Public makeouts revealed

Time for a show of hands. Who has made out in an inappropriate place? Hands down.

As much as many of us complain about massive public displays of affection, most of us have had some kind of fiesty fun in some not-so-private settings. There's a certain thrill that comes with stealing a kiss knowing that you might get caught. So just for today, set your PDA prejudices aside and consider the best public place you've ever gotten frisky.

Since I'm a play-it-safe-to-a-fault kind of girl, the most scandalous place I've ever made out was in an empty movie theatre. Of course, it's not as straight-laced as the answer one "Friends" character gave when asked the strangest place she ever had sex: the foot of the bed. (Sorry, I can't remember which one ... I thought it was Rachel, but she and Ross had sex in a museum, so that definitely qualifies as a public place.) But I know there are people out there who have done much worse in the woods, at work, in a stairwell ... the list goes on.

Confession time: where's the most public or strangest place you've ever made out? Did you get caught?

Backing out too late?

You're in the middle of planning your wedding. The dress has been picked out. The invitations have been sent. Every thing's on track.

Now, if only you could erase that feeling of foreboding in the feeling of your stomach (unless you're having a shotgun wedding, then you may want to push up the date).

You're thinking is it too late to say no. I say it's never too late to say no.

Last year, I had purchased a bridesmaid's dress and an airplane ticket to watch one of my closest friends marry the supposed love of her life.

I receive a phone call the month before the wedding saying it was called off. Was I surprised? Not really.

Oftentimes, when we're in relationships, we don't listen- to ourselves. You know that inner voice that everyone talks about. It's the one that says he's a cheater or I'm not into him like that or I really can't see being with him forever.

Yet, sometimes you see a ring and you're stuck in the moment- for months or even years. And all of a sudden, you wake up. And you realize that this may not be what you want.

It's a lot easier to break up with someone than it is to get a divorce. It's usually a lot less cheaper as well.

But hey, I plan to keep a getaway car at the wedding venue just in case.

Do you think it's ever too late to back out of getting married?

In games, there's always a winner and a loser

With all the dating advice books, columns and blogs out there, it's hard to imagine that anyone can get a date. Although most advice-givers mean well, for the most part, they promote playing games as a means to get into a relationship.

Does any of this sound familiar? A man has to wait three days before calling a woman. A woman cannot call a man. Be available, but not too available. Show interest, but don't be too interested. The list goes on.

As far as I'm concerned, all these rules of the game promote nothing more than a cat and mouse chase that ends in frustration and nights spent wondering, "Is he really interested in me?" In the end, cats and mice really never can live in harmony.

With my current boyfriend, I threw caution to the wind, and basically just came out and said, "I like you. Do you like me?" My thinking was this: I like this guy, and I think he likes me, but if he doesn't, I don't want to waste a week or a month trying to figure out if he likes me back. I'd rather know now, so if he doesn't, I can just start to get over it. Plus, I'm less emotionally attached right now because I haven't been analyzing feelings in my head for the last however many weeks.

Luckily for me, this worked. Sure, playing games can be exciting and emotionally charged, and in the past I even participated in them. But I guess at the ripe ole age of 23, I've just decided to spare myself the emotional roller coaster that playing games entail and seek out what (or who) I want.

What do you think about playing games? Do you think they're a necessary part of dating? If you play games, what are some key rules? What are some success stories? What about horror stories?

Your friend may be a victim of TMI

After the last blog I posted and a discussion with my friends about the "My friends know all about our sex life" comment, I felt the need to elaborate.

When it comes to that random rendezvous on Miami Beach during spring break, feel free to share. The chances of running into that person or even knowing who he or she is are slim, for you and your friends.

However, when it comes to sharing the intricate, intimate details of your bedroom with your significant other, I feel it's good to be limited for various reasons.

For one thing, there's probably a good chance your significant other and your friends will interact at some point. If your significant other has any shortcomings (especially if he's a guy), this can have a negative effect on these meetings. Your friend may be subjected to flashbacks of conversations involving such topic and may feel awkward. Firsthand experience has taught me that if alcohol is involved, the topic may even get blurted out at the most opportune time.

