Relationships generally fail for a reason. But sometimes that reason is not blatantly clear for both parties.
This can lead to what someone recently referred to as a "High Fidelity moment." In the movie, High Fidelity, John Cusak's character goes back and finds all his exes to ask why their relationships ended. Was it something he did? Was it something she did? Is he somehow inadequate all together? He is certainly not the first person to do that, nor will he be the last.
Years ago, I casually dated a guy for a bit until we had a falling out of sorts and just didn't talk again. A few years after not speaking, he IMs me wondering what went wrong and when was I going to come visit him. The answer to the last question was a bit fat "NEVER." Well, after talking to him awhile, I come to find out he had recently broken up with his girlfriend. Because she didn't want him, I guess he wanted to see if I still did.
Of course, sometimes people who have High Fidelity moments may genuinely want to try again. Maybe they recognize the error of their ways, realize they want something different out of life or realize that they really wanted their ex to start with. But it can be hard to sort them out from all the people who just want to feed their own egos.
Why do you think people come back to exes after relationships end? Could it be they're looking for validation or a real relationship? Has an ex ever come crawling back to you? How did he/she act? How did you react?
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Having a 'High Fidelity moment'
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2 comments:
I think a lot of it has to do with knowing how to end a relationship properly. You should be up front and tactful with the person which includes being honest. No Dear Jane letters, no IM but a face to face discussion on the reasons you ending things. We all owe it to the person. I actually broke up with someone early on after I found out how viciously she dumped a guy.
I recently had a situation pop up where an ex wanted to rehash our relationship because he was confused about where he was in life. Basically he screwed me over got with someone else and now he's seemingly trying to get some kind of validation that we would have never worked out even if we stayed together. I don't want to be bothered with him. He needs to lay in the bed he made. So people who want to come back after the fact to reevaluate are wack. They need to move on with their lives. You can't live in the past and especially if you did the other person dirty, you can't expect them to want to discuss it over a vanilla latte at Starbucks. Sorry.
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