I haven't seen the movie "Knocked Up," but I know enough about it to realize that it's about almost every young, single woman's worst nightmare: getting pregnant after a one-night stand.
Of course, the fear doesn't have to be limited to a one-night stand. It could be any unplanned pregnancy that just seems to happen at the most inopportune time. Awhile back, Roxy wrote about having a contingency plan in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. Say your plan is to keep the baby and try to make a relationship work with the baby's father, but you two just weren't meant to be. Do you stay in the relationship for the baby?
A man I know says that if his girlfriend were to become pregnant, he would marry her no matter what and stay with her even if he didn't love her. At that point, raising the kid would be the most important thing in his life, and his own happiness would be secondary, he said.
That's a noble thought, but definitely not along my lines of thinking. For one, I wouldn't want there to be doubt in my mind that my husband married me just because I was pregnant and not because he loved me. What an awful way to live! Second, if you're not happy in your own marriage, you're not teaching your child about how a healthy relationship works.
While I agree that children should always come first and a couple should at least try to make it work before abandoning a relationship, I think two people can parent together without actually being together. Mom and Dad should show mutual respect for each other and work together on issues involving the child. They also may be married to the loves of the lives -- who just happen to not be each other.
Would you stay in any relationship for a child, even if you did not love your partner? Why or why not?
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Do you stay together for the kids?
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7 comments:
I tried to stay with my husband for the child...It did not work, and when I left the child was happier. I believe that children pick up on the tension. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but really leaving was best for me and my child. If you are not happy, your children sense that.
I would give it a shot, but I would NOT get married if it was not going to work. Don't bring your unhappiness into your child's life. So long as both parents are worthwhile people, keep both parents in the child's life, but you can't force love and probably will end up teaching hate.
I know a man marrying a single mother because he wants to take care of her baby- it's not even his, but he's apparently more in love with the little one. I think he's setting up for failure.
If you get married for the sake of the child, what will you be left with after that child grows up and leaves home? I would try to make things work out if I were pregnant, but if two people can't get along, they should not get married because of a child. When I do get married, I want my husband to be someone who can not only help me raise the kids, but who I also look forward to spending time with after the kids are grown up with lives of their own.
Exactly, don't wait 21 years to decide it's time to leave a marriage as I unfortunately did. My children were thrilled and asked me what took so long??
I'M ALSO IN THE MIDDLE OF A LOVE HATE MARRIAGE MY OLDER DAUGHTER IS IN COLLEGE AND I HAVE ONE THAT WILL GRADUATE JUNE 9 2007 AND ONE SON THATS GOING TO THE 7 GRADE.AND MY HUSBAND JOB RELOCATED TO ANOTHER STATE AND WE HAVE BEEN HERE FOR 2 YEARS WELL I FOUND OUT HE WAS HAVING A AFFAIR WITH A CO WORKER WHO ALSO CAME FROM THE SAME STATE.AND IT HAVE BEEN A LOT OF FUSSING AND FIGHTING SO FOR THE HEALTH OF MY SON WE WILL BE MOVING BACK TO OUR HOME TOWN,BECAUSE IT IS CAUSING PROBLEM WITH MY SON IN SCHOOL AND EVERYTHING ELSE. SO I'M LEAVING.
I saw the movie Knocked Up last night and as humerous as it was, it never turns out the way it did in the movie. If your significant other doesn't love you, your child will eventually be able to pick up on that. Why force something that isn't there just to pretend to have a picture perfect family? It's not worth it for either partner or the child.
Here's an idea - stay pure and wait til you are married to have sex. It amazes me when I think that is how it was for sooo long - thousands of years (?) until the last few decades. People waited.
Why are we so impatient? Isn't it worth the wait? Think about all the issues it avoids, like the one being discussed.
Anyway, just my 2 cents....
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