The questions before "Do you take this man ...?"

Nearly every wedding-themed article I read cautions against getting too caught up in the wedding itself and not the marriage. Marriages take work — and not just the kind of work that revolves around what color the flowers should be. Many ministers will not marry a couple unless the pair goes through pre-marital counseling. I think this is a very good idea.

In 2006, The New York Times ran a list of 15 questions that couples should ask each other before marrying. I don't know that any of the questions would be deal breakers (that would depend on your own personal opinions), but at least you will know what to expect going into the marriage. Never assume you know the answer. Just ask.

Here's a sample of some of the questions:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

What do you think about these questions? Are there any you would add to the list? What do you think about pre-marital counseling? What would you do if in discussing these questions, you and your partner came up with different answers?