A little while ago, a couple that I know informed that they were trying to have a baby with no success. After some testing, the woman in the couple learned that she was infertile while the guy learned that he was just fine.
While they are a couple in their late 20s, they have been married for a number of years. The guy is totally in love with his wife.
Nevertheless, the guy has no other family members and has always wanted blood relatives. The wife said she is willing to adopt, but he wants a blood child with his wife. He’s not even willing to talk about a surrogate.
In the long run, the wife said she fears eventual resentment or that he may find another woman who can have children. She does not understand why he can’t love an adopted child the same.
While there are plenty of people who adopt in this world and are able to love the child as their own, it is understandable that some people only want to care for offspring who are biologically connected to them.
Has anyone out there ever had to deal with this situation? Do you think it’s possible for a person to get over such a strong desire to have biological children? What effects could this have on the romantic relationship in the long run?
Thursday, July 10, 2008
When one can make a baby and the other can't
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1 comment:
I have an idea as to what it is like. I am for all practical purposes, 45 years old and naturally sterile. I am very good with and have always wanted to have children. I was married when I found out that I do not have any sperm-producing cells and never did. I was 26. The marriage eventually ended for reasons other than this. I mentioned it only to move on to my second marriage where I gained three beautiful daughters. I love them as if they were my own, even after their mother and I have been divorced for 4 years. We are all still good friends and keep in touch. This time, the marriage ended partially due to the fact that my new wife was unable to have any kids or even a semi-normal sexual relationship with me. Soon after we were married, my wife was diagnosed with cervical cancer, which she was able to have removed and recover from. It was the medical problem that appeared just as she was recovering from her chemotherapy. She was diagnosed with a prolapsed uterus. We had been married only 4 months at this time. It would be another 10 months before she would have surgery to correct the problem. She opted to have a hysterectomy as opposed to a repair, which she may have needed to do again in the future, leaving the issue of the ovaries to the surgeon. He opted to take them, plus the surgery took 9.5 hours instead of 1.5 hours. She just wasn't the same after that. This was not just the immediate menopause. It was due to the actual surgery. Her surgery was complicated by a bleeder that the surgeon had problems with. She later found out she had Type II Diabetes, which we believe was the reason for the complication during surgery. She went to an OB/GYN three years later to have a second opinion about her records from the surgery. When he examined her, he thought she just recently had the surgery. Intercourse has been very painful and uncomfortable for her ever since the surgery in August 2000. It still is, even 8 years later.
I give you this information for you to understand what kind of a "jerk" I was at the time. I loved her with all my heart and still do. However, I am a very sexual person and wanted to have my own kids, whether I was the biological father or there was a "donor". Since I knew we weren't going to have any and sex was out of the question with her, I started to wander, searching the internet for sexual encounters and ladies that were either pregnant and not with the father or wanted to become pregnant.
I would have been and would be satisfied with a non-biological child. It was the fact that neither one of us could create a child, plus our sex life was basically, not there. No matter how much I loved her and her girls, it just wasn't the same as having my "own", experiencing the whole pregnancy and birth. In fact, I never referred to to daughters as my step-children. I always and still do, referred to them as my own.
To have children and experience the whole pregnancy process, is a very strong desire. One that I wish I could dismiss. As far as the possibility of this guy to "get over' the desire, I seriously doubt that he, especially at his age, will be able to. Romantically speaking, as long as he has the desire, it will probably get worse and the romance will leave. For me, it just seems to get worse as I get older. Most ladies my age have all the kids they want, whether they have kids or never wanted any or cant have any for what ever reason. Therefore, I seek out younger ladies that would fit the "profile" that I am looking for, either pregnant or willing to get pregnant with a donor and will accept an older man. However, there are not that many out there that are interested in that with an older guy. So, here I am searching the internet, again. I know, some people feel that this is a strange thing to do and consider me a perv. However, I am being honest in what I say. I am not a "perv". I may not choose the best or the most honorable sites to search. However, My intentions are honorable.
I hope this has helped.
Take care,
prodigalson2007
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