We asked for ideas from the many commentators on our blog and finally got one.
On a recent blog, a reader commented about an episode of Oprah where a husband allowed his wife to have a sexual and romantic relationship with another man. The husband was supportive of the relationship and the woman said she would support the husband if he dared to partake in a similar relationship outside of the marriage.
Recently ABC.com posted an article questioning whether an open marriage can be more successful than a monogamous marriage. The conclusion: it depends on the people in the marriage.
The arguments on this topic are endless. Let's start with the obvious: Marriage is supposed to be the union of one man and one woman (at least according to the recent laws passed in the U.S.). However, secretive adultery appears to be a mainstay in this world. You could also raise the issue of how it goes against religious and moral standards, and not to mention the increased chances of spreading STDs. But then again, couples in an open marriage are being honest in their communication about their activities. Unfortunately, sleeping with somebody outside of a marital union has been around since the beginning of time. Is a person who stays with a spouse after learning they had an affair (which he or she may be continuing) any better or worse than a couple that is honest about it?
In general, what do you think of open marriages? Do you think they can work? Do you think open marriages is pushing the limits too far?
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Open marriages= opening the floodgates?
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4 comments:
Marriage is about commitment, discipline and building a family. There's no point in getting married if you want to sleep around. Marriage isn't just a legal piece of paper (which many folks argue), but a spiritual, physical and emotional commitment you make to another person. It's also about discipline, responsibility and sacrifice.
Our society has gotten away from that. People don't take marriage seriously any more, so the value of it has dwindled and that's why so many people are becoming "open" to open marriages and swinging. If you know that you aren't disciplined enough to have a monogamous marriage, you need to stay single. Somewhere down the line, no matter how open you are, somebody is going to get hurt. Just as lust is a human nature, so is jealousy.
I wouldn't call any open marriage successful. If you're sleeping with someone besides your spouse -- open or not -- something's just not right.
People seem to think marriage has been a singular sacred bond throughout history. It hasn't. Marriage was usually done to unite families, gain titles, expand wealth and power, to give women secure homes and men to have heirs. Since many unions were marriages of convience, there has been a lot of fooling around throughout history. The idea of marrying solely for love is a rather modern concept.
Since women can own property of their own now and we can support ourselves, there is little gain to marrying a person if your relationship is open.
Either way, it seems keeping up multiple relationships is like juggling a lot of heavy objects.
Potentially hurtful for all of the parties involved.
Sometimes, you can truly be in love with one person, but that won't make you faithful. Some people can really detach love and sex and for those, an open marriage allows them to have a known with security (the marriage) while exploring the unknown. One thing I have to respect about the situation is that it's honest because a lot of people would prefer to live in a dishonest facade just to front before their friends and family.
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