Single and home for the holidays

Are you dating anyone? Is it serious? When are you going to get married? When are you going to start popping out some children?

If you're single and in your mid-20s, you may hear these questions when you return home for the holidays. And if you have a married cousin or sister with children around your age, it only exacerbates the fact that you are alone and childless.

However, because many of us know this is coming, it gives us a chance to be prepared.

As many of my friends can attest, I am a fairly sarcastic person. I use that tool to my advantage during the holidays. (Mind you, my family has become increasingly tolerant of this over the years.) So whenever a relative asks me any of the dreary questions, my retorts have included such rants as "Well between all the traveling and focusing on my career, I just don't have the time. So, how's it going with your daughter and her three kids, who still doesn't have a job nor has moved out of your house?" It may seem trite, but it puts things in perspective.

Oh and I've learned that when it comes to the question of having babies, telling a grandmother or a great aunt "give me 20 minutes, a decent-looking guy and some space to ourselves and I can make that happen" will usually give you a full year without the topic being mentioned again.

If you're single, how do you handle dealing with these questions on an annual basis? Have you tried different tactics and which one worked best for you?

P.S.: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all our loyal readers. For those who so lovingly comment on our posts, we will return Jan. 2 with new blogs.

Can I buy you a drink?

A fairly common dating ritual is for a man to offer to buy a woman a drink when they're out at a bar.

For men, it can serve as an ice breaker to open up conversation with a lady, and for women, the gesture can let them know which men might be into them that night.

All too often, though, I think this leads to one person taking advantage of the other one. I have been in several situations in which women have accepted multiple drinks from guys and chatted them up even though they had no interest in the man whatsoever. They just wanted the free drinks. Then, at the end of the night, or when they got tired of the guy, they split, leaving the guy with nothing more than a lighter wallet.

Other ladies expect a men to buy them drinks and won't even consider them if they don't.

Occasionally, a man may try to take advantage of a woman as well, possibly by slipping something in her drink or by convincing her that she owes him something for the free drinks.

It's enough to make me want to avoid the whole drink thing altogether.

Ladies: Do you expect men to buy you drinks? What does it say to you about a man who offers (or does not offer a drink)? Have you ever chatted up a guy, even though you weren't interested, just so he would buy you a drink?

Men: Do you feel you have to buy women drinks to get their interest? Do you offer drinks to women, no strings attached, or do you usually expect something in return?

Power moves in a power couple

As usual, I was having a conversation with a friend when we started discussing being a part of a power couple.

What brought this topic up? Seeing Hilary Clinton on television once again. We've seen a lot of Hilary, but not a lot of Bill. My friend spoke of how, though both were successful, every time one stood directly in front of the spotlight, the other took a step back.



Now, maybe both parties in a couple aspiring to presidency is a stretch for most of us. However, there are couples out there where both people are at the top of their game in every aspect including careers. He may be a CEO while she may be a booming entrepreneur.

Of course, we all wants someone who is equally yoked. However, the character it usually takes to become a major player in society is quite different from what it usually takes to have a successful relationship. Bringing the "take it all" mentality to the home where "giving of yourself" is vital can cause damage between significant others.

In a relationship where both people are very successful, what is the best way to balance each other's successes?

Interfaith couples and the holidays

On a day-to-day basis, differences in religion usually do not pose a problem. But the holidays can be an interesting time for an interfaith couple.

Say, for instance, your boyfriend is Jewish and you're Christian. Then, do you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, both or neither? Or perhaps you may choose to celebrate a holiday all of your own. My interfaith friends and I are celebrating Chrismakkah this year.

Once you decide how to celebrate as a couple, then you have to decide if you and your significant other are going to celebrate with each other's families. Will each of your families accept the other person, and perhaps more important, will your SO accept the traditions of your family?

Celebrating two holidays may seem like a no-brainer, but it can cause a couple stress if one person begins to resent the other person's religion. This would be especially evident during the holidays, which display the differences in religions more so than at any other time. It could be a sign that the person can't accept that an SO has a different faith.

Have you ever dated/are you dating someone of a different religion? How did you handle the holidays? Did it cause any problems in your relationship? What did your family/you SO's family think? Did it matter?

You actually thought we were going to do something?

Here's the scenario: You've been nice to a guy. Whether it's by saying hi to him whenever you see him or just hanging out with him, you've shown this guy you're a good person.

Then, maybe you have dinner with him or you're hanging at his place and all of a sudden, he is trying to make a move on you. He is under the impression that the two of you were going to have sex.

Mind you, this problem has been around since sex has been around. And the funny thing is no matter how many times it happens, it catches the woman off guard in many instances.

Sometimes, it's a wonder if sometimes we set ourselves up unknowingly. I've known women who have offered guys a place to crash or even traveled to see a male friend, only to learn they were expected to engage in intercourse. Other times, I think we may have been totally blind the entire time or better yet, just ignored it.

