A friend of mine forwarded this article to me last week in which a happily married woman vents about others inquiring when she is going to have a baby.
While I am not yet married, I understand much of her plight. Ever since I graduated from college and got my first job, "well-meaning" family members and friends have inquired about when I plan to settle down and begin a family.
Like the author of the article, I've also noticed that when I mention my most recent career accomplishment or my latest adventure to some of my friends and family members who have children, I'm advised that I need to start contemplating settling down. Sometimes, it's like that with the friends who are in very serious relationships as well.
But I still love traveling at a moment's notice. I love my job (80 percent of the time). I love just being by myself right now. Right now, I'm passionate about a lot of other things that have nothing remotely to do with motherhood.
Now, while I say all this, it is much worse for one of my closest friends who has been married for five years. Before she even got married, people assumed she was pregnant because she got married in her early 20s. Five years later, she has no kids and people still get a little too excited when she has a gut from being overzealous at the buffet. But she still has a husband and she travels all over the country. Plus, who has time for a child when trying to turn your house into a perfect home.
Have you ever felt this pressure and how did you react to it? For those who are mothers, how do you balance your other passions with motherhood and, as the author of the article, make good role models for others as they contemplate venturing into motherhood?
Monday, July 23, 2007
My ovaries, my decision
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3 comments:
I don't get the pregnancy question too often, since most people who know me know I don't plan to have kids. I decided a long time ago that I didn't want kids, but people can't seem to accept that I don't want "at least one!"
The other annoying question is, "When are you going to get married?" My BF and I have been together for almost 7 years, and don't really feel like marriage is necessary at this point in our lives. I always hear, "But don't you WANT to get married?" I haven't really decided yet, but that is apparently not an acceptable answer.
Out of my nine aunts, three are married with children, one married twice with no children, one married twice with two children and everyone else is single and loving it. Needless to say, marriage and bearing children are the last topics of conversation when we discuss future plans.
That is until I became pregnant. Now, that "when are you getting married?" question is curled up beside me like that cat that can predict death. And while before my pregnancy, marriage or being settled was truly understand woman who feel like society is squeezing their ovaries (or ring fingers) in expectation of the supposedly inevitable.
At the end of the day though, after I've gotten all worked up about what some random person has said about my ringless finger, I remind myself that the only person living this life is me and that the only that OPO (other people's opinions) can rule my life is if I allow them to.
Also, a good book on this issue is Flux by Peggy Orenstein
-- pregnantinthecity.blogspot.com/
ugh, i swear if one more person asks me "so when are you gonna have kids?" i am going to go all mike tyson on them. whenever i say "oh im not ready" or "later...much later" they get all mad like everyone needs to pop out all their kids by 26. that might work for some but not this one.
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