What's your relationship style?

Everyone has a different relationship style and starts out a relationship in a different way. There are people who play games, people who get attached at the hip and people who play it aloof.

In my most recent relationship, I qualified as the attached at the hip type of person. I know it's probably gag-worthy to the rest of you, but when my boyfriend and I first started dating, we just couldn't get enough of each other. We called each other every day, saw each other every day and hung out whenever it was possible. After only a few months in, we had long standing dates to meet each other for dinner nearly every night, not necessarily going out, but having one of us cook for the other person. I'm still amazed that to this day we still haven't gotten sick of each other.

A few of my friends have had the complete opposite experience. When they first started dating their boyfriends, they lived in different cities, so they rarely saw each other. They had lots of space, and lots of room to breathe. Post-college, the couples were able to move in together. One of the women has remarked that she can't imagine what it would have been like seeing her boyfriend every day early on in the relationship.

What's your relationship style? Do you prefer to be around your new beau all the time or do you prefer to have plenty of alone time? I think most people would agree that a happy medium between frequent and infrequent is best, but how do you reach that point? Have you ever been around someone too much, and you just became sick of them?

Avoiding "friend zonification"

Yesterday, one of my male friends was venting to me about how he couldn't seem to avoid "friend zonification"- his words, not mine.

See, every time he meets a girl, he always goes out of his way to be nice to the girl. He'll listen to whatever she wants to talk about. He'll consistently do favors for her with the thought process that he is becoming a contender for a romantic interest. The problem comes when she starts telling him about a guy that she is interested in or she pops up with a boyfriend out of the blue.

My only advice to him was that after he got to know these girls was to let them know that he is pursuing the friendship in the hopes of something more. I also told him it would be wise to do this before she feels free to talk to him about other guys. Though, it won't completely avoid being placed in the "friend zone," it also allows the girl to know where he stands.

What is your advice for a guy to avoid being placed in friend zone? Do you think there is any foolproof way to keep this from happening?

Simple and sweet

I attended my first wedding of the season this past weekend in Michigan. My cousin and his fiance wed at a cute little bed and breakfast out in the country, and the ceremony was quite lovely.

During the ceremony, the minister gave a recitation in addition to the usual wedding vows. He included a few simple phrases that all of us should remember to say, but probably too often forget:

I was wrong.
I'm sorry.
Will you forgive me?
I won't do it again.

The fourth phrase is probably the hardest, but if we can remember these words, our relationships will be for the better, the minister said. Remember, you have to mean the words when you say them.

Sometimes the simplest things are the easiest to forget. What are some other words of wisdom that many people too often forget?

Wearing you down

One of my favorite shows coming up as a child was "Family Matters", particularly when watching Steve Urkel pursue Laura unsuccessfully and endlessly for years. She had no interest in him whatsoever. She found him annoying and unattractive. Then, one day, he got her after years of determination.

When it comes to reality, it's definitely possible to not be romantically attracted to someone at all when you first meet them even though they think they are head over heels falling for you.

Now, if you're bold, you may tell them to get out of your face and that's the end of it. However, if you're not so bold or you have to be around them for some reason, they may continue with their persistence. This provides a chance for you to get to know them and that's where you may slip up and realize they are not as unattractive as you first thought. One day, you could find yourself liking them or, as is often the case, the second they stop pursuit, you begin to miss it.

Has somebody ever worn you down? How did they do it? Have you ever worn someone else down?

Georgia's own star-crossed lovers

There's a new story of star-crossed lovers brewing in Georgia.

State transportation board chairman Ben Evans stepped down from his position last week because of a romantic relationship with his supervisor, board commissioner Gena Abraham. Obviously, dating someone who oversees you is a big no-no is almost all workplaces.

We've touched on the topic of dating in the workplace several times, but I think this story brings a slew of new questions to light regarding romantic and workplace relationships that are either against company policy or may involve a conflict of interest.

Specifically, at what point does a developing relationship become something worth telling about? Is it when the couple meets for coffee and gets to know each other for the first time? Is it after the third date? Is it after they sleep together?

Relationships always have been hard to define because they develop over time. Most people exploring a relationship don't even really know if they're in one until they have the big establishing the relationship talk. You spend time together as friends and then one person may develop romantic feelings. You don't automatically know if the other person likes you back, and there's a lot of awkwardness going on there.

Once you have determined you are in a romantic relationship, and you need to tell your employer (because of aforementioned company policy or conflict of interest), how do you decide whether the relationship is worth continuing, or in Evans' case, worth your job?

