Not everyone out there is a first-time dater.
Some people have been married and divorced, and others may have suffered the death of a spouse. After being married for so long, it can be no easy feat to jump back into the dating pool — especially if you're afraid to belly flop.
Lately I've been addicted to a blog on msn.com called Single in the Suburbs. The blog chronicles the daily life of a divorced woman with a teenage daughter whose ex is now dating someone much closer to his daughter's age than his own. Unsure how to start dating again, the woman enrolls in an online dating site, and her adventures begin.
Early on in her blog, the author ponders how dating may have changed since she last had a date. Seeing as how I've only been dating in this decade, I'm curious for your thoughts.
Do you think dating rituals have changed since you were younger? In what ways? Have they changed for the better or the worse? What customs should disappear, and what do you wish would come back? Please include your age (or ballpark), so we can have a frame of reference.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Do dating rituals change with time?
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16 comments:
Well, as we all know, chivalry died a while ago. I'm only 25 years old and I remember when I first started dating, a guy would come to your door. Now, they just honk the horn and expect you to get in the car. And don't expect them to open the door for you. Also, I remember when people actually talked on the phone or in person. I was talking to my 16-year-old sister the other day and she told me she only talks to her boyfriend on Instant Messenger. She doesn't like talking on the phone but she can find four hours worth of information to discuss on Instant Messenger. Now I understand why interpersonal communication skills are lacking this days. So two things I would bring back: chivalry and the physical act of talking.
you have only been dating in this decade? and you are writing a dating blog?
Why not? Part of dating is learning how it all works. Plus, I don't think the older you get the better dater you become. I never had claimed to be an expert. That's the purpose of this blog -- to share ideas and experiences.
All of the "older" folks who comment on this blog and try to bash these young ladies for their "lack" of experience, you all really need to stop. You mean to tell me the baby boomers got it right? You guys have a lot of nerve to look down on the twentysomethings from your lofty perch. Let's look at the divorce rate. Your generation was that of free love and weed. How do you think we got to where we are now? At least these young ladies are raising some interesting issues for everyone. Puhleeze. And for you older women who snagged a man, how long did it take you to finally do it? Did you keep him? And are both of you actually happy? Still laughing? Still having sex? If you are, please guest blog as the ladies have offered, so the "unexperienced" can get this thing right.
To " Tired of the Macon love haters"...sounds like to me that you are bashing and hating on the "baby boomers " !!
Yeah, hate to burst your bubble but " free love and weed " is still going on !!
OK, back on topic. Yes, dating rituals have changed over time. I'm over 50 and can remember being extremely nervous about asking someone to go on a date, then the excitement that followed when that person said yes. I would make it a point to meet at my date's door, often with a flower or some other small gift. I would escort her to my car and open the passenger side door for her. If the date went well, it was not uncommon to spend time afterward sitting in an all night diner or perhaps in the park, just talking.
The only "text messsaging" we did was to write long letters to each other when we were apart for more than a few days.
I would just like to thank the last Anonymous for staying on topic.
As for the Anonymous or Anonymouses who continue to leave negative remarks, Rose has repeatedly requested that guest blogs as well as ideas be submitted. As far as I know, we only continue to receive these remarks and opinions which do not further the broadening of this blog. Like Rose, I invite constructive criticism and ideas. That is not synonymous with anonymous bashing on the bloggers' or the commenters' ages or experiences with relationships.
As we all know, there are people who are wise beyond their years and there are old fools.
Is it really necessary to open all doors, pay every bill and throw coats into puddles? I think not, though chivalry does comes in handy during the initial stages of dating. Chivalry is a great way to convince your lovely lady that you mean business. What girl doesn't want a guy to go out of his way doing nice things for her. The downside is that constant chivalry can be a drain on an established relationship.
The modern girlfriend realizes that in all fairness her man shouldn't have to pay for everything or constantly be her knight in shinning armor (the “gold digger” has yet to realize that she is nothing more then a glorified prostitute). An equal partnership is the most fulfilling and least stressful partnership.
A modern relationship has more room to thrive if both partners simply respect each other and make an effort to blur the lines between the sexes. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't treat her to a dinner out or flowers, it just means that she should turn the tables once in a while and pay for game tickets.
Giving gifts should never be about how much you spend but about how much you care. Aside from spending any money at all, be sure to be chivalrous in your actions. Being considerate towards each other on a daily basis helps create a unified bond. Bring home his favorite chocolate bar next time you're grocery shopping, leave a note of encouragement for her on the day of her big interview.
Grand gestures are nice on occasion so long as they aren't consistently one sided. So all of you Prince Charmings out there it's time to expect a little more from your damsel because she's really not in terrible distress.
I'm in my mid-twenties and I say that dating has totally changed.
Dating these days means hooking up for sex...and maybe a meal and even the meal will probably be Dutch.
It's not ideal, but, hey, it gets the job done. :O)
To " more bang, less buck " you sound like one of those "thugs" that girls need to stay away from before they get an unwanted STD or worse yet another child with an absent father !!! You are a great example of scum and a loser!!
Bang does kind of have a point. Dating these days has become a formality prior to the "main event". It sucks that peoples morals have shifted. But if you're consenting adults, and you want to skip dinner altogether, it's your business. Young women have to set the tone for what's acceptable, and have to be selective about who they want to spend their time with. Men will go as far as you let them. If you tell a man to knock on your door when he comes a callin', if he respects you, he will. If not, he'll find a woman with lower standards. Women just can't settle out of fear of being lonely. You can get what you want when you set the standard.
People aren't serious about anything these days. Dating and sex are just an example of how things are. Simple.
Another issue worth mentioning is the ease in which sex frequently occurs in the early dates. This is a great shame. Certainly from a woman's point of view, however emancipated you may be, your greatest weapon and gift is your body. A man who is attracted to you will want to sleep with you, yes. However if you really want that man and would like to build a relationship it is absolutely essential that you do not sleep with him in the early stages. Desire over a longer period will capture the feelings and interest of a man. His emotions and feelings will become heightened the more elusive you are sexually. There is absolutely no gain to be had in having sex on the first few dates unless your aim is purely sexual too.
I cannot spell this out too strongly. If you want to win a man's heart, do not sleep with him immediately. An honest man will tell you that if you have sex with a girl on a first date, you may enjoy it, but you are almost certain not to want to date her because you were simply too easy. Men are hunters, then enjoy the chase, and the longer it goes on, the greater the respect and the more likely you will win his heart. Within limits - too long and you may lose him! he is a man, not a saint. I admit that this sounds like a sermon, but it is a tactic that works. If you simply want sex then fine, but if you want a relationship, hold off.
Guys, if all you want is sex, then do the lady a favor and go and pay for a magazine. You will tell her whatever she wants to hear to get her into bed. You can be slick, calculating and tell amazing lies but the following morning you will simply be seen for what you are, a lizard. The fact is, if you are a guy and reading this hopefully you are looking to date properly and are not looking for cheap thrills. In which case great. But do your dates a favor and back off from pressuring for sex in the early stages. Being sexy does not mean wanting sex. And another tip guys, leave the sex talk for later, especially in the early stages of dating. It comes across as sleazy and manipulative.
And finally. The first time you sleep together will be amazing if there is great anticipation and build up but can equally be an absolute disaster. Frequently it is the latter. It takes time to get to know each other in bed so take your time and never base the quality of sex on that very first time. Things can change and get a whole lot better. This is where your communication skills will be at their most important.
Great post, I am almost 100% in agreement with you
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