Somebody has to make the first move

So you like a person and all appearances show that the person has some interest in you.

You make casual conversation. You may even talk regularly on instant messenger or find yourself going to the same outings.

However, no one has made a move in that direction. The problem is somebody has to make the first move.

Oftentimes, being interested is like being at the middle school dance. Boys are lined up on the one side and girls are lined up on the other. Everybody wants to dance and nobody wants to make the first move. Yet, once someone makes the first move, everything falls in line and the dance is jumping.

If you're like me, making the first move depends on the object of affection and intent. Usually, if I see the guy is shy, I'll make the first move. If the guy tends to be the more assertive type, I tend to fall back and wait for him to make the first move.

Now, of course, sometimes, when I make the first move, I get rejected. That's a part of life. Other times, we decide to move in a positive direction, but it just doesn't work out. Yet, when neither one of us tries, I'm going to be left to ponder the "what ifs".

How do you feel about making the first move? Do you find it's better to take initiative or stick with the wait-and-see approach? If you've ever made the first move, how did it work out for you?

Combining his and hers

Eventually I'm going to have to come to grips with sharing my living space with a man. Whether it be a marriage situation or before then, at some point, my stuff is going to have to mix with his stuff. And that terrifies me.

It's not that I wouldn't enjoy a man's company. It's just that he'll probably come with his hands full of items that I simply don't deem worthy of being displayed in a home, things that he holds close to his heart that I would want to throw in the trash.

I mean, sometimes guys just keep weird stuff. Like a giant traffic cone. And sometimes they keep juvenile stuff. Like posters of hot celebrities. And then there could be action figures or swords or who knows what else that's hiding in the back of their closets.

To be fair, surely any man wouldn't be too thrilled with my own current decorating choices, which consist of bright colors, including a lot of pink. But that's OK. I can change that. I'm not married to pink. There are lots of gender neutral colors that, if chosen in appropriate patterns could be chic and nice, not too girly and not too bachelory. (Yes, I made up that word.)

What would be the appropriate way to mix his and hers without catering too much to one person? How do you decide what stays and what goes? What kind of things does your SO have that you would not want in your house?

Off topic: Thought some of you would find this Ask Lynn relationship advice column interesting.

Here's a summary of the question:

I am a 27-year-old, single, highly educated female. I can honestly say I have never had a boyfriend. ... I’ve read the books, and I’ve tried EVERYTHING (online dating, getting set up by friends, being friendly, going out and about, church)... including not trying. ...

I currently live in a smaller, semi-rural city. ... Everyone I know thinks I am a great person — I have a great personality, I’m fun, I’m fairly easy to get along with, and I even have a pretty decent body — there just isn’t anyone out there who even looks at me. ...

What am I supposed to do? ...

Read the answer here.

What do you think of Lynn's advice?

Before tying tubes and snip snip, talk to your partner

I'm a full believer that communication is necessary in a relationship when making a life-altering decision. It's especially of the utmost importance when the decision affects both of you.

That's why when it comes to vasectomies and tubal ligations, I think it's plain wrong to get one without having a discussion with your significant other.

Now, I know some people believe that if it's my body then it's my choice. However, once you get married, that choice affects a lot more people.

Yet, not telling someone that you plan to end your ability to reproduce speaks volumes about a you. Literally, it says you don't want to have a child. However, in a deeper sense, it almost says that you're selfish and controlling. Selfish because you're making a decision that will affect your union forever on your own. That says a lot about what you think of your partner's feelings. And it makes you controlling because you've determined the course of action by yourself.

Do you think the partner should be involved when making such a decision?

In sickness and in health

I've been a little under the weather this week with a basic head cold, which is no fun. But I was lucky that on my worst day, my boyfriend came over to my apartment, cooked dinner, watched some TV with me and tucked me into bed. What a sweetheart.

A few years back when I was dating another guy, I wasn't so nice.

My boyfriend at the time was sick, and he insisted that I stay with him the entire time. He wasn't feeling well one night, so I went out with my friends, only to have him complain that I wasn't taking good care of him. And since he complained about it so much, when I did do something nice, like bring him soup, it felt forced and not genuine, even if it was.

When I talked with friends at the time, I received different reactions, which basically could be divided into two sides: my single friends and my friends in relationships. The friends in relationships said things like, "Awww, you left him all by himself?" and my single friends said things like, "Why should you stay home when he's the sick one?" I never was sure if I was overreacting to his requests or reacting appropriately.

