A friend of mine is in an interesting predicament.
There's this guy who she sees occasionally and talks to when their paths cross. Their conversations mostly consist of "How are you?" and dry banter about the weather. Now this guy has asked her to lunch, and she's not sure what to make of it.
Does he just want to go out to lunch with her because she's nice and he wants to be friends? Or does he want to go out to lunch with her like it's a date?
My friend's not really interested in the guy and doesn't really want to go to lunch with him, but she doesn't simply say no because, well, that's awkward. Plus, what if she is misreading his gesture? (Side note: she is in a relationship, so it's not like she's in a situation where she's looking for a guy and should "give him a chance.")
"This has been happening to me my whole life," my friend told me. "I think it's because I'm nice, ... and some people take it the wrong way."
Ah, the curse of niceness, which sometimes can be misconstrued as flirtation.
And I do have to say props to the guy for taking a chance, but seeing as how some gestures were probably misread, how does my friend go about correcting this situation (while still maintaining her nice demeanor)?
Should she avoid him until (hopefully) he forgets about it? Should she say something to him the next time she sees him? Should she go out to lunch anyway, on the pretense that everything is totally platonic?
Does anyone else have the curse of being nice? Have you friendly gestures ever been misread for more than they actually were?
Also, when is lunch, not just lunch? How do you know when someone's asking you out romantically or just thinks your a cool person and wants to be your friend?
Thursday, April 17, 2008
The curse of being nice
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5 comments:
C'mon. Could it be more obvious? He is asking her out to lunch because he is interested in dating her. If she is not interested, she should just say no. If she accepts, she will give him the impression that he has a chance.
This is a no-brainer !!!
So he has not yet acutally asked her out to lunch, and he hasn't made any other overtures towared her-- i'm taking the other side and saying she might just be reading more into it than she should. if she is concerned, she can make sure the fella hears her during lunch (if he ever asks...) say something about how she and her boyfriend are doing such and such that weekend, etc. Of course she could also have plans when he does ask. If she turns him down flat out because she isn't interested, then she comes across as rude and arrogant.
Sorry if I wasn't clear before, but he has asked her to go to lunch, and she has just put off answering while she figures out how to respond.
So I'll reiterate that she needs to get over herself and accept the lunch invitation for what it is, a lunch invitation. Men, while pretty much all dogs, are very simple beings, and don't overthink things at all. It is just lunch-- and he hasn't even asked her yet!!!
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