The name says it all

Since we're about to head into a Labor Day weekend, I figured that I would do a light-hearted blog on online dating nicknames.

Before we get into some of the interesting ones I have encountered, here's a little advice on selecting a good profile name.

Now on to some interesting ones I have encountered over my online dating history (I literally do save some of the more interesting ones for my amusement.)

Maconsbigmember: I don't know if this is a reference to the guy's size or if he is referencing body parts. Maybe he's "big" on being a "member" of many organizations. I don't know. Either way, something told me I didn't want to find out.

Babyboy1960: Ok, anyone who reads this blog knows I don't do older men. So when I saw a photo of someone who was obviously born in 1960 calling himself baby boy, I had to laugh. Not only that, he was dressed as thought the Warner Robins Police Department could charge him using that new sagging pants ordinance they passed.

CrazymanXX: I've actually seen several variations of and wonder if the guy was trying to attract PsychoChickXX. This profile name screams "back away from the computer screen." But hey, if you're willing to acknowledge it and accept it....

What's the craziest online dating profile name you've encountered? What effect does a dating profile name have on your chances of responding? What effort do you put into creating an online dating name, if any?

Dating guys in 'guyland'

Education reporter Julie Hubbard writes over at The Report Card blog about a new phenomenon among young men that I think applies to many of us dating them. It's called getting stuck in "guyland" -- that gray area in between adolescence and adulthood, mainly between ages 16 and 26.

It's an idea brought about by author Michael Kimmel in his book "Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men." The idea interested me, so I googled the topic and found this excerpt from the book.

The gist of the book is this:

Today, many of these young men, poised between adolescence and adulthood, are more likely to feel anxious and uncertain. In college, they party hard but are soft on studying. They slip through the academic cracks, another face in a large lecture hall, getting by with little effort and less commitment. After graduation, they drift aimlessly from one dead-end job to another, spend more time online playing video games and gambling than they do on dates (and probably spend more money too), "hook up" occasionally with a "friend with benefits," go out with their buddies, drink too much, and save too little. After college, they perpetuate that experience and move home or live in group apartments in major cities, with several other guys from their dorm or fraternity. They watch a lot of sports. They have grandiose visions for their futures and not a clue how to get from here to there. When they do try and articulate this amorphous uncertainty, they're likely to paper over it with a simple "it's all good."

I know guys like this, heck, I know some women (gals?) like this. I'm sure you do too. It's partially evidenced in the fact that we all date casually more and marry later in life.

Do you see guys stuck in guyland? Does it make it harder for you to find someone who you want to settle down with? Have you ever been ready for a "grown up" relationship while your guy was not?

To point out the flaws or not to point out the flaws?

Here's the scenario:

You've gone out with someone three times. Each date is a disaster partially because your date has some personality traits that are undesirable by almost anyone's standards (cheapskate, arrogant, etc.). Yet, this person thinks there is nothing wrong and continues to pursue you with zeal.

So you have finally determined that you don't want to see the person anymore. The person is still calling you and texting you and you are stuck with the task of letting them down. The question now is how and what you should say.

With option one, you would just say you are no longer interested and say something like there was just no chemistry. With option two, you might consider making the person aware of their personal flaws because, in your mind, this is a service to all potential suitors for the person.

Which option would you choose? When you decide to stop dating someone, do you believe they need a full-blown explanation? Which factors do you believe play a role in selecting your options?

Rekindling the romance

Monday was the BF's birthday (the big 2-7), so over the weekend I took him up to the north Georgia mountains for some of his favorite activity: hiking.

We drove up Saturday, leaving Macon at 7 a.m. We stopped at Vogel State Park and visited a few waterfalls, including Duke's Creek Falls and Anna Ruby Falls. We also stopped in Helen and went tubing down the river (which was a bad idea in a drought, btw, don't do it) before heading to a bed and breakfast near Dahlonega for the night.

The next day, we hiked down Tallulah Gorge, which was no easy feat, especially for an indoors person like me who does not really enjoy hiking. The reward -- a breathtaking view of the gorge and a dip in a swimming hole -- however, was worth it. Even more fulfilling than the view, though, was that the whole journey gave us time to rekindle the intangible: the romance in our relationship.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our day-to-day activities that we forget to appreciate the person we are with. When the BF and I meandered through the woods just the two of us, we had time to talk about all the things that get lost in our everyday conversations about work, cooking dinner and what we're going to do over the weekend. It also re-injected trust into the relationship, sort of like those Outward Bound trips where you practice team building activities. The BF and I built our own little team.