Secondly, if you speak too highly of your mate in that department, your single friends may experience a tinge of jealousy. Now, some single friends are nice enough to keep it to themselves. Others are more inclined to voice it or even gain firsthand knowledge of what you have been experiencing.

Finally, your mate may just plain hate it. They just be very private individuals.

Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't share. Everybody's situation is different and some things just lend themselves to a good story. I'm just saying do it with some discretion.

What do you think about sharing all the details of your sex life with your friends?

Dating someone with more problems than you

One piece of sage advice for dating and relationships: Don't get involved with someone who has more problems than you.

I can't remember where I heard or read that, but I think it has at least an ounce of credibility. I have one friend who always seems gets involved with guys who have more problems than her. They smoke pot, they're lazy and seem to have no driving ambition in life. Friends have speculated that she has "Florence Nightingale Syndrome," that is, she thinks she can help or save these guys from their own inevitable demise. Usually these guys just end up freeloading off her and they inevitably break up when she realizes what crappy boyfriends they are.

People can have other types of problems, too. They can have financial problems, health problems, past relationship problems (ie, crazy exes), cheating problems and the list goes on. And although I generally agree that you shouldn't get involved with someone with more problems than you, I can't help but feel there are some problems that may be forgiven.

For instance, what if you are dating the perfect man in virtually all aspects, but he is $20,000 in debt and has problems managing his money? What if you are dating the near perfect woman, but she has to have a restraining order against her ex husband? Both of these situations would cause extra stress on the relationship as well as your own personal life, but if you didn't accept them, you would not have this other wonderful person in your life as well.

Are there some problems that couples can cope with together? Or is it just sound advice to never get involved with anyone who has more problems than you? Should we just look for someone whose life is as equally messed up as our own?

Learn to keep some things to yourself

I've received several e-mails about this particular article http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18661795/ . The gist of it is there are six thoughts that should never be shared in a relationship.

Number one is "you don't turn me on right now." Number two is "I flirt with others at work." Number three is "that's not how my mom or dad would have done it." Number four is "I can't stand your friends.' Number five, which is one of my personal favorites, "I still think about my ex." Finally, we have "my friends know all about our sex life."

Who would fixate their mouths to say such things and how can they possibly maintain successful relationships? Life is not like "Sex and the City," so number six is ridiculous. On number three, the last person most people you date want be compared to is your parent. Number four usually doesn't even have to be said because that is usually hard to hide. Whoever says number two or number five is just basically stupid. As for number one, I hope whoever says that has a significant other with a clever comeback.

I also have a few more to add, if I may. Here is Raven's list of things you shouldn't say to your significant other. One: I've slept with X amount of people. Two: I've had better. Three: I really wouldn't mind hooking up with your sibling/parent. Four: You looked a lot better when we first met.

What do you think of the article's list? Are there any other statements you would like to add to the list?

Are we meant to mate for life?

Most animals are not monogamous creatures. They find a partner, mate, find another partner and mate again. Having multiple partners and offspring among multiple partners is natural for many of the animal kingdom. That leads me to the following question: Are humans, who belong to the animal kingdom, meant to be monogamous?

Let's examine the facts (keeping in mind that science is by far my worst subject). Both wild animals and humans find partners in order to reproduce and carry on the species. In some cases, the best way for a male to do this is to impregnate as many females as he can, even if that means leaving one for another.

Humans often value monogamy and intend to meet someone and stay with that person until death do they part. Many times, though, it doesn't always work out that way. The chances that a marriage will end in divorce is anywhere from 40 percent to 50 percent, depending on whose statistics you trust. It's true, too, that many people have multiple marriages, kids by multiple marriages, or multiple partners and no marriages at all.

Many of you probably are quick to point out that humans are much more advanced than, say, your average bear, and have the emotional and intellectual capacity to understand and be in a monogamous relationship. But dolphins, who many consider some of the smartest animals, do not mate for life either.

So you tell me: are human meant to be monogamous? If not, why do we often strive for monogamy? Is monogamy attainable, or is it our nature to wander?

We'll Get Back to You With A Decision

Dating is supposed to be fun, but sometimes it feels like applying for a new job.

