Here's the scenario: You've been nice to a guy. Whether it's by saying hi to him whenever you see him or just hanging out with him, you've shown this guy you're a good person.
Then, maybe you have dinner with him or you're hanging at his place and all of a sudden, he is trying to make a move on you. He is under the impression that the two of you were going to have sex.
Mind you, this problem has been around since sex has been around. And the funny thing is no matter how many times it happens, it catches the woman off guard in many instances.
Sometimes, it's a wonder if sometimes we set ourselves up unknowingly. I've known women who have offered guys a place to crash or even traveled to see a male friend, only to learn they were expected to engage in intercourse. Other times, I think we may have been totally blind the entire time or better yet, just ignored it.
Now, a woman never owes a man sex (nor does a man ever owe a woman sex). I don't care if he or she is doing everything for you under the sun. That act is called prostitution.
Have you ever been in a situation where a guy presumed you were going to have sex? How did you handle the situation? Do you feel there are ways to avoid being placed in such a predicament?
Monday, December 17, 2007
You actually thought we were going to do something?
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5 comments:
PROOFREAD!
Guys being guys, often they misread signals. What a guy takes as a "green light" might be meant as nothing more than flirting. Others know darn well the woman isn't looking for an encounter but they're determined to proceed.
What should the woman do? Be very clear upfront that sex is not a part of the deal. If that is all the guy is looking for, he'll go away. If he is truly decent, he'll thank her for her kindness and hopefully return the favor someday.
Guys should not assume sex is on the menu, but women should not assume it isn't. Now, when you're just hanging out with someone, that's one thing. But if you are traveling to another city to see a guy, or accompanying him on a trip, the question of expectation should occur to you beforehand. I once got invited to Niagra Falls for a major holiday with a guy. I accepted AFTER telling him there would be no sex, and if that was part of the deal then I would have to gratefully decline. He said that was fine, and I went, but it was still awkward and I don't think I'd make the same decision again. Basically, as a woman you can usually get a vibe on the guy's intentions unless you are being willfully blind. If the vibe is sexual tension, then you can't act shocked if it blows up on you after you failed to deal with it in controlled conditions (not unlike a bomb). And if you really DON'T know his intent, don't be too embarassed to ask! It's not half as awkward as if you end up in a messy misunderstanding later.
You can't blame a guy for trying, or for asking, as long as he behaves decently and takes "no" for an answer once it is given. You don't ask, you don't find out.
And guys being guys, they'll almost always hope for sex -- and let's face it, wouldn't you be a little insulted if he was totally uninterested?
And by the way....
""""What a guy takes as a "green light" might be meant as nothing more than flirting."""
...what's the point of flirting if it's not an invitation to greater intimacy?
If you're "flirting" and surprised that guys take it to the next step, you might want to review your signals and your playbook.
"...what's the point of flirting if it's not an invitation to greater intimacy?"
Exactly. And it's the same for both sexes.
If you're not interested in having sex, don't flirt. That only leads to confusion, hurt feelings, embarrassment...
I think a lot of people give "wrong" signals all the time. And let's face it, nowadays everybody tries to make out and/or have sex as soon as there's a little complicity with a friend of the opposite sex.
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