What are some things you do to rekindle the romance in your relationships?

Just because you ask doesn't mean you're interested

The other day, while out to eat with some friends, one of them ran into a person who knew their ex from about eight years ago. She went through the usual script and then got to how is so and so doing? Once she got her answer she returned to the table.

One of our other friends ripped into her and told her she was still very much interested in her ex or else she wouldn't have asked. She replied that she wasn't.

To me, it wasn't like she was really grilling for information and this was someone she had dated for a couple of years. It's only natural to wonder about what someone you once cared about is doing. Now if she had ran back and gave us all the full details with either glee or disappointment, then I would have wondered.

And furthermore, let's be real, sometimes we are just plain being nosy. With certain people we dated, we want to know where they are in life. If we weren't nosy people, social networking sites would not take up as much of our day as it does. But there's a big difference in being curious and dwelling on it.

Do you believe that if a person inquires about their ex that they are still interested?

Are ugly women desperate? We seem to think so.

The mayor of the small Australian town of Mount Isa has been catching some flak for his comments inviting ugly women to the town, which has a male-leaning population.

For anyone who missed it, here's Mayor John Molony's comments:

"May I suggest if there are five blokes to every girl, we should find out where there are beauty-disadvantaged women and ask them to proceed to Mount Isa," Cr Molony said.

"Quite often you will see walking down the street a lass who is not so attractive with a wide smile on her face. Whether it is recollection of something previous or anticipation for the next evening, there is a degree of happiness.

"Often those who are beauty-disadvantaged are uphappy with their lot.

"Some, in other places in Australia, need to proceed to Mount Isa where happiness awaits."

I'm sure by now the mayor regrets what he said, if for no other reason than to keep himself out of the international spotlight while saying dumb things.

But the reality is that the mayor's comments illustrate what many people already believe: Ugly, er, beauty-disadvantaged, women are desperate. The same goes for men. The prevailing thought is that unattractive people should lower their standards and accept mediocrity because, let's face it, they just can't get anything better.

Of course, this is untrue, and in the end, personality usually determines whether two people will stay together. But when this does happen many see it as an anomaly, wondering how the ugly chick ended up with the hot guy. Or, if someone is more attractive than we are, we automatically think of that person as unattainable. I have been guilty of having such thoughts myself.

What do you think of the mayor's comments? What role does beauty have in dating? Have you ever felt you weren't given a fair shot because of your looks? Do you ever view other people as unattainable or below your level because of their looks?

Will they always think they have 'it'?

Today, I was out working on an assignment when an older gentleman decides to tell me about about how he's been trying to find someone to go out with on various dating Web sites. Alas, he hasn't had any luck and had not been on a date since he was 20. He asks me if I know of any better alternatives. I give him a suggestion, then he starts to give me his e-mail address which I ignored. Then he proceeded to tell me how he was turning 61 later this month and wanted someone to take out. By this point, I had realized that I was an object of interest, wished him luck and scurried off.

Then, recently, another friend of mine around my age was approached by a guy in his 40s on a social networking site. That wasn't as bad, but she still was not feeling it.

I remember when I turned 21, my friend warned me about the batch of older men out there who would hit on me since I was legal. I'm beginning to think that number increases exponentially once you hit 25. And frankly, it's rare that I find men who are many years older than me attractive. Nevertheless, it doesn't seem to keep them from trying.

And yet, I would never think to go after a guy who was 21 at 25 and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to try when I'm 40. I doubt we will have much in common. But with guys, it seems that at any age, they think they can get a twenty-something.

So to the guys, why do you have no problem seeking out much younger women? Are there any women out there who seek out the much-older guy?

The dating rule I will never break

Like most things in dating, the rules that surround it are fluid. While one person may say you have to wait three days to call after a date, someone else may say it's OK to call the next day. While some say women should never make the first move, there will be just as many telling women to just ask a man out.

Most of these rules vary from person to person and depend on the particular dating situation. Sometimes I may kiss on a first date; sometimes I may not. Sometimes I may invite a guy to dinner and pay; and, again, sometimes I may not.

However, there is one rule that I always stand by (and advise my friends to do the same): Never sleep with someone on a first date.

This, I have observed, has been the downfall of many potential relationships. This is because instead of having subsequent dates, the two people most likely will have subsequent booty calls. And I guess that's OK if that's what you're looking for, but if you're looking for an actual relationship, this is not the way to do it.