What do you consider proper etiquette when one person in a relationship is sick? And I'm not talking about being terminally ill or seriously sick. I'm talking about a cold or the flu. Should the healthy one always stay at home taking care of the sick one? What have you done in the past? Why do you think single people and non-single people view the situation differently?

After a certain age and time, time to move out

Before I go into this blog, I would just like to preface this by saying I know that people fall on hard times and some people have no reason to really get their own place because they're never in one place very long (i.e. military men who are constantly deployed). Hey, you may even have to stay at their parents' house to take care of them. That is all very understandable.

However, for the men and women who are living comfortably with their parents because they're being cheap or lazy, it's not attractive. It's just really not. And being cheap is different than trying to save up money for your own place.

And again, I'm not talking about someone who is 18 who may be scared to face the world. I'm talking about 30-something year old (and I've heard of older) men and women who can't cook, clean or do their own laundry and is just fine with Mommy and Daddy doing it for them. The person may or may not have a job, but it still doesn't matter because they likely won't pay rent anyway.

When it comes to dating, most people usually want someone who is near or beyond the level they're at. Living with one's parents, depending on the circumstances, beyond your 20s is a serious sign of regression and may be a sign someone may not be ready for an adult relationship. Why the 20s? That is the time when many of us have started embracing, or cursing, all the responsibilities and privileges that come with being an adult.

On that note, have you ever dated an adult who was staying with their parents? How did that relationship work out for you? For adults who stay with their parents, why are you staying there and does it have an effect on your romantic relationships?

More on Macon singles

It's evident that many of you believe there are no good-looking, intelligent, classy people in Macon.

I would beg to differ because most likely the people lamenting this problem are good-looking, intelligent and classy themselves (otherwise, they really need to lower their standards). Plus, I have a number of very normal single friends who, yes, live in Macon with the very same dilemma.

So the issue isn't that there is a lack of respectable singles but a lack of ways for singles to find each other. Here's what I see as the main problem that plagues anyone in any city trying to find a date:

As humans, we are creatures of habit. We go to the same places and hang out with the same people. If we are never introduced to new places or new people, we will never meet anyone new. This is fine if you enjoy dating your friends, but not so great if you want to expand out of your circle. Such a situation is why vacationers and newcomers often find dates: they don't know anyone to start with, so each person they meet is a new opportunity.

But the same question still exists: Where do you go to find all these people?

That depends on what you're looking for. Think of what you enjoy doing or would maybe like to try. Then actually go do it! If you like biking, join a cycling group. You could also volunteer some time with an organization like Volunteer Macon or join a civic organization like the Kiwanis Club or Rotary Club. If you're too shy to do something new alone, invite a friend. Just remember to meet other people, too.

You may meet your next significant other at any of these events. Or you may not, but you could meet your next SO's best friend, sister or even grandmother. Make new friends and make friends with their friends.

I don't promise this will be easy, but if you're doing something you enjoy, it should be fun. If you never venture out of your comfort zone, you may never meet that special someone.

Why do you think it's hard for people to leave their comfort zone? Have you ever attempted what is described above? What happened?

Providing the mistress

The holiday season is coming up and many well-meaning girlfriends and wives are pondering what to get their boyfriends and husbands, respectively.

We all know about boys and their toys whether it's electronics or power tools. Depending on the guy in your life, you could be looking at the various IPods or a chainsaw.

My friend recently purchased her boyfriend a video game for a special occasion. She gave it to him Saturday and haven't seen him since. She was concerned about his whereabouts until she realized he was in the back room of their apartment with the video game for hours on in.

And then I can recall my mother purchasing quite a few tools in the past for my dad. Whenever dad got a new tool, he became the neighborhood Mr. Fix-It because he didn't want to put it down. When the sun rose, he would be out and he would not return until long after the sun set.

The only issue is, at least in the beginning, the men can become a little obsessive and spend much more time away from you.

You have met "the other woman" and you handed her to him wrapped in a bow.

Have you ever purchased a present for your beau that affected the time put into your relationship? How did you deal with it?

Where singles mingle

After an anonymous poster wondered aloud last week where all the singles hang out in Macon, I started wondering the same thing.

My initial thought was at El Azteca, probably because that's where I met my boyfriend. I can't speak for all nights of the week, but I know that on Wednesday nights when the restaurant hosts trivia the place is hopping with people flirting with each other.

I also remembered a co-worker telling me that joining various church groups helps introduce you to like-minded people.