Think about it. There's that initial contact, much like the initial conversation with an employer, which can take place at an event, a location or through referral. Sometimes, it takes place over the telephone

At this point, both people are assessing the level of interest, like when an employer sees how serious you are about the job. Unless you're completely intoxicated, you're pretty observant of the person, noticing everything from the person's style to their demeanor. The other person is watching you as well.

Again with the assessment of whether you want to take it further.

If you decide to do so, you go into the interview and resume phase, which in dating, is usually completed orally or through a Google search. Like a job, if you've had too many relationships (jobs) within short time frame, the interested party may question your commitment or promiscuity. If there are too few or none, the interested party may question your ability to maintain a relationship (a job).

The only difference often is that you usually don't have to take a drug test or any other test to see if you are up to the task. (However, I'm a big supporter of taking a full-blown STD test before entering an intimate relationship. That's just me.)

However, if all goes well, you move onto dating (employment). From there, it's just a series of promotions. With each promotion comes new responsibilities. You're constantly proving and improving yourself.


And then, hopefully, if you do it right, you'll eventually get promoted again and again. If something goes wrong, it goes into memory (on file). If it adds up, your relationship may end (you get fired.)

Yes, this is a logical way to look at it, and of course romance is thrown in somewhere along the way. However, like any job, relationships take work.

Am I alone in this?

Love sick

Men can be pretty needy when they get a cold. When one of my ex-boyfriends got sick, he went from being a self-sufficient man to a needy little boy. He had a fever, he didn't feel good and didn't understand why I didn't want to spend the night with someone who could rub his germs off on me. I have a nervous system to protect, too!

This ex wanted me to forgo going out with my friends because he couldn't go out too. I was supposed to stay home and keep him company. Now, if I had been sick, I wouldn't expect anyone to stay home with me. I can pop a movie in, take some NyQuil and be content. It's not like I was being a bad girlfriend. I brought him chicken soup and ibuprofen and made sure he got to the doctor. I just don't feel that because one person in a couple is sick, the other person has to be at his (or her) beck and call.

Apparently other people do not feel the same way. When I told a friend who was in a long-term relationship that I went out while he stayed home, she said something to the effect of, "Awwww, you left him all by himself!"

Is there some standard of taking care of a sick significant other that I'm not aware of? How do you deal with a boyfriend or girlfriend is sick?

Serial monogamy: Why do it?

I'm all for monogamy. The practice often leads to less drama and less STD-transmissions in relationships.

However, I am often wary of people, particularly my age, who have been engaged a few times, yet have not been married. I know of at least two such people, one who has been engaged three times and one who has been engaged four times. One is a guy and one is a girl.

My question to them is: Is this some type of sport or competition I'm not aware of?

It's one thing to have been in one relationship where you got engaged and it all went downhill. However, having several may be signs of something awry.

But I notice a few common traits with both of these people. They're never single for more than two months tops. Every person that they get with is a potential husband or wife. They tend to move in with their significant others after only a few months or a few weeks. Once that happens, they're thinking about the next step. They often say things like "I could see myself marrying her/him one day."

If I'm feeling all this pressure and I'm not even in the relationship, I can only imagine how this comes across to their significant others.

And yet, I question how seriously they take monogamous relationships. Any relationship should not be entered into lightly.

Therefore, I wonder if these people do it just to avoid being alone.

My question to you is what do you think of people who get engaged frequently, but never seem to follow through? Are you one of these people? If so, why get engaged so frequently?

A "couple" of problems

A recent letter indicates that I have been invited to the wedding of two of my friends (no big surprise there). However, I had been under the assumption the invitation would say something about an additional guest being invited as well. That guest, of course, being my boyfriend.

I was e-mailing an out-of-state friend this morning about the situation, and it turns out she is in the same boat, plus her boyfriend already is coming to town to visit with her parents. (Since my boyfriend and I already live in the same state as the wedding, this is not as much a big deal for us.) We both understand that if another guest is invited, it usually is indicated on the invitation, but my friend thought maybe the couple wasn't up-to-date on our dating statuses, hence, no extra line for an invite. She said her boyfriend recently encountered the same problem with one of his friends who didn't know he was seeing someone, and after a quick phone call, a guest was added without a problem.

