It's time to talk about a very sensitive topic: relationship envy.
What is relationship envy exactly?
It usually occurs when you're in a fairly stable relationship and your friends who are either a) single or b) in an unstable relationship, begin to hate on your relationship for no apparent reason.
The key word there is apparent.
There are a multitude of reasons your friends could be behaving this way (And mind you, I'm talking about when they react this way while you are in a healthy relationship, not dating a jerk). Your friend could be insecure. Your friend could be projecting doubts about her own relationship onto you. Your friend could be concerned about losing you to the relationship. Or your friend could just be simply jealous.
The problem is like anything else involving the green-eyed monster, it has a tendency to grow and often results in outbursts that could cause permanent harm to a friendship. However, as noted in my definition of relationship envy, it usually comes with one clear symptom: your friend making negative statements abaut your relationship for no reason.
So, if you're the person in the stable relationship and you see this coming, it may be a good time to hold back on talk about your relationship with the friend until they appear to have cooled off. You may even want to inquire about what's going on in your friend's life.
As for the friend who is suffering from relationship envy, it may be a good time for you to do some self-evaluation and go out and get involved with something to refocus some of your attention. If you suffer from relationship envy and you're in a relationship, maybe you should place the focus back on your own relationship. Trust me, I've been on both sides.
Have you ever suffered from relationship envy or been on the receiving end of it? How did you deal with it? Did it have any effect on your friendship?
Friday, July 6, 2007
Relationship envy: a damaging affliction
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2 comments:
When I was in a relationship I had a friend who was the biggest HATER. Her man and my man are best friends so all of us use to hang out. When they broke up she spent huge amounts of time making comments about my BF. She started rumors about him doing stuff behind my back. The girl is a drama queen and when I dropped him I dropped her.
I think sometimes there may not be an apparent reason, but sometimes there is a reason that the person being hated on just doesn't see. Maybe the person in the "healthy" relationship talks sooooo much about how great his/her significant other or the relationship is that it may breed jealousy in the single friend(s) or friend(s) in a craptastic relationship. Sometimes people bring situations on themselves and don't even realize. Is it right or fair? No. But stop rubbing salt in the wounds of others and the others won't feel the need to react.
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