Having survived a quarter of a century on this Earth, I can admit that my curiosities have gotten the best of me in a relationship and led to a snooping spree. I mean cell phone records and e-mail as well as looking through texts.
Since this is a public domain, I will not put forth my secrets because they may be needed for future. But playing private eye in a relationship, especially in these times of MySpace and Facebook, is something many Web sites indicate that most women, and some men, do.
The only thing about snooping is you are almost never prepared for what you find. You may find that an ex-SO is still around. You may find that they are on the prowl for the next SO. You could find that while you think you are exclusive, you are only one of many. Heck, you may find they want or have another SO of the same gender. And usually,the big shocker is when you find nothing and either feel bad because your actions were unmerited or your SO is just that good at hiding their dirt.
And of course, if you feel the need to snoop, it may show there's at least a small lack of trust in your relationship. The act of snooping itself sometimes speaks more volumes than the uncovered information..
Have you ever snooped around when it comes to your SO? How did you do it and what did you find? How did you react?
Friday, January 11, 2008
Playing private eye in your relationship
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11 comments:
Wow. This is the sort of behavior that absolutely destroys any hope of trust in a relationship.
If I caught you snooping through my personal information, I'd break up with you on the spot. You have no right to do that. How would you feel if someone was snooping through your bills, e-mails, etc.?
You need to re-evaluate your approach to dating. If you have had to devise all these psycho snooping plans, you are making a habit of dating the wrong guys.
Hey first anon. What do you have to hide?
And to Raven, I'll admit that I've done a little snooping, but is this an approach that you use with all guys? And how would you feel if someone did that to you?
Wow, to the first poster. I agree that it's a sad situation when you can't trust someone to the point where you are led to snooping, but seriously, in this day and age where people feel like relationships are like panties on a european trip (that you end up throwing away to save space in your bag on the way back home) it's not so far-fetched to play private eye.
I say if a significant other is acting suspicious, it doesn't hurt you to do a little investigatve work, followed up with an honest discussion about your concerns.
You obviously never saw the television show Cheaters.
I think if you trust someone fully you tend NOT to overly snoop. I think there it's human to be curious about what your SO is doing without you it has nothing to do with trust.
For example your SO in chatting online you walk by and glance to see who they are chatting with. It's not snooping- it's curiosity.
Or when you go to post a cute message on your SOs Myspace page, of course you're going to read what others posted.
I think a tiny bit of snooping is fine- when you are following them in your car with the lights out- that's a problem.
I've totally snooped, and some of it has come from a lack of trust. The biggest thing to understand is that you really might find something you don't want to, and you have to prepare for that.
If you find that unsavory item, you either have to keep it to yourself (or come clean about the snooping) or get ready for all the consequences (him/her being super angry about what you did).
Amen to the first Anon.
If you distrust someone so much that you have to snoop, you shouldn't be with them. Good relationships are based on trust.
What you're talking about is just wrong. So wrong.
The last anon and anon one are living in some sort of fantasy world where everyone is trustworthy.
But back to the actual questions asked in the blog. Yes I have snooped on my girlfriend. She had not signed out of MySpace and I read that she was getting messages indicating she had been meeting up with an ex who supposedly dogged her. Yeah, she was p.o.'ed that I found out, but hell, where there is smoke, there is usually fire. I broke up with her immediately.
To the first anon and last anon, I'm glad you found some people worth trusting in this world. Trust me, the rest of us aren't so lucky.
Anon 6 here again - NOT living in a fantasy world. I know everyone is not trustworthy! Just saying that if you have so little trust in someone that you feel like you have to spy on yoour SO, maybe you shouldn't be with them. Find somebody else so you don't have to spend your life being suspicious! That just seems like a miserable way to live.
I see this blog has gotten a lot of feedback. And I would like to clarify that I never looked at cell phone bills, just through the call history. Ha ha!!
But to the second anon, it is an approach that I prefer not to use with any guy. I only used it with a guy with whom I had been with for years who was acting strange. Like that last anon, where there is smoke, there usually is fire.
As for how I would feel if someone did that to me, I really feel I don't have anything to hide. I've had a guy inquire about information he got from something he saw and I answered honestly.
I'll admit that it put me off a little, but I can't say if I saw the same thing I wouldn't have asked. But you have to remember, my career is dedicated to snooping and open honesty. ;)
um i think that if u go looking for stuff u'll find something. and that something is usually alot worse than what you were expecting. however sometimes you may feel the need to snoop & if thats the case snoop but be prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions
I say keep your eyes wide shut. I snooped on my husband of 12 years and through his phone bills I found out he had been having an affair for almost 2 years. In any relationship, I do not feel trust is something that should be automatically given, but earned.
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