Now, a woman never owes a man sex (nor does a man ever owe a woman sex). I don't care if he or she is doing everything for you under the sun. That act is called prostitution.

Have you ever been in a situation where a guy presumed you were going to have sex? How did you handle the situation? Do you feel there are ways to avoid being placed in such a predicament?

Jessica Alba, single moms and marriage

Oh, Jessica Alba.

It was revealed earlier this week that one of the hottest ladies of 2007 is expecting a baby come late spring, early summer. As a result, Alba has added her name to a growing list of celebrities who are becoming pregnant or having children without getting married. Other single celebs include Nicole Richie, Halle Berry and, perhaps the most infamous, Angelina Jolie.

Yesterday, CBS's Early Show discussed whether celebrities were leading, or possibly encouraging, a nationwide trend to have children before marriage. Apparently, in 2006, the U.S. reached a record number of unwed, single mothers. The show's guest expert said celebrities were glamorizing what it's actually like having a baby. Average people, like you and me, need to realize that having a child while single is much more difficult than if we were married. Celebrities have a wide range of resources at their disposal, such as money, nannies and personal trainers for support, whereas we might rely on meager middle class wages to help us get by.

A simple fact is that for the average person, the traditional family structure: two committed adults pooling their physical and emotional resources for the betterment of themselves and children works. That's why it has persisted for this long. Are celebrity pregnancies out of wedlock trying to teach us otherwise?

Do you think that the glamorizing of pregnancy and motherhood is causing the erosion of the traditional familial model: start dating, get married, have kids? Does it matter to you whether you get married or have kids first?

Why are you calling me?

One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is receiving Christmas cards from loved ones, especially the ones filled with all types of news. This is also the time of year when you receive calls from friends and family you may not have spoken to all year.

However, the holiday season also brings the chance for the random (or not-so-random) ex to contact you.

Depending on what terms you ended, this could be a time to just say "Hey, glad you're doing well" or "Didn't I tell you to lose my number/address?"

While some are in a place where they can express the former, I know many more who can express the latter.

When it comes to an ex, once you're over them, it's something that you prefer to keep where it belongs- in the past. When they call or send letters, it can cause all kinds of emotions to resurface, good or bad.

And then it makes you wonder about the purpose behind their call. Is it purely to be nice? Are they just trying to make sure that they're somewhere in your thoughts?

Have you ever contacted or been contacted by an ex over the holidays? If they contacted you, how did you feel? If you initiated the contact, why did you do it? Do you believe an ex can call you with purely genuine motives?

Holiday dating

Dating can go two ways over the holidays:

1. Very good. You're going to lots of parties, meeting new and interesting people, being friendly and chatting up (available!) cute guys and girls.

2. Very bad. You're going to family get togethers where well-meaning relatives try to set you up with friends of friends, who you're not even sure aren't your distant cousins.

Given the hit-or-miss aspect of holiday dating, some people might just forgo dating around this time in general. But, really, it's in your best interest to grin and bear it through family set ups and make the most of the holiday parties and other friendly get-togethers. Parties offer the potential to meet new people in a fun environment, and there are more parties around Christmas, I think, than any other season. (Just take it easy on the egg nog. You don't want to end up going home with the strange guy wearing goofy reindeer antlers.)

Holidays put you at your peak for meeting new people, whether it's someone who works in the depths of your office building or your best friend's brother's friend.

Are you taking advantage of dating opportunities during the holidays? What is your holiday dating game plan? Or would you rather just stay inside and wait for the New Year?

When to let your hair down or keep it up...

Every relationship has important milestones such as the first time you kiss, the first time you go out on a date, the first time you....... you catch my drift.

Somewhere along the way, you may reach that milestone of a guy staying over for the first time which turns into a second time, then a third and so on.

But when does he find out that you wear a headscarf or rollers to bed to achieve the look that he so appreciates?

In the beginning, you may find ways to fake it such as just waking up early to fight with the hair products or opting for cop-out remedies like hair clips or ponytail holders.

But eventually, if he's staying over all the time, he's going to have to see that achieving that Pantene Pro-V commercial hair is not so easy.

I say after you have been intimate with a person, it should just be whenever you feel comfortable. A lot of times this milestone passes without much acknowledgement or thought. Yet, speaking to some of my female friends, apprehension can lead up to this point because you know he's going to find out you don't wake up perfect everyday.

So when do you believe it's time to start pulling out the headscarves, rollers in a relationship? What factors play a role?

How do you celebrate anniversaries?

Tomorrow my boyfriend and I will celebrate our one-year anniversary of being together. This is very exciting for me because I have never reached this milestone with anyone before.