Other than that, my well was dry, so I thought I'd ask some locals where they go to meet other like-minded singles. I did this for about 30 minutes until I realized I was doing this during a weekday, so my chances of finding many gainfully employed (ie, date-able) people were slim. Although I have the best intentions to finish my survey at a later date, I'm not sure that I will, so here's what I've found out so far.

(The following answers come from people found on Mercer University's campus, so they're from a young demographic.)

• Bars seem to be the default answer for people seeking dates. Most frequently named were the Hummingbird and Dea.

• One guy said he hung out on Cherry Street when he was looking for a lady.

• Parks, like Tattnall Square or Washington, were cited as places to meet the opposite sex. It is especially helpful if you have a puppy with you.

What are some of the places you find other singles in Macon? If you're in a relationship, where did you meet your significant other?

Make me a match, not you

You have to love well-meaning friends.

When they see that you have not been on a date in awhile, they start going through that Rolodex in their memory to find you a date. This can also happen when you get out of a relationship with someone they couldn't stand.

They start thinking about old school friends or people at work, trying to find someone single who they feel is compatible.

Depending on how you are, you either blow your friend off or appease them by agreeing to a date.

However, when you go out on the date, you figure out that the person is perfect all right. Your date is a perfectly suitable mate for your friend. Everything from their style of dress to their values to their interests screams out they would be compatible with your friend.

Now if you've ever watched any show centered around a group of friends, whether it's Friends, Sex in the City or Girlfriends, you know how different friends can be from one another.

Rachel and Chandler would not have worked. And Miranda probably would've strangled Big after about his third screw-up. Yet, Chandler suited Monica and Carrie and Big were meant to be.

Like those shows, my friends and I have a lot in common, but we almost never agree on what makes a man attractive or our dating styles. So, when trying to help a single friend out, we try to keep that in mind.

Do you trust your friends to set you up with someone who is compatible with you? Has your friend ever tried to set up with someone who was more compatible with them? How did it go?

Get her to say, 'Yes'

I was trolling around MSN today and came across this story about how to ask a woman out (and get her to say yes). The tips are pretty good, and I could hardly see them backfire. In the spirit of equality, though, I would apply them to women who want to ask men out, too.

Here's a brief summary of the tips, as listed on the Web site.

1. DO be straightforward. If you want to go out with her, just say so.

2. DON’T ask her out via email. It's too impersonal and makes it too easy for her to say no. (Same goes for texting, MySpace and Facebook.)

3. DO look her in the eyes and smile when you ask her. Confidence is attractive.

4. DON’T pass the buck to her. A shy woman may not act on it.

5. DO practice your cool, can-do tone. Such a tone makes the act sound casual and not threatening.

6. DON’T be vague. Plans that aren't made usually never happen.

7. DO knock it out of the park with originality. Dinner and a movie is so passe.

8. DO make it clear it’s a date with one specific phrase. Don't leave her wondering if you're going out on a date or just as friends.

What are some other tips you would add to this list? What usually makes you say, "yes," to a date?

Love union=financial union?

I've made it to 25 with a good credit score, no loans and a very small amount of credit card debt. My bank account is always in the black.

However, once I seriously dated a guy who received overdraft slips on such a routine basis that they came with the missing child advertisements. Every slot in his wallet was filled with a credit card. And some of those were maxed out.

Would we have been a compatible couple for a joint banking account? Doubt it.

While I enjoy shopping every now and then, I'm a person who always knows exactly how much is in her account. When sharing an account with someone, I can't always have that luxury. They could be out purchasing a new big screen television while you're trying to pay the rent.

It would take a lot of communication and a person with a similar financial mindset for me to consider a joint account.

However, I have friends who live with their significant others and husbands who were filled with glee when the checks arrived with both their names on it. Some decided all the money would go into one account and others decided to maintain a separate account while relying on the joint account for major shared expenses. If I had to do a joint account, I would opt for the latter.

What is your view on sharing a joint account? Should only married couples consider joint accounts? Do you share a joint account with your significant other or spouse and how well is that working for you?

Group dates vs. one-on-one

When you're getting to know someone, do you prefer to go out in a group or meet together one-on-one?

Let's examine the pros and cons of both.