Of course, there always is the possibility the omission was intentional simply because the couple wants to have a small wedding or save money or for any other number of reasons. (I have no knowledge of wedding plans, so everything I say is pure speculation.) I would not want to make the situation awkward by inquiring about a guest if that would put an undue hardship on the couple because after all, it is their day.

Does anyone out there know the proper etiquette to follow for a situation like this? When it comes to making plans -- be it a wedding, a party or a reunion -- is it usually a given that if someone is in a relationship you should to invite both people?

Diamond vs. Cubic Zirconia and everything in between

I will just say this up front. I'm not a jewelry person. Never have been. Nevertheless, most of my friends are.

So as we all embark on hitting that 25 mark, I'm beginning to hear such statements as "it must be white gold with a one-carat, princess cut diamond" or "I'm not saying yes to anything worth less than three carats." Of course, they are talking about engagement rings.

Mind you, some of these statements are coming from single women who can barely keep a significant other for more than two months. Some of the other women do have boyfriends, but those guys are barely staying afloat with their regular monthly bills.

So I decided to ask this inane question: "What would you do if it wasn't a real diamond but a cubic zirconia?"

Without including all the profanities hurled my way, I'll just say the answers were all in the negative.

I don't see the big deal. I once dated a guy who would purchase me expensive jewelry at any given moment. And by all accounts, it was nice jewelry and some of it included diamonds. Mind you, this guy also did many things to hurt me and sometimes the jewelry arrived to symbolize an apology.

And then I look at my grandmother. She never had an engagement ring or a wedding ring because my grandfather just didn't have the money. What she did have was 30 years of marriage to a man who was a good husband and a good father.

Now, I know some women with huge diamond rings who barely survived two years of marriage before divorce entered the picture.

So give me a good, hard- workingman with a cubic zirconia any day over one who is not with a three-carat diamond any day.

So how important is the content, size and shape of an engagement ring to you? Would you let it act as a measure of your relationship?

Women's actions can intimidate men

After a whirlwind weekend of visiting with my best college friends, I feel like I still need another day off. One of my friends just graduated, and we all got together (most boyfriends included) to celebrate her accomplishments.

As is typical when the six of us girls get together, we talk all at once, sit on each other and are generally loud and obnoxious. The boys were great sports, though, and simply took turns playing Nintendo on the computer while we rehashed the last year of our lives.

Throughout college, the girls had always joked that as a group, we scared guys. This probably was more a fact than a joke, though. We had the ability to talk over each other, yet remain completely on track in the conversation, and it was always possible we'd dissolve in a fit of giggles at the slightest mention of some inside joke. The unfortunate guy who was present usually remained silent, somewhat excluded from the conversation going on around him.

Many women don't realize that large groups of them can intimidate guys. Consequently, when we go out to pick up men, we're unintentionally thwarting our actions because we're around our female friends all of the time. For the most part, a guy doesn't want to approach a woman who is surrounded by five others because if she turns him down, he faces five-times the rejection. The same goes for speaking up in a conversation dominated by women. It's basic math. A solution to this is going out in smaller groups or even (gasp!) alone. Also, try to introduce a new guy to the group one-by-one, so he doesn't feel overwhelmed.

Women and men: Do you agree that men can be intimidated if women hang out in large groups? What can women do about this? Men, have you ever been the lone man in the situation? What was that like? How would you like to be included in the conversation?

On a side note, for those of you paying attention, you'll see a new contributor to Macon Love starting tomorrow. "Raven" will be filling in for Roxy while she is away on leave. I have read some of Raven's personal blogs, and I know she'll bring a unique perspective to Macon Love. Welcome her with open arms.

Wedding bells tip the paycheck scales

I feel like I've been on wedding overload recently. It seems like everyone and their brother (except for me) is getting married sometime in the near future, and I've come to realize all these weddings sure do put an extra strain on a tight budget. I love my friends and family, but there sure are a lot of expenses even for guests at a wedding. There are showers and parties, gift registries and travel expenses, not to mention trying to find a dress that matches the "elegant, casual" dress code. Seriously. What does that mean?

This morning I decided to reflect on all the weddings I've been to and will go to in the near future, and I just realized how many of them there actually were.