So far, we really don't have any big plans. I thought I could cook something nice for dinner, and he came up with the idea of watching the movie we watched on our first date (A Life Less Ordinary). This is not only cute, but a good thing because I hardly remember anything about the movie because I was so nervous and distracted.

Of course, there is really no right or wrong way to celebrate a significant event or milestone. We could have just as easily made reservations at a nice restaurant but opted to stay in instead.

What are some ways you have celebrated anniversaries with your significant other? Do you prefer staying in or going out? Do you have any extremely touching moments to share? What about horror stories?

A right-ringed woman

In recent years, a new phenomenon has popped up- women who are willing to purchase a diamond ring for their right hand.

While some women are ogling over the various "buy her a ring" commercials that crop up this time of year, others are taking matters into their own hands.

The right hand ring is being touted as a show of independence and love for one's self.

Like an engagement ring, it comes with diamonds and a woman can design it herself. Proponents on various blogs and message boards have stated how it's empowering to purchase your own ring and get exactly what you want.

However, opponents have come out stating that it takes the symbolism away from the engagement ring. They also state that it may put less pressure on a significant other to purchase an engagement ring.


I say if you want to buy yourself a ring and you have the money to do it, then by all means, purchase one. Yes, it is often viewed as a symbol of a union when it's an engagement. However, the ring is not the destination or the goal. Life-time committment and all that comes with it is the goal.

What do you think of women purchasing diamond rings and wearing them on their right hands? Do you think it will affect their chances for marriage in the future?

Once burned, twice shy

There's an old cliche that applies to life in general as well as dating: Once burned, twice shy. Simply put, if we're hurt once, we'll be twice as suspicious about being hurt again.

This means that we could be unconsciously blaming our dates or partners for things they didn't do or even have control over. For instance, if a woman's ex cheated on her, she'll probably be suspicious of new men cheating on her. She may act paranoid or even accuse a man of cheating on her when he tells her he has to work late, even when that's the truth.

Similarly, a man who has dated a woman who wanted him only for his money, may worry that new partners want only the same. He may be resentful if the woman doesn't offer to pay, even if it's not her intention to take him for everything he's got.

Have you ever been a victim of this cliche? Have you been accused of doing something just because your date had a similar bad experience in the past? Have you ever accused dates of doing things that had happened to you in the past?

Too busy for romance?

No one wants to date a completely boring person. (At least I don't think so.)

That being said, it can also be difficult to date a person who is super-involved. I'm talking about dating the person who may be working, in school and is a member of several organizations. When you put two people like that together, the time for dining and dating appears to be even less.

But it can work. It just takes sometimes saying yes to romance and no to other things. (Please note that I said sometimes. You don't have to blow everything off to be in a relationship.)

Doing that may mean not volunteering for every committee. It could also mean not serving on every board at your church. Now, blowing off school and work is highly unadvisable, but you can modify those things which are purely an option and not a necessity in your life.

There's also outright compromise. That's when you invite the other person to engage in some of your activities and vice versa.

Have you ever dated a person who was extremely busy or are you one of those people yourself? How do you handle dating in that situation?

Dating, relating in a wired world

Hardly anyone can deny the importance technology plays in our lives. We're wired at all times, whether it be to the computer, cell phone or Blackberry. As a result, technology has an effect on our love lives as well.

Aside from the most obvious effect that technology opens up our dating pool to anyone we can reach via computer, it also impacts our daily dating and relating lives. Couples send short love letters via text message instead of pen and paper. Doting men and women flirt with each other by making suggestive posts on their object of affection's MySpace and Facebook pages. Cell phones allow couples to reach each other at all times of the day, whether it is just to say, "I love you," or chew out a partner for leaving dirty dishes in the sink — again.

As with anything regarding technology, there are pros and cons. On the plus side, we're so interconnected it can build a bond stronger. On the minus side, text messages can't be saved forever like a good old fashioned love letter.

How do you use technology in your love life? Do you think technology helps or hurts our dates and relationships?

Buying for your tap-dancing partner

Christmas season is here once again and you've made your list of people to commit a significant portion of your paycheck to.

In a perfect world, you would have a clearly defined relationship with all these people, particularly those of interest. However, in the real world, you may be in a gray area.

You and your person of interest may be "tap-dancing" around how to further develop your relationship, whatever it may be. In some cases, feelings may have been expressed. In others, maybe not so much.

All you know is that you're out shopping and you see something that would be perfect for that person. But then you have to ask yourself: Should I even give them something?

If you decide to answer in the affirmative, the next question is what and how much you should invest in it.

Since you're not in a relationship, you don't want to invest a whole lot. At the same time, since you are making the effort, you don't want to just give them any old thing.

No matter what, if you make the decision to get them something, you also have to be prepared for the fact that they may not have gotten anything for you.

Do you believe in purchasing gifts for people with whom you have no defined relationship? If so, how do you decide on the gift for the person?