I do take some weird joy in the fact that I can change a fuse on my car and kill Palmetto bugs in my apartment all by myself. I even own a plunger and a tool set. Living on my own for the past three years has shown me just how independent and crafty I can be and that's no small feat for a daddy's girl.
Yet, I can't help but think of a conversation I had with a friend a few years ago. She was preparing to marry her long-time fiance and I was joking with her about losing her independence when she said something that stuck with me to this day. "It's not that I'm not independent, it's just that I'm dependent enough."
Fast forward a couple of years and I have gotten used to doing everything for myself. So now, when I date a guy, and he asks to do something for me, I'm usually quick to do it myself. Not because I don't want him to, but because it's just habit for me to do things for myself.
For the independent ladies out there, do you find it difficult to learn to achieve that appropriate level of dependence? How important a role do you think independence and dependence play in a relationship?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Dependent enough?
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3 comments:
I think as a woman these days you need to be a little of both. Men don't like you bothering them for every little thing, but they do like to feel needed and feel like the man of the relationship. I think men probably think it's sexy if we can put together an Ikea bookcase all by ourselves, but he'd probably prefer to change your tire for you (but we should learn how to do these things if he's not around). Oh and if he is doing something for you don't stand around and nag or tell them how to do it. It totally takes away from the "I Am Man" thing.
I struggle with this in every relationship. I'm very indepedent. I was raised to be that way. I find it hard to depend on a man-they always let you down.
sorry girls, but guys need to feel needed. If he is around, let him do it. If he is not around, by all means do it yourself. But you really have to find a balance with each individual guy.
Independent is good for us ladies. But, some guys feel like, "she dont need me..."
I have seen it too many times in my own relationships. Have lost many a good guy to a loser girl who cant do anything for themselves (like supporting themselves even!)
Couldnt understand what I was doing wrong, but eventually realized these guys needed to be needed, and needed to rescue someone.
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