My friends and I were recently discussing a wedding that didn't take place because the bride's sister informed the groom that the bride had a past that included incarceration. Other information was also shared. Mind you, this information came within a month of the planned ceremony.
These questions came into the discussion: Was the sister wrong for telling the groom? Shouldn't the sister's loyalty lie with the family and not the future spouse?
Of course, there were mixed reactions. Some said the sister was downright wrong for telling her sister's business. Others said the bride shouldn't have kept such information from the groom.
I, myself, have been in a situation where a friend of a guy I was dating informed me that the guy was cheating on me and playing me for a fool. Even though I was grateful, I understand that the guy still holds a grudge with his friend to this day. Though, they are still friends.
At the time, though my friends were glad that I had learned that information, they all said that the guy friend was wrong for being the one to inform me. They also said if one of their friends did something like that to them, they would most certainly end that friendship.
With hindsight on my side, I can see where they are coming from. If someone is your friend or your family member, they are supposed to support you and show loyalty.
These questions came into the discussion: Was the sister wrong for telling the groom? Shouldn't the sister's loyalty lie with the family and not the future spouse?
Of course, there were mixed reactions. Some said the sister was downright wrong for telling her sister's business. Others said the bride shouldn't have kept such information from the groom.
I, myself, have been in a situation where a friend of a guy I was dating informed me that the guy was cheating on me and playing me for a fool. Even though I was grateful, I understand that the guy still holds a grudge with his friend to this day. Though, they are still friends.
At the time, though my friends were glad that I had learned that information, they all said that the guy friend was wrong for being the one to inform me. They also said if one of their friends did something like that to them, they would most certainly end that friendship.
With hindsight on my side, I can see where they are coming from. If someone is your friend or your family member, they are supposed to support you and show loyalty.
But I also see where the informants are coming from as well. Even though the person is a friend or a family member, you still think that what they are doing is wrong, especially if you think highly of the person they're doing it to.
I can't say whether I would inform someone, whether they're dating a friend or family member, of such information or not and I consider myself loyal. It would probably depend on a variety of factors.
I can't say whether I would inform someone, whether they're dating a friend or family member, of such information or not and I consider myself loyal. It would probably depend on a variety of factors.
However, I do know that when someone holds back secrets and misbehaves in a relationship, they shouldn't be surprised that it will come out one way or another.
How do you think you would handle the situation if you were in a position to be an informant? What if you were the person doing wrong in the relationship? Where do you think the loyalty should lie and how far do you think you should go with that loyalty?
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4 comments:
Well it seems to me the sister had something against her. If the sister was upset with the situation, I think she should have discussed this with her and not run to the groom. I would like to know more about the two sister's relationship, that could be a much better clue to this.
As for your BF friend telling you, did he maybe have a crush on you himself? Just wondering...
Actually no, not that I know of. And, if he did, he did a good job of keeping it to himself over the years.
Also, I approached the guy I was dating with the information and he told me the truth in detail in case you were wondering.
Loyalty to a point. When some piece of information is going to affect another person's life deeply if you tell them, like in making an important decision, or hiding it is going to hurt them more than telling them, I say go ahead. That person's happiness is more important than friendship with someone who is a liar or a cheater anyway. My opinion.
I would have a conversation with the offender (the person I was close with) that said that I loved them but disagreed with what they were doing. I would tell them that I thought it was immensely unfair to both the people they were with and potentially dangerous (can we say "diseases," anyone?). I would urge the offender to tell the person what they were doing and threaten to do so myself. If this did not work, I would strongly consider somehow letting the situation slip to the other person.
It may be a question of loyalty, but it's also a question of honesty and integrity -- on not only the person who's doing it but also the person who watches it happen.
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