Being the bad guy

No one wants to be the bad guy. No one wants to be the one to say, "This just isn't working," "It's just not the same between us anymore" or "I think we need to see other people." But at some point in an unfulfilling relationship, someone's going to have to initiate a break up. It's a fact of life.

Like most people, I have been broken up with and been the one doing the breaking up. One guy who broke up with me was less than direct. He just basically stopped calling and stopped returning my phone calls, and that was that. I think this is an unfair way to break up with someone. It gives the person being broken up with no closure and leaves them wondering just what went wrong. Because of this, I usually try to take the direct approach.

I usually try to tell the guy that the relationship just isn't working out, that I'm not feeling it anymore and it's time for us to part ways. I try to avoid trite phrases such as "We can still be friends," and "It's not you, it's me." That's just patronizing. I try to follow the Golden Rule when I break up with someone: Don't say or do anything that I wouldn't want someone to say or do to me.

That's not to say I have perfected the art of breaking up, and all of my exes walk away happy. Far from it. I've been called names, been accused of things I didn't do and been put down. But that sort of comes with the breaking up territory.

How do you go about breaking up with someone? Do you follow the direct or indirect approach? Do you have a key phrase that you try to use every time? Have you learned anything from people who have broken up with you?