Would you be prepared to give up your job for someone that you only recently have become romantic with? That is a tall order.

Such is the complexity of workplace relationships, which is why I say try to avoid them altogether. Your thoughts?

The one or one of many?

I'm going to get philosophical on you today, so put on your thinking caps.

I've often wondered if there really is only one person for each of us, or if there are several people with whom we are capable of falling in love and living happy, content lives.

Let's look at "the one" theory first. Certainly, this is the most romantic of the theories. There are 6.6 billion people in the world (and counting), so if you're lucky enough find that one person who's right for you, that's really something special. One the other hand, that also means you only have a minuscule chance of finding your soul mate. "The one" theory maintains that another person is your other half, and without that person, you are not complete. This theory is perpetuated in Hollywood with quotes, like the one from Jerry Maguire: "You complete me." Classic.

Now onto what I'll call "the one of many" theory. This theory states that there is not just one person in this big, big world for you, no; there are actually several people who you can love and cherish and lead a great life with. It's definitely the most reasonable, the idea that you can be compatible with many people. But it also can be mind boggling. How could your life change if you chose one lover over another potential lover? This theory is more commonly found in real life, as widows and widowers find they are able to find love again after the death of a spouse.

The practical side of me wants to stick up for "the one of many theory." But my romantic side wants to believe I've found "the one."

What do you think? Is there such thing as "the one?" If so, how do you know you've found it?

"Not tonight dear, I'm on deadline"

The title to this blog is one of the best things I've ever seen on a t-shirt related to my profession.

Journalism, like so many other careers, demands a lot of your time. When it comes to building relationships, it also demands a lot of patience and understanding from the person you are dating.

For instance, there have been times when I thought my work schedule was all set for the day only for news to break at like 5:55 p.m. That meant if I had plans to meet someone after work, either a delay or a reschedule was necessary. Sometimes the date was understanding, sometimes they decided to look elsewhere because my schedule did not match theirs.

I have friends who work in other project-oriented and deadline-oriented professions such as architecture and accounting who echo the same sentiments. They have days where they work late into the night and people who they are dating aren't quite understanding.

Now, I know it's usually easier if you date someone with similar demands from their job or profession, but you can't always help it if you are attracted to someone with a set work schedule.

For those with successful relationships and demanding professions, how were you able to balance the two? How do you get your partner to understand the demands of your profession?

Leaving the bachelor pad

My boyfriend and I moved into an apartment together this weekend, and when all the heavy lifting was finally complete, we went to Wal-Mart for some post-move items.

While we were there, my boyfriend bought some kind of dwarf tree. I don't remember the exact kind, but the kind with big green leaves that you typically see in the corner of someone's living room, which is where ours is right now.

When his dad asked him the next day why he wanted a tree, my BF said it symbolized the move from his bachelor pad to an apartment where he is responsible for someone other than himself and has other responsibilities, like cleaning more than once every other month.

I thought that was a pretty profound answer. Before, I thought that he just liked trees.

Guys: What was leaving your bachelor pad like? Did you give up/gain anything in the move? How did living with a woman change how you lived?

Gals: What was it like when you decided to live with your SO/spouse? Did he have any habits you had to get used to? Did you give up/gain anything?

Is "great sex" ever enough?

While talking to my one of my older relatives, she made a very interesting
revelation to me: She married her husband for the great sex.

Now, she and her husband have been married for nearly 20 years and have
kids, but she readily admits this is the reason she got in it. Now there are
plenty of times when they obviously drive each other insane and seem
incompatible. But she says the sex is still great and she doesn't want
anybody else and she's willing to work it out.

But when you think about it, how many people, especially those of a
particular sex, think a relationship can be built off of good sex. After one
night with a person, they think they've found the love of their life when it
was just a good night.

How many people do you think get married because of "great sex"? When basing
a relationship on this, do you believe it has potential for a real future?

The curse of being nice

A friend of mine is in an interesting predicament.

There's this guy who she sees occasionally and talks to when their paths cross. Their conversations mostly consist of "How are you?" and dry banter about the weather. Now this guy has asked her to lunch, and she's not sure what to make of it.

Does he just want to go out to lunch with her because she's nice and he wants to be friends? Or does he want to go out to lunch with her like it's a date?

