys get intimidated by a woman who has gone to college.
Also, I don't think she is necessarily talking about book smarts. I think Rose is probably referring to whether or not someone can hold a conversation of mutual interest or how well they can express themselves.
Furthermore, it's nothing new for a man to date or marry a woman not on his level, especially if it boosts his ego. Sir, I wonder if you could handle a woman with the same degree level as you?
am single, with a Masters degree in economics, minor in history. have dated women with and without college degrees...both single and divorced...with and without children. not intimidated by any of them, regardless of intellect. think it's elitist of the blogger to suggest that men/women with college degrees ate intellectually more stimulating. some of the college educated women i have dated in macon seemed quite one dimensional-junior league, reliving college days, etc
I think you all need to read what rose said:
"
I'm not trying it be Miss Smarty Pants, and I'm not saying that a piece of paper is what determine someone's intelligence. Some very thoughtful and bright people may not hold college degrees for various reasons."
Puh-leeze...a college degree doesn't equal intelligence (seriously, read this blog for an extended period of time)
Bill Gates? Would he not stimulate your mind?? He never had a college degree and there are plenty of people like him.
Anon #1 was right - it is arrogant to assume you are smarter than your date, especially when you are a 20-something with teen movies ranking as your most favorite.
Ok, I'm going to veer down a completely different path here. While I don't think a college degree equates with intelligence, I do think it sometimes makes a person more understanding of many of the things that I do. For instance, I joined a Greek organization while in college that I am still dedicated to until this very day. I go to meetings, community service projects and social events on a regular basis. I have noticed that when I date someone who has not been to college, they only think of such organizations as a bunch of keg parties and drunkards. When I date someone who did go to college, even if they never joined such an organization, they understand that we have principles we live by and many of us serve the community.
And I also think that it would be arrogant to assume that a billionaire is automatically intellectually stimulating. There are different types of intelligences and if it's not the type you're into, it can get quite boring.
That's just my two cents.
Skip the part about IQ and consider whether that woman in the article really had that much in common with the guy she was dating.
Probably not.
It's just like dating someone who isn't as sociable as you, isn't as ambitious or as creative. Sometimes these differences aren't a big deal but if you like being in the company of social butterflies, you are going to have problems hanging on to a hermit.
You can find smart, interesting people without diplomas just easily as you can find dullards with diplomas. Who knows, you might dig educated dullards.
I agree whole heartedly with anon #7. I too read that dear abby column and thought "the person she dated may not have had anything in common with her". Most people need to realize that a college or advanced degree does dictate level of intelligence. & neither does where said degree was obtained(there are many a dimwits at Ivy League schools, many). Many highly intelligent people did not have the opportunity to devote 4 or more years to the pursuit of highe education.
Keeping with the Bill Gates example, no he did not get a degree, yes one might assume that the richest (self-made at that) man in the world is intelligent, but does that automatically mean you can hold an engaging (key word here) and stimulating conversation? No, not necessarily. I would be bored to tears talking about how the DOW Jones and NASDAQ plummeted for the umpteenth day in a row or the latest innovations on the tech scene. And before any hollers at me, I hold a Masters degree and work in higher ed administration.
I think what Dear Abby was trying to get at with the column was do not automatically assume that someone who has less education than you is "not on your level". But also did not think she meant go out with the high school drop out with 5 kids by 3 different women and is 10 years younger just because he's hot. It's all about finding balance and keeping an open mind. Whoo, I didn't realize I had so much to say on this topic.
The point about Bill Gates was mainly that a piece of paper doesn't necessarily equal intelligence.
I know a lot of people with college degrees who are not very bright - socially or intelligently.
College degree - unimportant in itself, as is an IQ test. "Smart" - very important. Seriously. I once had a roommate who could not understand the underlying concept of a feedback system as it relates to the thermostat. Could I date someone like that, not in a million years.
To the extent that a college degree might indicate certain experiences, it could be important.
I don't know who the hell you are, but a random Google search put me here.
Fascinating read/subject.
My thoughts:
1. While college does not necessarily dictate intelligence, the opposite applies. Namely, the brightest minds are attracted to the schools - as opposed to the inverse. There IS a distinction between varying levels of intelligence - as much as the Plebeians would self-interestedly disagree. A degree does not necessarily indicate intelligence. But intelligence indicates intelligence. And most intelligent people pursue higher education. That's a fact.
2. Bill Gates "didn't get a degree", but he was a computer genius as a teenager - and was smart enough to begin his studies at one of the best universities in the world. Again, you cannot equate degrees solely with 'intelligence', but deductively asserting that Bill Gates sets some sort of precedent for dullards being on par with math geniuses is the dumbest thing I've heard in awhile...
3. While everyone is different, the topic of this blog entry is about intellectual stimulation in the context of a romantic relationship. If the author (which she does) clearly indicates that it is important to her, it makes NO SENSE to argue that she is incorrect in her own assertion!! If you disagree, fine. But you can't invalidate the author's feelings. While I have dated many women - with varying levels of intellectual stimulation and education - I am most compatible with women who have pursued higher education. Do geniuses subsist in our intellectual economy without pursuing post-secondary education? Very rarely. It's possible, but not very plausible.
4. My final point is more of a question: What if you are a GENIUS? Like top half of one per cent genius? Like certifiable, IQ-substantiated, anecdotally-interpreted genius? These human beings are renowned for isolation, due to sheer mathematics (ie most human beings are much lower on the IQ scale). If intellectual stimulation is a chief criterion for a romantic relationship, does that mean you are doomed if you are an intellectual elite (statistics-wise as opposed to being an asshole)?
I think love comes in many forms - and all people look for different qualities in a prospective partner - but the subject of this discussion is fascinating. Truly.
Bobman
I am not sure if this comment will be relevant to those posted previously, but I recently started dating a gentleman who has a degree in sociology and is will be receiving his MBA in less than four months. I am midway through getting my BA and sometimes I feel like we don't alway connect intellectually, however each time we have a conversation and I don't understand a particular area of interest or something he mentions, I make it a point to educate myself on the subject. I don't think it's all that bad to become involved with someone who has achieved an "intellectual status" that doesn't quite match-up with yours. I actually find it rather inspiring and very stimulating because I am being turned on to subjects and topics that are really intriguing, but that is one of my personal and aspirational goals in life ( learn something new from everyone, everyday). I honestly think it would be a complement if I were dating someone who was slightly younger, who wasn't as "knowledgeable", but wasn't opposed to learning new things or discussing topics unfamiliar to them. I am all about boosting and helping dendrites grow not egos.
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Just wondering if eBay makes it possible for you to market [url=http://www.ticketchoice.com.au]concert tickets[/url] online? Do you know if you will find any restrictions based on what country you are in?
My parents have just known as me and asked if i could "get rid" of their two tickets to some concert as they wont have the ability to make it due to yet another family event.
Besides asking friends etc, i thought ebay would be a fantastic place to sell them.
But whats ebay's policy on selling tickets? Ive heard alot about it for the news but ive forgotten what happened.
and if it matters, the concert is within this coming month
Thanks ahead of time for your advice.
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Есть диск на 80 гигов. Недавно с него перестал грузится комп. Винда не ставится выкидывается на БСОД. Подцепил к другому компу для проверки. Обратил внимание на следующее: свободное место чуть больше 7 гигов, хотя реально занято менее 10 гигов. Чем ещё потестить?
Сделал скрин, но не знаю как сюда загрузить. Ссылки здесь не пропускают.
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