Maybe I'm old school, but I think two people should actually know each other before they hop in the sack, and I'm not talking about knowing that Jose Cuervo is your date's favorite liquor. Before there's a physical connection, there should be an emotional and intellectual connection. If that doesn't exist, and a relationship doesn't seem to be moving forward, there isn't any reason to get physical.

What do you think about sex on a first date? Do you have any dating rules that you refuse to break?

"I think I'll know if I'm pregnant before you will"

I have this friend who has been in a relationship for more than four years and every time she gets a nauseous stomach or goes through a mood swing, her boyfriend thinks she is pregnant.

And every time, she is not.

It used to be funny. But now, she says it has become an annoyance, especially with him coming home with emergency pregnancy tests on a regular basis.

She asks him if he secretly wants a baby. He says no. She asks him if he thinks that she is trying to trap him. He says no.

His response: I just get this feeling that you are pregnant.

Now she is irked at how he would act if she ever did become pregnant and she is sick of his intuition. She has even gone so far as to say don't ask me, I'll tell you.

How do you think a boyfriend should handle it when he thinks his girlfriend could be pregnant? Have you ever been in a situation where your significant other thought that you were with child even when you were completely not? How do you think you would react if your boyfriend kept after you about being pregnant?

With the wrong guy? Blame the pill.

Light (and late, sorry) post today.

Found this interesting WebMD article that says women who take the pill are more likely to choose the wrong mate. Apparently the pill messes up our ability to pick out the "right" pheromones in a guy.

Apparently, we should be able to sniff out men who are genetically different from us. Doing so increases our chances of a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby and makes us more likely to have sexually satisfying relationships. The pill supposedly makes us more likely to sniff out genetically similar men.

I have heard that a side effect of the pill is a lower libido. Maybe all that really means is that we're with the wrong man, or a genetically similar guy.

If this study is true, maybe we should all go off the pill for a bit and see if we still like the person we're dating.

One thing's for sure, though. I wouldn't have wanted to be a subject in this experiment.

They paid 37 women to smell men's T-shirts before and after going on the pill. Then they compared the women's before- and after-pill ratings of the odors to those of 60 women who did not use oral contraceptives.

I hope the shirts weren't sweaty.

Getting him to the courthouse

I'm the girl who almost dreads the idea of planning the big, lavish wedding. There, I said it.

I could live without the politics of picking bridesmaids, seating arrangements and the enormous price tag that comes afterwards for an event that lasted no more than a half hour.

For almost as long as I can remember, I have envisioned getting married before some judge in some government building. You're in. You're married. You're out. If you want to celebrate, plan a get-together for later.

However, one of my male friends informed me the other day there's a very good chance I could be dealing with a man who wants the wedding more than I do. After seeing my blank stare, he went on to inform me that some guys need the ceremony to realize that they are committing their life to someone. It could be a much-needed wake-up call, he said. Since the day is also about him, it could be a lot harder to get the nice little courthouse ceremony than I initially anticipated.

So to the guys out there, how important is the wedding ceremony to you? Would you find it off-putting if a woman wanted a much simpler wedding at the courthouse?

Intellectual stimulation

In today's Dear Abby column (I confess, I am a Dear Abby junkie), a woman writes in about her attempt to date younger and less educated men. She did this at the urging of Abby, who previously had told her to "get off her high horse" and try dating men outside her box.

Here's what she had to say:

"DEAR ABBY: I wrote you about a year ago regarding my difficulty in finding a single, educated, relationship-minded man. You advised me to lower my high standards and date outside my preconceived notions of who Mr. Right was - - someone younger or without a college degree.

I dated several men who matched the description. At best, things were uninteresting. Taking your suggestion to "get off my high horse," I have been involved for six months with a man slightly younger than I, with a high school education and children. He's a good man, a good father, and treats me like a queen. However, we're completely incompatible. Intellectually, we're miles apart.

Much as I care for him, I am breaking up with him. I have returned to school to work on my MBA and would rather be single the rest of my life than live a lie for the sake of love. The one thing I have learned from this experience is a newfound fulfillment in being single. -- STILL LOOKING IN NEW ORLEANS"

I have to say, I have never dated anyone without a college degree. I also have not dated anyone significantly younger, but that would be pretty hard since I'm young myself anyway. While I can see how it would be enlightening to date someone younger or less educationally prepared, ultimately, I side with the reader. If you can't connect on an intellectual level or you're just in a different place in your life, a relationship likely will not work out.