My friend's not really interested in the guy and doesn't really want to go to lunch with him, but she doesn't simply say no because, well, that's awkward. Plus, what if she is misreading his gesture? (Side note: she is in a relationship, so it's not like she's in a situation where she's looking for a guy and should "give him a chance.")

"This has been happening to me my whole life," my friend told me. "I think it's because I'm nice, ... and some people take it the wrong way."

Ah, the curse of niceness, which sometimes can be misconstrued as flirtation.

And I do have to say props to the guy for taking a chance, but seeing as how some gestures were probably misread, how does my friend go about correcting this situation (while still maintaining her nice demeanor)?

Should she avoid him until (hopefully) he forgets about it? Should she say something to him the next time she sees him? Should she go out to lunch anyway, on the pretense that everything is totally platonic?

Does anyone else have the curse of being nice? Have you friendly gestures ever been misread for more than they actually were?

Also, when is lunch, not just lunch? How do you know when someone's asking you out romantically or just thinks your a cool person and wants to be your friend?

Breaking the rules

For so long in dating, we have held certain truths to be self-evident: Don't date a co-worker, don't sleep with someone on the first date and don't date a friends ex.

But, according to this msn.com article, some rules were meant to be broken.

The article lists seven dating rules to ditch, including:

Rule #1: Never date a co-worker
Obviously, there are plenty of good reasons to be cautious if you’ve fallen for someone you’ll be running into every day at the office coffee pot. But unless your company handbook forbids relationships between employees, there’s no reason why you should abandon any hope of romance. ...

Rule #2: Always wait for the third (or fourth... or fifth) date to have sex
OK, so we’ve all heard a relationship is doomed if you sleep together too soon. But sometimes our feelings just get the best of us, and that doesn’t necessarily mean it will amount to nothing more than a fling. Rather than sticking to some rigid, “no sex until date six” rule, trust your gut and enjoy the moment if it feels right for both of you. ...

Rule #3: Rebound relationships never last
Give yourself time, they always say. While it’s healthy to mourn a relationship’s passing, that doesn’t mean you should ignore anyone great you meet while you recoup. ...

Rule #4: Never date a friend’s ex
Your friends’ exes are usually off-limits when it comes to dating… but what if you felt a genuine connection with a friend’s old flame? This scenario can create a delicate situation for everyone involved, but according to Dennie Hughes, author of Dateworthy, there are ways to make it work. If you alert your pal to your feelings before acting on them, your friendship doesn’t necessarily need to suffer. ...

Rule #5: Only date one person at a time
Every so often, the stars align, and several new prospects come along at one time. But contrary to popular wisdom, you don’t have to settle for just one person. Hughes notes that playing the field is the smartest way to find what you’re really looking for. ...

Rule #6: Wait for your date to say “I love you” first
Saying the L-word for the first time is a huge turning point in any relationship, so it’s no wonder why most people say you should wait for your partner to take the lead. But contrary to popular belief ... there’s no hard and fast rule for saying those three little words. ...

Rule #7: Couples who are in love spend all their free time together
One of the perks of being in a relationship is always having a standing date to do anything, from going dancing to washing your car. But that doesn’t mean you and your partner have to be joined at the hip. Spending time apart is actually a secret of happy couples. ...

What do you think about throwing these rules out the window? While we're at it, what other rules would you get rid of?

Cheating: Does it count when it's all in the mind?

"I broke up with him because he mentally cheats on me. He fantasizes about
other women."

This is the statement that I heard coming from my earpiece on what was
otherwise a rather peaceful afternoon the other day.

The person making the statements was obviously crying and explaining to me
how she casually asked her guy about whether he ever fantasizes about other
women (a question that I believe should remain in the "don't ask" category
permanently). He answered in the affirmative and she got mad.

I couldn't exactly see breaking up with a guy because he has fantasies about
Halle Berry. Now, if he was obsessive about it, that may be another story
and may indicate some other problems. If he was obsessively thinking about
the girl down the street and acknowledged it, then I may have to ponder.

There are those who say any form of thinking about another person is mental
cheating, even if it's recollecting moments from a past relationship. And
some of these people hold the belief that mental cheating is as bad as
physical cheatiing because mental cheating leads to physical cheating. While
I won't deny that physical cheating begins with mental cheating, I also
won't say it always leads to physical cheating. Just because someone thinks
something doesn't mean it will happen.

What do you consider mental cheating? Do you feel that it is a good reason
to break up with somebody?

Who's the boss?

I have a confession to make.

I am a bossy person.

When I want something done, I want it done right. And most of the time, I think my way is the right way to do it.

