Ask and you shall receive. A fellow blogger has suggested we discuss views on marriage, since one of his/her resolutions for the new year is to determine whether to stay with an SO who has a different view on marriage.
To most people, marriage signifies a life-long commitment. It is a symbol that two people have agreed to devote their lives to one another. But because of the fact that now a majority of marriages fail, some people do not view marriage as the symbol that it once was. The act of marriage, to some, has become meaningless. To them, staying together for eternity without what can be seen as an obligatory bond, is much more meaningful than just saying a few vows that all too often are broken. Staying together because you want to be together -- not because a piece of paper says you should be -- shows true commitment.
Obviously, this would be a difficult thing to compromise or meet in the middle on. You're either married or you're not. So what do you do when one person wants to get married but the other doesn't? Let's assume for the sake of this conversation that both members of the couple are in a committed relationship, and they genuinely want to spend the rest of their lives together -- just one doesn't want to make it official legally/in the eyes of God.
In the instance that two people share these differing views, they should sit down together and truly discuss what matters more: the view of marriage or the person they're with. If the person who wants to get married would be unhappy by staying with someone out of wedlock for the rest of their life, then perhaps this is a hurdle that is too tall for the couple to jump together. On the other hand, if the person who is against marriage as an institution finds that an SO is more important, that person could agree to be married for the sake of the SO.
In my personal opinion, I think that if you plan on being together forever, there is no harm in marrying. In fact, it gives you a chance to prove that marriages do work and maybe lower that divorce rate a little.
What do you think? Is it possible for two people with different views on marriage to continue a relationship? Have you been in the situation where one of you wanted to marry but the other one didn't? What were the reasons? How did the relationship work out?
Friday, January 4, 2008
Couples who can't agree on marriage
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3 comments:
I think that it depends on the age of the couple.
If this is a couple in their early 20s just figuring out what they want in life, I don't think it's unreasonable for someone to be ambivalent about marriage; therefore, it's not unreasonable for the couple to stay together for a few months or even years to sift through what they really want or need.
However, if you're dating someone in his or her late 20s or early 30s, and they are adamantly against the idea of marriage and you are all for it, then I don't think you should stick around.
You'll never be happy if you're constantly missing what you really want - a long-term commitment.
My husband and I "dated" for 7 years before we finally got married. He always said that he never wanted to get married. I decided that being with him was what I really wanted, whether we were married or not, so I accepted that. He finally decided that maybe he did want to get married after all, so we did it.
I definitely would advise against waiting around in hopes that he change his mind, though. If getting married is really that important to her, she definitely needs to sit down with him and spell it out. If he is firm about not getting married, then she should probably move on.
I'm with someone who says he doesn't want to get married...right now. I don't know when he will want to get married, and I am really not too concerned. I love him and being with him, and in the end, I think that is what matters. (Although the questions of when are we getting married are getting a little annoying!!)
But I agree with Sarah - if that isn't enough, you have to walk away...He or She may not be the one if they have different views on marriage!
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