Group dates
Pros:
• The pressure to be entertaining at all moments of the date is released a little. With other people around, the spotlight won't always be on you, and you can breathe for a minute.
• You can see how your date interacts with a variety of people. How he or she treats friends mostly likely reflects the way you'll be treated.
• You can observe how your date talks about and treats you. It's a good sign if your date's eyes are glued to you despite all the distractions.
Cons:
• With other people around, you may not have a good chance to talk specifically to your date and really get to know him or her.
• If the group date consists only of his friends, you put yourself out for judgment.
• You could set yourself up for being in the friend-zone if the activity is too friendly and not date-like.


One-on-one dates
Pros:
• You have time to get to know your date on a personal level.
• You can measure his gentlemanliness or her classiness.
• You set the mood for how you want the date to go.
Cons:
• You may be nervous and unable to think of things to say, which may lead to an awkward silence.
• You may not get a whole picture of your date.
• You could need a way out of a bad date.

In the end, what it all comes down to is personal choice. I prefer one-on-one dates in the beginning and group dates after we've gotten to know each other a little bit.

What are some pros and cons of group dates vs. one-on-one dates? Which do you prefer?

Relating by the book

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. The Rules. He's Just Not That Into You.

These are all the names of best-selling books intended to inform readers of ways to develop healthy, successful relationships or determine unhealthy relationships so that one can terminate them.

My friends and I have all, at some point, read a relationship book for one reason or another. I have one friend who was so focused on the "rules" that she ruled herself out of a relationship. And almost every person I know who has read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" hated it because they realized their main feature of attraction at the time was not into them. (Though I would think feeling the need to purchase the book should be a major indicator and could save you a few bucks.)

For the most part, I read them for comic value, especially if they have anecdotes. It's amazing the crazy things people will admit to in a book.

From the books I have read, all the "good" ones give the same, common-sense advice: communicate wisely, go with your intuition, be open. Nevertheless, writing such books is a million-dollar enterprise that continues to grow.

Have you ever read a book on relationships? What book was it and did it help you romantically?

Couples costumes

As Halloween and costume parties roll around, it's typical to see couples dressed in costumes that complement each other. Doctor and nurse, Fred and Wilma, and Cinderella and Prince Charming are only a few that probably will wander into a costume party at some point this year.

Cutesy as these costumes are, they are mostly unoriginal and don't take much thought to put together.

My friend and her boyfriend, though, have costumes planned that, I think, take the cake. She's going to be a cop (a sexy cop, of course), and he's going to be the University of Florida student who was tasered. The idea is original, timely and hilarious -- everything a great Halloween costume should be.

My boyfriend and I won't be dressing alike this year; he's actually coupling with a friend to be the Blues Brothers. In the past, the only couples costume I've done was with my sister when were kids: She was a box and I was a UPS delivery person.

Of course, there are some pretty bad couples costumes as well. Most anything that involves a man wearing tights is a no-no in my book.

What are some of the best couples costumes you've seen? What about the worst? What are some that you'd like to see? What is your costume this year? Do you think it's cheesy or cute when couples make their costumes match?

Why did you have to tell me THIS now?

I'll be honest. I love watching romantic comedies. From My Best Friend's Wedding to the Wedding Planner, a common device used is the revelation of romantic feelings for someone at the very wrong time, like right before they're about to marry someone else.

And just when I thought it could only happen in the movies, I began hearing stories from friends and family members of being on the other end of this expression. Usually, the stories came after someone became engaged and someone stated in some form or fashion "I thought I was going to be the one to marry you."

From there, the conversations went downhill. One person actually responded "well if you had told me this two years ago before I began to think of you as my sister, it could've been different." More or less, they all responded in some way that said the timing was inappropriate.

While I'm all for expressing how you feel, after someone has gotten engaged and right before they get married is the wrong time to do it. More than likely, the person is already going through a lot of convoluted emotions as they are about to take a major step in their life. Revealing that you have been in love with them for the last five years is not going to help and only going to confuse them more.

Has someone close to you ever expressed feelings for you when you were heavily involved in another relationship? How did you react? How did it affect your relationship with that person?

Tell a white lie

Truth be told, I could use some help telling little white lies.

When my boyfriend got a -- in my opinion -- horrible haircut, my face said it all. And I didn't pretend to like it either.

"Why did you do that?" I asked him with disdain dripping from my voice.

OK, so it wasn't my finest moment. I know that when I get a haircut I would like my boyfriend to compliment it, even if he doesn't like it, or else I'd feel in the dumps. I imagine my own comments didn't raise his spirits much. And although I feel the need to always say what's on my mind, one expert says white lies aren't all bad, and can actually be good for any type of relationship.