While I think that it's positive that I recognize my bossiness, it's unfortunate that I often don't realize that I'm bossing people around until after I've already done it.

My boyfriend sometimes has to remind me that I am not the boss of him. Just this past weekend I told him I thought he should go through his closet and get rid of the clothes from 1996 that are out of style and don't fit him anymore. I think this is reasonable and is something I do with my own closet on a regular basis. (I mean, who really needs THAT many T-shirts?) However, I realize that I do have to remember that they are HIS clothes and not mine, so may be I should just shut up every now and then.

In relationships, I think it's pretty typical for one person to be bossier than the other. A relationship with two bossy people would never work out, mostly because each person would be too strong willed to give in to the demands of the other person.

Are you the bossy person in your relationship? If so, how do you keep it under control? Are you dating a bossy person? How do you deal with a bossy mate?

Say my name, say my name

I've been known to mix up a name at one time or another, whether I'm on the phone and talking to one friend and call them by another one's name or I could know two people's names that sound somewhat alike and mix them up all the time.

However, because I'm aware of this, I tend to get more conscientious when I'm dating someone to make sure I don't succumb to my common fault.

Yet, there are some out there who are not so lucky. Whether it was a slip-up over the phone or to one's face, I'm met and have been friends with people who called their current by their ex's name, or worse, by the name of the person they were cheating on them with.

In some cases, the person just blew it off after a simple explanation was provided. The less lucky ones There have even been some who joked about it.


Have you ever called a significant other by the wrong name? How did they react? Have you ever been called by the wrong name and how did you react?

Out at the club

I was out at the Dirty Iguana over the weekend, and one of my male friends remarked that he was surprised to see so many guys there.

He was under the impression that clubs were mostly for women to go out dancing, and when women are out dancing, they don't want to be picked up by men. I told him that for the most part, women go to clubs go for the same reason as men: to meet and flirt with members of the opposite sex. (Oh, and to drink.) Why else would the Dirty Iguana have stripper-like poles on the bar? For women to impress their friends? I think not.

Sure, there are some nights when we want to go out and have a girls night, but that doesn't necessarily mean no guys at all. It usually means no guys with whom we hang out on a regular basis. It gives single ladies a chance to explore outside their circle and meet guys they wouldn't normally be hanging out with otherwise.

Ladies: Do you want men to approach you when you're out at the club, or would you rather just chill with your girlfriends?

Men: Do you feel that women are unapproachable in clubs?

How do you forgive?

Last night, I was watching an episode of "Sex and the City" in which Carrie received a message on her answering machine from her ex, Big. The problem was she was in the throes of passion with her current, Aidan, when the message came through. To make matters worse, they had just gotten back together after Carrie cheated on him with Big.

All that was to say the episode was all about forgiving and forgetting. Aidan was doing things such as not coming over to her place or not being as intimate because he was upset over the message.

As I get older, I realize that when in these situations, it's actually easier to forgive or get out because forgetting is one thing you definitely have no control over. Sometimes when trying to forget, you think about it more.

So that brings us to forgiveness. Some people are equipped to forgive even the worst of wrongdoings while maintaining a relationship. It may come with many nights of silent treatments, withholding of intimacy or even constant reminders the other party did something wrong, but it comes.

Others need an actual break from the person to forgive. This could be anywhere from a few days to even an all-out breakup. Healing for some can only come from time with one's self to meditate and evaluate. And even after all that is said and done, the hurt party may return to the significant other.

When you've been in a relationship where your partner did something that may have betrayed you, how did you handle the phase as you tried to forgive? How long would you say it took?

Southern belles and dating

This past weekend I watched the MTV show "True Life: I'm a Southern Belle." While there were a million annoying stereotypes in this show that I could pick on, I am going to focus on just one: marriage.

The show maintained that it is a widely-held Southern belief that people — particularly women — should marry young. A true Southern belle should go to college, meet her sweetheart, marry and have kids by age 26, according to the show. Of course, they did have the token young woman who didn't believe this, but her story was framed as that of someone combating tradition.

One of the single Southern belles on the show even bemoaned that at age 24 she was just one step away from being an old maid and crazy cat lady. This same woman and her friend then ran down a list of what they would not do in dating: they would not ask guys out, they would not date online, they would not call a guy first, they would not pay for a meal and so on and so forth.

This thinking certainly is a throwback to the Old South and a time when women were good for entertaining, making babies and pleasing their husbands.

