I couldn't tell you what was the first date my boyfriend and I went on.
It could have been Christmas tree shopping. Or it could have been the movie we watched later that night. Or maybe it was a couple days later when we went on a picnic near the Ocmulgee River.
It's hard to distinguish because we never had that defined date moment where boy asks girl, "Will you go out with me?" Instead, we saw each other casually as our two groups of friends began to overlap. Then we started texting each other. I asked if he wanted to go to Wal-Mart to pick out a Christmas tree with me. Then he asked if I wanted to watch a movie later that night. And from there we started "dating," but it more closely resembled hanging out than the traditional meaning of the word might imply.
I don't think I'm the only one who has ever moved into this dating gray area. And it's bound to happen more often as more men and women start dating people they know as friends. One minute you're hanging out, and the next you're making out. What happened to the date? I don't know for sure, but I have one idea.
Technology. I mentioned that before we started dating, my boyfriend and I texted each other, and we also sent messages on Facebook. This casual form of interacting takes away all the pressure of asking someone out on an official date. Flirting is easy when you can't see the other person's reaction. So instead of saying, "Do you want to go out Friday night," you say something like I did: "I'm gonna buy a Christmas tree in a minute. Wanna come?" He says yes, and there is instant gratification. There's no time to worry about picking out the right clothes or fretting that he'll show up on time, two attributes of the traditional date. You just do it, and move on to the next thing you enjoy.
Do you agree about the decline of the traditional date? Is dating still relevant today? Are we more likely to hang out and make out rather than set up a date at a specified time and place?
Monday, June 9, 2008
Is dating still relevant?
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4 comments:
Bravo on a good post.
I do think that dating is relevant - or at least it should be.
Although "hanging out" is comfortable, it can also be confusing. What if person A thinks it's dating when person B thinks it's just hanging out? At least with a date, some sort of attraction is clearly defined.
I agree that dating should be relevant, otherwise, as the previous post says, it becomes too comfortable. If that happens, then the whole relationship and the work surrounding it become not as important. The flirtation is fun and exciting, but there comes a time when someone should ask someone on an official date.
I hate the grey area and avoid it at all costs.
I'm not opposed to casually seeing people, but when a guy says "wanna come over and chill?" via text message, I try and get him out. I'll make it a date if I want, and if I don't, it isn't. Or it's up to him, but I'm not going to get too comfortable too fast.
So yes, for me dating is relevant. I need it to be. I need black and white in my life. Grey might be OK for others, but I hope some men hold on to dating.
Dating is definitely relevant.
Just for future reference - it's easier to be asked out/ask someone out at the start of the relationship if one or both parties isn't already in a relationship.
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