I'm not trying it be Miss Smarty Pants, and I'm not saying that a piece of paper is what determine someone's intelligence. Some very thoughtful and bright people may not hold college degrees for various reasons. It's just that people in relationships need to stimulate each other on several levels, from physical to emotional to intellectual to sexual. If one is absent, it's like missing a piece to a puzzle; it will be almost perfect but never complete.

Have you ever dated anyone who was not as smart as you? If you hold a college degree, would you date someone who didn't? How important is intellectual stimulation in a relationship?

The pains of relationship purgatory

A lot of people say there is nothing worse than the horrific break-up where the two parties hate each other.

But to others, the amicable breakup can cause just as much pain.

The amicable break-up has a much greater chance of placing you in what I like to call "relationship purgatory."

This is a painful place because you know where you stand, but you don't. The other person may still be calling you on a fairly regular basis. The two of you don't hate each other. It's very obvious that you both still care. You may even almost feel closer than you did during tough times in the relationship.

However, no one mentions anything about returning to a relationship, yet no one seems ready to move on. In some ways, it can be pure hell and lead you to question why the break-up even took place.

Have you ever been in relationship purgatory? How did you handle it? How did you get out of it? Are you still in it?

Are Maconites approachable?

On Friday I drove up to Atlanta for Girls Night with some of my friends from college. We spent the evening hanging out in the Virginia Highlands, eating dinner and visiting the various bars in the area.

For all the ladies out there who need a place to find guys, let me tell you: the Virginia Highlands is where they're at.

Amazingly, men seemed to outnumber women at each and every place we visited. It was like they were oozing out of the woodwork. And they were all incredibly friendly, and not necessarily in the "I'm hitting on you" kind of way. After all, only one of us was even single, so it's not like we were flirting or even trying to gain anyone's attention. (However, if you were, you would probably go home with a handful of phone numbers.)

Needless to say, I don't know of any place like this in Macon. Why don't we have any places -- restaurant, bar, neighborhood -- teeming with friendly, easy-to-meet people?

Sure, people congregate at several places around here (El Azteca, Dirty Iguana, Tic Toc), but it seems that everyone has his or her own little clique. If you don't already know someone, you really don't have an in with most people around you. All these various cliques can really hinder the dating scene because you're basically limited to people already in your clique.

Are people in Macon less approachable than people in other cities? Have you noticed various cliques within the city? If so, do these cliques influence your dating life? Why can't we all just get along?

Love on a schedule

I know this very busy couple. They are both workaholics and heavily involved in various organizations and their respective churches. Actually, they met through a mutual organization.

Anyway, because they are always running around doing something, they have scheduled specific times during the week when they will meet. Some of these times even have specific purposes for them such as dinner or movie rentals. And they both literally sat down with their respective planners to map all of this out.

Now I understand why there might be a need to plot out time for romance. But when it is that plotted out, I think I would be concerned if there was room left for any spontaneity. And spontaneity is one of the ingredients that makes romance so fun.

What do you think of romance on a schedule? Have you tried it? Does it work for you? Where is the room for spontaneity?

Cuddle me tender

Apparently this thing called a cuddle party is coming to Warner Robins at the end of August. What this exactly entails, I am not sure, but it appears that a cuddle party is just what it sounds like: a bunch of grown ups getting cozy in PJs.

From Cuddle Party's Web site:

"What a Cuddle Party is: A structured, safe workshop on boundaries, communication, intimacy and affection. A drug and alcohol-free way to meet fascinating people in a relaxing environment. A laboratory where you can experiment with what makes you feel safe and feel good.

This playful, fun workshop has been a place for people to rediscover non-sexual touch and affection, a space to reframe assumptions about men and women, and a great networking event to meet new friends, roommates, business partners and significant others."

The emphasis is mine. Tell me, is there really a way for a cuddle to be non-sexual? One of my co-workers says no way, or at least, no way it can be done in a non-romantic way. I sort of agree. I mean, if I found out my boyfriend was cuddling with someone other than me, I'd be pretty ticked off.

At the very least, this is something new for singles to check out in Middle Georgia. At the most, maybe you'll get a date out of it.

What's your take on the cuddle party? Is this something you would ever go to? Does this seem like a good or bad way to meet potential dates? Do you think a cuddle can be non-sexual/non-romantic?

The tall and short of it

One of my friends is almost supermodel height, yet she is always pursued by men who measure average height or below. And she is always complaining that men taller than her rarely ever hit on her. In her eyes, all the tall men are being scooped up by the short women, leaving the short men for the tall women.