I think this is a bit outdated.

Do you think that any of these old Southern traditions still exist? Have you ever felt pressure to marry young because you live in the South? Does living in the South change your views of dating?

Kids and current S.O. don't match

Recently, I heard a story about how a woman's children just refused to like her boyfriend.

She's been with the new guy for three years after divorcing the children's father after five years of marriage.

In all this time, she thought her children would warm up to her new guy. She said he often tries to extend olive branches to no avail. Whether it's showing interest in their activities or providing rewards for good performance in school and whatnot, the children continue to show resistance.

Now, she is thinking about marrying the guy, but she considers this one big hurdle to jump over. She's questioning whether she should do what she wants to do or not do it because she feels it would make her children not so happy.

On the bright side, her children didn't like dad's new girlfriend either. However, she said the children's attitudes don't seem to be bothering her as much.

How do you deal when your children do not like your significant other? Is there a future in such a relationship? Have you ever been in such a situation and found a way for it to work with all parties involved?

Age and money

My boyfriend made an interesting observation the other day, and I'd like to see if you agree with him.

Basically, he said that a relationship in which there is a significant age difference can only work out if one of the people in the couple is rich (or has significantly more money than the other person). Usually the older person is the rich person. The most obvious example is the older man and the stereotypical gold digger.

If BF's hypothesis is true, the reasons for such relationships could be based on some pretty shallow facts. That is, a young person would not date a considerably older person unless there was something in it for them, like money. Or perhaps the relationship is more likely to last because the less wealthy person likes being showered with gifts or money.

Think about relationships that you know. Are there any significant age differences or income differences? What do you think about this hypothesis?

How far is too far to go to get to know someone?

Ok, so we've done being married over a distance and being in a long-distance serious relationship.

But sometimes, when you just meet someone, you learn that they don't live just up the road. They could live in another city, county or possibly even another state.

That could make getting to know each other a lot more difficult. Instead of meeting up on a regular basis, you may have to opt for daily phone calls and e-mails. Or, depending on the distance, you could attempt to make that trek on a regular basis but it would lead to you paying exorbitant funding on gas and spending a lot of time on the road. And the funny thing is that you're not in a relationship. You are just trying to determine if it's worth establishing a relationship.

Nevertheless, I've seen various outcomes from situations such as these. Some people use these tactics and it works out for them, even eventually leading to marriage. Others got tired from dealing with the distance early on and cut their losses. A lot of the people I know who made it work at least stayed in the same state.

Do you think there is a maximum distance one should travel when just trying to get to know a person? Have you ever tried getting to know someone who lived elsewhere? How did it work out for you?

Keys to a successful marriage

The Telegraph's Sunday Leisure section featured a story about what research tells us about marriage. In short, the story examined what makes marriages successful and what makes them fail, based on statistics.

I found the results interesting, and thought I'd share them.

• Take life's big steps in mindful order. Research has shown that odds of a marriage staying together improve "when you graduate from college first; then marry, then have children."

This makes sense to me. Get your life together, enjoy the time you have with a significant other and then try to raise new little people. By the time you get to the kids part, you should already have the support (financially, emotionally, physically, mentally) you need from your spouse.

• Be wary of casual cohabitation. Some researchers say that there is "a tendency for cohabitating couples who otherwise wouldn't marry to slide into marriages of convenience that later hit the rocks."

I can see this happening. I have a friend who has lived with her boyfriend for about five years, and in the past she has said that the relationship was one of convenience. However, I think if you make a conscience decision to not let this happen, it would be OK.

• Find a supportive workplace. Since work-day emotions can spill over at home, "it makes sense to avoid workplaces where the deck is stacked against you."

Hmmm. Wouldn't it also be possible that you can find relief with your spouse when you try to escape your work? I think this one could go either way.

• Act quickly when troubles arise. Women who work outside the home are more likely to think it's a viable option to leave. However, dual-income households tend to share chores more evenly and make happier marriages. "Whatever the case, if your marriage starts to slide, act right away to change damaging behavior or take counseling or a marriage education program."

I'd rather have my own income than be financially dependent on my husband, but does that make me more likely to leave in general or just more likely to leave a bad situation? And if it's leaving a bad situation, is that really so bad? In any case, I definitely agree to work out troubles first before throwing a marriage away.

What do you think of these supposed keys to a successful marriage? Would you/do you make decisions based on research and statistics, or are you more likely to throw caution to the wind? What do you think are the building blocks of a successful marriage?