The major difference between a white lie and a hard lie is that a hard lie is said to protect oneself, whereas a little white lie is said to protect someone else. Relationships can be complex and tricky at times. Sometimes a harmless, thoughtful pleasantry is just what the doctor ordered.

Sounds good to me. So what types of white lies are OK? Those that preserve someone's feelings, protect a child's innocence, serve as passing pleasantries or are compliments, according to the expert.

Just a word of caution though: if you really don't like something (for example, a dinner I cook), you better tell me unless you want a repeat. If you talk about how good it is, I'll do it again just to try to please you!

Do you believe white lies are OK or do you prefer brutal honesty? What are some other white lies that are OK? Where do you draw the line? What's the worst lie you ever told in a relationship?

Getting friendly on the rebound

Last night, I was watching this show called "The Game" where one of the female leads recently learned her boyfriend was cheating on her.

Long story short, she moved out of the apartment she shared with her boyfriend and in with a close male friend. During a moment where she's hurting and talking, a friendly kiss turns into a heated romp.

Prior to having sex, the friend was offering to assist her financially with transportation and a living location. However, after hooking up, she decides she cannot accept his help because he wants more and she doesn't want him to be "the rebound guy."

Now, I don't know too many women who have male friends that would provide them with all expenses paid shelter and transportation, but I do know a few who have had a vulnerable moment with a guy friend after a relationship malfunctioned.

It's not a difficult situation to find yourself in. Most women I know select nice guys to be their male friends. Appealing qualities in a male friend are that you can trust them and they will protect you. After someone has broken your heart, you want to feel safe and be around someone you can trust. You also want to feel loved.

However, while you get that moment of security, you set yourself up for a time of awkwardness. It may have been a release, but now you have to concern yourself with the future of your friendship and how the other person feels about what happened. On top of all that, you're still reeling from a recent relationship ending. Hopefully, you won't have to deal with two relationships ending if the other person decides they have deeper feelings for you than you have for them.

What do you think of rebounding with a friend? Have you ever been in that situation and how did it turn out for you?

Trophy wife economics

I really got a kick out of this, and I hope you do, too. A friend sent me this funny item that was originally posted on Craig's List and has been repeated on many blogs. I believe the original post on Craig's List has expired, and that's why I'm not linking to it.

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple.

But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as
gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump." I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

You've gotta respect the two posters for telling it like it is. In their spirit of honesty and candidness: how do you feel about trophy spouses (hey, women can be rich, too!) and who really wants to marry rich?

Your room or mine?

When you watch those old television shows from the 1950s, it was not uncommon to see a married couple sleeping in separate beds. Eventually, couples began to feel sharing the same bed was the way to go and that became the new norm.

Fast forward to today and now home contractors are saying more and more couples are asking for separate master suites.

However, many couples who decide on this arrangement aren't talking about because of a stigma that separate rooms means there must be a problem in the relationship.

Yet, the couples in the article did it for sleep-related reasons. Some stated snoring while others criticized their partner's sleeping positions. I could even think of a few more that could irk a significant other over time: sleeping with the television or radio on, having a window open or even working different shifts.

I actually know a few couples who live together who don't share a bed every night. One is a much older couple where one person is a neat freak and the other person is a packrat. Another couple is around their mid-20s and their sleeping patterns just don't mesh. (Basically, one person in the couple sleeps so violently that it has managed to inflict bodily injury on occasion.)

Like the couples in the article, they still maintain intimacy and affection. Or, in other words, they're still having sex with each other. And oddly enough, both couples tell me it's easier to read a locked bedroom door than body language in bed when the other person doesn't want to be bothered.

Do you think sharing separate rooms is healthy for a relationship? Do you know someone who does it or have you tried it yourself? How did it work out for you?

Fighting style and a healthy heart

I've never doubted fighting with a significant other put an emotional toll on people. But new research shows that fighting also can affect a person's physical health.

The New York Times reports that it's not how often or why couples fight that matters but rather how they react to and resolve conflict. The effects differ for men and women.

A common conflict resolution strategy is to keep quiet and not say anything at all. But besides not really solving the conflict, this strategy also has scary consequences for women.

In men, keeping quiet during a fight didn’t have any measurable effect on health. But women who didn’t speak their minds in those fights were four times as likely to die during the 10-year study period as women who always told their husbands how they felt, according to the July report in Psychosomatic Medicine.

