When planning a girls' night or guys' night out or even a getaway with your friends, it's usually understood that it's a time to let your hair down around friends doing whatever it is you enjoy doing together.
But every so often, you will have one friend who asks to bring along their boyfriend because "he would love to see that" or "that's his favorite restaurant." Or sometimes, she just brings him.
I've also known many guys to have a problem with their guy friends bringing along their significant other to what was intended to be a "friends-only" event.
Now, you may be asking yourself, what is the problem? Well, often when you bring a significant other, especially one who is not well known, it changes the atmophere and dynamic of the situation. Mind you, I made the mistake of doing this when I was in a relationship before and got called on it. My friends felt like they couldn't be themselves and felt like certain topics couldn't be discussed.
A few years later, the tables turned on me. And while I'm pretty much the same around anybody, I noticed that when you bring a significant other along, it leads to the following three things 1) the friend often will focus more time on the significant other than the rest of their friends, 2) that attention often leads to it feeling like a date where you and a couple of other friends tagged along (especially if PDA is involved), and 3) single, unattached friends in the situation feel very left out. It's gone from being a fun outing to possibly a spectacle or even a full-out desire to leave.
There are sometimes when coming as a couple is appropriate. Usually, during those times, everybody else is bringing a significant other or someone else along as well. Or sometimes the couple was a part of the group of friends before they were together.
Have you ever been in a similar situation? Did it go well for you? If so, why and if not, why not?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Can I bring him/her with me?
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7 comments:
The first time a friend asked if she could bring her boyfriend along I was a little offended because I was under the impression that it was going to be just "the girls."
However, I have since decided that it's better to just welcome anyone, and if you want an event to be "just the girls" or "just the guys," note it on the invite or say it up front. Now if I especially only want the girls, I just say it's time for a girls' night.
I don't really find that my friends behave differently around guys and girls. (Which is probably why so many guys can get scared off ...)
What happened to " Roxy " ???????
I effing HATE when people bring along their significant others especially when it's a girl's night out. One of our last days in college, we had a girls night out (dinner and other stops).
One of the girls secretly (she kept getting up during dinner and talking on her cell. We should've known) invited her boyfriend who showed up right after dinner. According to her there wasn't enough room for all of us to take her car.
So we took public transportation and the lovely couple was supposed to meet us at the next stop. Well they didn't. They didn't even call and say they weren't coming. What makes it worse is that she was one of the girls ride home!!
Yes, where is ROXY ????? She disappeared !!!!
Hahahaha...I haven't disappeared, I just won't be contributing to the blog anymore!! : )
Trust me, Raven and Rose MORE than have it covered! Despite comments to the contrary, they have done a great job and will continue to do so! : )
Thanks for all the support!
If it's girls' night out, then you shouldn't bring your BF. If I am going out with the girls, then I tell my BF to call up his buddies and go do something. If we are going somwhere he would like to go, then I tell him I'll check it out and maybe we can plan a night there together another time.
I don't try to butt in on his guys' nights, either. I usually take the time to have a spa night, unless I'm out with the girls. That way he has something to look forward to when he gets home!
if its known that its supposed to be a girls or guys only thing then its a violation for someone to bring their significant other. leave that person at home and tell them to call their own friends to make plans
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