Yet, I have another friend who is about average height who opts to date men her height or shorter. If you ask her, that's just what she's always been attracted to.

Now, I'm what some would say is short. I almost did a dance the day they said five feet at the doctor's office. Yet, when it comes to men that I'm attracted to, I can honestly say that I prefer taller men. Because of my height, my perception of tall can be quite different from other women. However, I can honestly say the two times I have ever encountered guys close to my height that hit on me, I was not interested at all.

I don't know. It's something that I like about a guy being able to tower over me and scoop me up. I guess maybe that is what my friend wants too.

So to the short guys out there, do you have a thing for taller or shorter women? For the tall women, are you attracted to taller or shorter men and do you find it difficult to find dates?

How do you know?

A week or so ago some friends and I were having a conversation about how you know you're with the person you should marry. We had polled married and engaged friends, and none of their answers were particularly helpful. Most centered around the phrase, "You just know."

I wonder if some of these well-meaning people are temporarily -- or worse, permanently -- deluded. They make it sound so easy, like they never had one fight in their relationship, and everything is just so right and perfect. I can't blame them though. After being propositioned with a beautiful ring and promises of forever, I'd probably be deluded, too.

Just knowing is great if you happen to be in the position where you do "just know." But if you don't, there at least have to be criteria you can gauge to see if you're on the right track, we figured. What are the guidelines out there for the rest of us? Is this a case of what we don't know can hurt us?

Here are some of the questions we had about the issue:

* If you're with someone for a certain period of time, should you get to a point where you "just know" one way or the other? For example, if you have been with someone for three years, should you "just know" that person is right for you?

* What are some criteria you can use to determine if you are with the right person?

* If you don't "just know" someone is right for you, is that necessarily bad?

What do you think? For those married and engaged readers, how did you know?

The biggest lie

Some people would say that in every relationship, some lies must be told.

Yesterday, I watched as a man was surprised with an award and a ceremony by all his colleagues and friends and family. While he enjoyed the surprise, he said he was concerned his wife could lie and keep a secret of that magnitude from him.

Now some people would argue that particular instance was a good lie, if there is a such a thing.

However, I have witnessed people tell some pretty bad big and bold lies. I'm talking anywhere from "I'm not married" to "It's your kid and I know it". And unfortunately, not all of these have been on television.

So what is the biggest lie you have ever told in a relationship? What was your justification for it? Do you believe there's such a thing as a good lie to tell to a significant other?

Rescue me

Sometimes, the people we love go out with people we can't stand or dislike for various reasons. As friends or family members, we'd hate to see the person we love get in a bad situation with this other seemingly odious person. Now we have two choices: say nothing and smile and nod when our friend talks about his or her partner or stage an intervention and get our friend to see the light, so to speak.

This type of situation calls into question the duties of a friend. Is it our job to unconditionally support our friends, even if they make what we know to be poor decisions? Or is it our job to try to rescue our friends from their bad choices?

On one hand, if you knew someone was abusing your friend, you would do everything in your power to try to help. But when the situation does not involve any immediate health or safety risks -- the man or woman in question is just a jerk or stupid or insensitive -- is there still any compulsion to save people from their own bad dating decisions? Love is blind, and the person in the bad situation just might not want to be rescued. A lot can be said about people learning from their own mistakes.

I've been in the rescuer and rescue-ee positions. Of course, as the rescue-ee, I disregarded advice and despised it at the time, but in my own time I came to see my friends were right.

What would you do in such a situation? Do you try to rescue your friends from bad dating situations or do you let them run their course? Have you ever had to be rescued? Did you appreciate your friends for speaking up or did you resent them?

What's your break-up "thing"?

OK, obviously from my recent blogs, you can tell that breaking up is on my mind and that is because many of the people I associate with are going through hard times right now.

Crying and moping are typically synonymous with breakups, but I've noticed, especially among my closest cohorts, that they engage in other behaviors during a breakup that seem to be routine uniquely for them.

I have one friend who cuts her hair after every breakup I've ever known her to go through. Another friend always tests out a new hair color. Yet, another one gains a newfound appreciation and obsession with the gym. Most recently, one of my friends started switching up her house decor. In my own randomness, I notice that I'm more willing than ever to travel and get away after a breakup.

Oftentimes, a break-up is a change that you cannot control. So I think it makes sense to seek change that you can control.

So what is the thing that you are prone to do when going through a breakup?