Four times! That should be encouragement for any woman to vent her feelings. But ladies should be careful in how they do so, lest they wish to damage their spouse's health.

For a man, heart risk increased if disagreements with his wife involved a battle for control. And it didn’t matter whether he or his wife was the one making the controlling comments. An example of a controlling argument style showed up in one video of a man arguing with his wife about money. “You really should just listen to me on this,” he told her.

Moral of the story: When you argue, fight fair. Your health could depend on it.

What's your fighting style? What are some fair fighting tactics you use when arguing with an SO? Will you be more aware of your fighting style after you've learned about these possible health repercussions? Do you believe these health problems as a result of fighting are true?

Open marriages= opening the floodgates?

We asked for ideas from the many commentators on our blog and finally got one.

On a recent blog, a reader commented about an episode of Oprah where a husband allowed his wife to have a sexual and romantic relationship with another man. The husband was supportive of the relationship and the woman said she would support the husband if he dared to partake in a similar relationship outside of the marriage.

Recently ABC.com posted an article questioning whether an open marriage can be more successful than a monogamous marriage. The conclusion: it depends on the people in the marriage.

The arguments on this topic are endless. Let's start with the obvious: Marriage is supposed to be the union of one man and one woman (at least according to the recent laws passed in the U.S.). However, secretive adultery appears to be a mainstay in this world. You could also raise the issue of how it goes against religious and moral standards, and not to mention the increased chances of spreading STDs. But then again, couples in an open marriage are being honest in their communication about their activities. Unfortunately, sleeping with somebody outside of a marital union has been around since the beginning of time. Is a person who stays with a spouse after learning they had an affair (which he or she may be continuing) any better or worse than a couple that is honest about it?

In general, what do you think of open marriages? Do you think they can work? Do you think open marriages is pushing the limits too far?

Nag, nag, nag

It seems that whenever a woman asks a man to do something, the request automatically comes off as nagging.

I was listening to an out-of-state radio station last week in which the DJs talked with a caller about how she nagged her boyfriend. The couple lived together, and whenever the woman asked her boyfriend to do something, he complained that she was nagging him. Eventually, her nagging led the boyfriend to move out.

It's not like this woman was asking him to do unreasonable things. They were simple tasks, like put your dishes in the dishwasher when you're done with them and pick up after yourself. But whenever a woman asks a man to do something, she automatically is labeled as nagging and taking away the man's personal freedom.

I'm sorry, but I don't think personal freedom extends to leaving the house a mess. A woman should be able to ask a man to do something, and he should do it the first time. If he doesn't do it the first time, he should expect to be asked to do it again. If he did the chore the first time he wouldn't have to put up with all this nagging.

Wait, you may be saying, if these things bother a woman so much, shouldn't she do it herself? The problem with that is if the woman always takes out the trash, always puts up the dishes and always does the laundry, she becomes more of a maid than a girlfriend or wife.

Of course, there is a solution to this. Before living with a significant other -- or any roommate for that matter -- the couple should go over ground rules. The rules should address: What are the expectations for keeping the house straight? What are the chores, and who will do them? When will the chores be done? Agree to the rules and stick to them. Anyone who doesn't stick to the rules should expect to be reminded of them. This goes for men and women.

What are some other ways to deal with a nagging girlfriend or a boyfriend who needs to be nagged? Why do you think women have a reputation for nagging their men? Is nagging sometimes necessary or should it always be avoided?

PS- If anyone's interested in a study about friends with benefits, click here.

Just a little mistake

Dating takes a lot of skill. From stating interest to making an appointment to actual execution takes work. And, of course, anything that takes that much work leaves a lot of room for mistakes.

In this article, two relationship experts state that the biggest mistake single make is approaching dating as a game which leads to a lot more games which they said is a no-no.

Here's a few of the mistakes or "games" the experts said that we make when dating: playing hard to get, acting mysterious, building up a man's ego, portraying Prince Charming, pursuit and capture, using financial status as a measuring stick and keeping a woman guessing.

Now, the reason these are called mistakes is because, in the end, you really haven't focused on knowing the actual person or letting them know you. You have just focused on "getting" them. You have basically created an image that usually dissipates sometime after the honeymoon phase of a relationship. And then you're stuck with the choice of having to learn the person all over again as who they really are or moving on because it wasn't what you believed it to be.

Which, if any, of the common "mistakes" have you made? Do you view it as a mistake or a necessary part of dating?