Wedding No. 1: I was about five years old and bestowed with the honor of being the flower girl. I had a peach-colored dress and practiced throwing the flowers down the aisle before the main event. I don't remember much else about it, but I know I thought throwing those flower petals on the ground was pretty cool. Cost: Nothing. I was too young to have any money.

Wedding No. 2: My first wedding where I didn't have to sit at the kid table. My cousin married a Catholic Filipino woman, and they participated in traditions I had never heard of before. The wedding was small but classy and nice. Cost: New dress and gift. My parents covered my airfare.

Wedding No. 3: Two of my college friends tied the knot in their mountain hometown. It was a Baptist wedding, and there was a strict no alcohol rule at the reception. During the bride and groom's dance, the speakers went out, but the rest of us sang the end of the song (Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing") for them. Cute. Cost: Gift and driving expenses to the north Georgia mountains. I recycled my dress from wedding No. 2.

Wedding Nos. 4, 5 and 6: Two college friends, a cousin and a high school friend are all getting married this summer. My high school friend is getting married on my birthday, which happens to fall on a Saturday this year. Guess I'll have to wait another seven years for that to happen again. Costs: So far two bridal shower gifts and driving expenses to the showers. More to come.

Wedding No. 7: Another cousin just announced he's getting married next summer. Costs: I better start saving for airfare now.

I'm sure I'll have many more weddings to attend in the future. Especially considering none of my five best college friends have tied the knot yet. For those who have been through the years of attending weddings, I ask you this: How do you have a good time and participate in all the wedding festivities while still maintaining a balanced budget?

Cheap, sweet date

Ever since last month when my boyfriend had a gig near a strawberry farm in Reynolds I wanted to pick strawberries. We were supposed to head back to Reynolds for the Strawberry Festival at the end of April and stop and pick them then, but he ended up having to work and I went to the festival with a co-worker instead.

Well, Saturday finally was my chance to make good on my strawberry picking needs. My boyfriend and I headed out to Elliott Farm in Lizella on our own strawberry picking adventure. The weather was overcast, but the clouds were parting quickly and the weather was heating up. We were given a white bucket, and with a few quick instructions (go deep and look through the brush) we were on our way.

We looked for bright red ones and big ones. It became a contest to see who could find the best strawberry. I could hardly wait until we paid for our strawberries to see if they were as sweet as they seemed (they were). When we finished, we paid about $4 for our collection ($1.85/pound) and then $2 for a cup of homemade strawberry ice cream (very yummy!) to share. Before leaving, we wandered around the farm, looking at the goats, peacocks, roosters, horses and other assorted animals. All in all, it may have been the cheapest date ever, adding up to a whopping $6.

Strawberry season is set to last through June, so if you're looking for a fun, cheap date or even something to do with friends, you definitely should consider picking strawberries. A list of "pick your own (fill in various fruits and vegetables) farms" can be found here. What are some other fun, cheap dates available in Middle Georgia?

Liar, liar, pants on fire

While I was working out yesterday I watched part of the MTV show "Exposed," one of many trashy dating shows on the station.

If you're not familiar with the show, here's how it works: a young person, generally someone quite full of himself or herself, goes on a date with two potential mates. The dater asks the two potential mates a series of questions to gauge how compatible they would be as a couple. Here's the catch: the dater has a friend hidden in a van away from the date, and the friend is watching the whole date transpire while using voice analysis software to determine if anyone's lying. The friend then tells the dater who is lying through an ear piece the dater is wearing.

Presumably, the two potential mates have no idea that their lies are being busted. Yesterday, one guy confessed he lied about how many people he had slept with and another guy was caught lying about still having feelings for his ex. In the past, a woman was caught lying about how she didn't like to go shopping.

Although MTV has a disclaimer that the voice analysis software is non-scientific, it still brings up a good question: how much will we lie to get ahead on a date?

Not all lies are equal. Some little white lies, such as saying you like Chinese food although you really don't, rank pretty low in importance. Other lies, such as saying you're divorced when you're really still married, should not be tolerated.

