Today, I was riding along in my car listening to one of my favorite shows. The topic: women who have been in long-term relationships and how long should they wait out for a marriage proposal.
One caller said five years. Another one said four years.
I say, it depends.
This is one of those aspects of a relationship that should be communicated at length. If you are a woman who sees marriage as a goal, say that and hold true to that. If you know that you'll get impatient after three years, admit that to yourself and your mate. But be warned that men who are issued such ultimatums often don't become happy husbands.
If you're not the type who is focused on marriage, have fun and try not to divert from the plan.
Now the tricky part is when women flip the script. In the beginning, they try to be all casual and like I'm living in the moment. Then, all of a sudden on a whim or because their friends are doing it, they decide they want to get married. Sometimes, it's because they want to. Other times, it's because they feel the pressure.
And then they get all mad because the man is still traveling the course that he thought he shared with them. And, surprisingly, he's unwilling to veer from the course. Maybe it's time for more communication.
Now on to you. How long do you think you can handle being in a relationship without your guy proposing? Does it matter? Should it matter?
Monday, June 11, 2007
How long is too long?
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4 comments:
That the guy has to propose, that there has to be a ring, that one has to wait four years or five years or a month... it's all a cliche.
If one wants to get married and the other person doesn't maybe one should ask oneself if they're with the right person, to start with. etc etc etc...
I think it's normal for someone to change his or her mind about where a relationship is going. Most people do not get into a relationship planning to marry a person but rather to see if it could grow and develop into what possibly could be a marriage. The problem is when someone reaches the marriage point before the other. I can't say that I have a time limit for marriage or else, but probably after two years if marriage is on your mind but not his, it may be time to move on.
Changing your mind is one thing. But a lot of time, women (and even some men) change their mind without communicating the change in expectations in the relationship. That's when it starts to get messy.
I think it totally depends on the two individuals in the relationship. I know people have have been together nearly 8 years, lived together for about 4, and are just recently engaged. I know other people who have been together for 10 years, living together for about 5, and have no intentions of getting married anytime soon. Then there are the people who meet in July, move-in together in September, and are married by May. Will it last? Who knows. Its a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. If you know you want to get married and you've been with a person for several years and he talks about wanting to get married and has yet to ask you, then maybe he's just not interested in marrying YOU. And that's when its time to move on and find someone willing to spend the rest of his life as your husband. But if you're happy just spending your life with that person and don't feel that a ring or a $20,000+ debt for some elaborate event that may just bring you more headache than joy is not necessary. Than by all means continue to spend your years with that person and don't let society or worst yet "well meaning" family and friends convince you that you NEED to get married within 3, 4, or 5 years into a relationship.
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