We've talked before about dating people with high incomes versus low incomes and vice versa. For me, and I think I've said this before, dating someone with a low income is not a definite deal breaker. Dating someone with debt, however, is.
And I'm not talking about someone who has a normal amount of debt that they pay off on a regular basis, such as a financed car or a mortgage on a house. I'm talking about the people who never pay off their credit cards, always pay the minimum payment and already are piling on the debt with no end in sight.
This is a deal breaker. Part of the reason is because debt scares me. But mostly it's because I know this means that we have different spending habits, and I would be unable to live with his.
With the tough economy we're in right now, it can be rough trying to stay within a budget and control spending. For me, it means eating out less and cutting down on other purchases, like clothes, that I would like but don't necessarily need. For others, it means pulling out the plastic.
Here are three sobering statistics:
* About 43% of American families spend more than they earn each year.
* Average households carry some $8,000 in credit card debt.
* Personal bankruptcies have doubled in the past decade.
This means a whole lot of people in the dating pool have a whole lotta debt.
Is debt a deal breaker for you? If so, why? If not, what amount of debt would you accept? If you have a lot of debt, has it ever affected your dating relationships? Is it fair to judge someone based on the about of money they owe?
Friday, May 16, 2008
Debt = Deal Breaker
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57 comments:
Of course debt is a dealbreaker for you...
Aren't you the one who has problems helping friends out if they need money?
If someone is in debt, but is making steps to make changes and doesn't pass the burden of paying it off on me, then I have no problems.
People make mistakes, but if they try to make it right, you shouldn't condemn them or brush them off.
It's called compassion.
I believe Rose said, "I'm talking about the people who never pay off their credit cards, always pay the minimum payment and already are piling on the debt with no end in sight." She's not talking about people who realize their problem and are trying to make financial changes in their lives.
Why don't read the post, anonymous No. 1, before you slam the blogger.
Right "Always paying the minimum amount?"
What if that is all they can afford? But they are still trying to pay down the debt?
In that case, she is "talking about people who realize their problem and are trying to make financial changes in their lives."
Read the post, then slam the person making the comment.
To clarify - I wasn't trying to bash Rose...just from the sounds of her post, she is a young girl still trying to figure out what a real, grown-up relationship is.
People aren't perfect. They come with flaws and debts and bad habits. She (and other young girls her age) always seemed shocked when they find this out.
It's just reality.
She's clearly talking about people who pay the minimum because they only want to pay the minimum, not because that's all they can afford.
Nobody is asking that our mates be perfect, but it's not too much to expect that they be responsible. You can bet that people who have been and continue to be financially irresponsible have other problems as well, and that doesn't bode well for a relationship. I'm way older than Rose and I think she's right on the money, pun intended.
It's really not that clear..and read her othe rposts about money.
I did. They're clear to me.
Hmmm...well, maybe you know something the rest of us don't.
Still not clear.
Thanks for all the thoughtful comments.
I'll clarify, since some of you feel I was unclear:
Actively paying down debt, recognizing you have a problem and doing something about it = OK.
Just paying the minimum payment and continuing to spend = Not OK. If you are just paying the minimum payment and doing nothing to cut back on your spending, you will never pay off your debt.
Yes people come with flaws, but we do not have to accept all of them. We all choose to accept different flaws in people. Maybe I accept some other flaw that for you is a deal breaker. If you choose to accept debt, then OK. I just don't. For me, it reflects incredibly different spending habits and values, and it means we will be likely to fight about money our entire relationship or marriage. Money is one of the top reasons for divorce. I choose not to make it an issue.
Debt is scary. It's as scary for the person in debt as it is for the person witnessing it.
What's worse is the personal responsibility that some people avoid in handling their money.
Yes-uncontrolled debt is a deal-breaker but I have tried to help a couple of financially-strapped boyfriends think of $$$$-creative ways to date without going further into debt. (Picnic in a park, free events, walks on the beach.Hey-even washing the car can be a fun way to spend an afternoon.)
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