To get ahead in the dating game, perhaps to some extent, lying is necessary. Is it really important to tell your date that you still have feelings for your ex if you're genuinely trying to move on? Is it really important to tell your date, a baseball fanatic, that you don't like the game? But on the other hand, a relationship shouldn't be started based on a foundation of false truths.

What do you think? Is lying OK on a date? Are some lies OK and based on some sort of sliding scale? What was the worst lie you told on a date? What was the worst lie told to you?

"Couple friends"

I was watching a re-run of a sitcom last night, and the main topic was how the main characters (a married couple) had lost their "couple" friends, and were trying to find new "couple friends" to hang out with. Funny, ridiculous and in a way, semi-true of what happens when you find yourself in a relationship.

Sure, you still have your friends, and your significant other also has his friends....but after your relationship becomes steady, you find yourself saying things like, "Hey, we should all (as in me and my BF and you and your BF) have dinner sometime," or "Maybe we should ask (your friend and his significant other) to go to that show together." Suddenly, "we" isn't just you and your significant other, it's you two and your "couple friends."

It's like this little fraternity for couples only. Sure, single friends can tag along, but everyone has been in that position, and being the seventh person with three couples isn't always the most fun. I remember thinking going out with one of my college roommates and her BF would be fun....and each time, it wasn't all that great. And mainly because they were all over each other the entire time. Which is probably one of the reasons that when you are in a couple, you seek out other people who are also in a couple and whose company you enjoy.

Of course, the problem with this is that it gets a little tricky if your couples friends break up. What do you do then? Who do you become friends with? How do you avoid being in middle? I think the best option for that is to stay out of it, and be friends with both....while hanging out with your other couples friends on the side! : ) I think my BF and I have a good mix. We have our couple friends and we have our singles friends., and for the most part, luckily, our friends all hangout in a big, couples-be-damned way.

Have you found it to be true, though, that when you are in a couple, does most of your social time include hanging out with couples or single friends? And how do you include your single friends in the mix?

I wanna be like you

After dating someone for awhile, it's almost inevitable that you'll adopt some of their habits, some big and some small. It's sort of like a northerner moving South and unintentionally picking up a southern accent.

For instance, one of my friends adopted her boyfriend's penchance to answer affirmative statements with this unusual pronunciation of the word "absolutely." (Think AB-solutely.) It's cute, and for awhile, a few of her friends (including myself) started saying it, too.

But sometimes significant others can become too much like each other, either because they're trying to please each other or because they're too attached at the hip. In some cases, the people lose their sense of individuality, and what once was cute simply becomes annoying.

In any relationship, it's important to remember your own interests and quirks, and not necessarily adopt all of your significant other's. It's one thing for some habits to rub off on you. It's another thing to intentionally change yours because of another person (like changing your style so that your preppy matches his punk).

Have a significant other's habits ever rubbed off on you? Or have yours rubbed off on them? What habits were they? Have any of your friends annoyed you by acting too much like their significant other?

Commitment-phobes

A dear friend of mine is afraid of commitment. Not entirely uncommon because many people have a hard time making the transition from single to relationship, but this person is extra special when it comes to relationships. Predictable, even. My friend will meet someone that is truly interesting, they may have a bond and it will go well for say, three months.

Seriously, a clock needs to be started because it's all of three months. And then when it apears that the relationship may be headed for something serious, my friend is out the door. No real reasons, except, perhaps the "clingy" excuse or the "moving at different speeds" excuse. Nothing that can't really be cured with a good sitdown talk and coming to some understanding.

But instead of having a talk about slowing the relationship down or perhaps explaining why my friend gets to feeling that way, the relationship just ends. Clean and simple...no problems, really. Except for the other person who is wondering what exactly just happened and why? With no talk, there are no answers.

There's no real explanation for the commitment-phobe, except, of course, that this person got incredibly hurt in the past and is now excessively cautious. But aren't we set up to get hurt and bounce back and try again? Isn't that what this whole relationship deal is all about? I am always confused as to why someone who hates commitment than repeatedly tried to find a significant other...if you don't want to get serious with someone, why date in the first place? It's just one big confusing drama — want to have companionship, but not a relationship. One doesn't happen without the other.

Have you ever dealt with or gotten into a relationship with a commitment-phobe? Or are you one yourself? What's going on there?