Is a rebound necessary?

There's a new movie coming out that looks incredibly dumb, but I'll probably see because my boyfriend likes Dane Cook and my good friend likes Jessica Alba. That movie, Good Luck Chuck, is about a guy who apparently has some kind of curse on him that makes every woman he sleeps with dump him and then marry the next guy she dates.

So much for a rebound guy.

One of my boyfriend's friends has suffered from Good Luck Chuck syndrome in the past. Time after time, he would date a woman, get in a long term relationship, and -- BAM -- she would dump him and marry the next man she dated.

Many people warn not to get serious with the next person you date immediately following a relationship. However, the above evidence begs me to question whether having a rebound is even necessary.

For some people, a break up can come as a shock. These people often get hurt and go through mourning for the relationship. They need rebounds because they still have lingering feelings for an ex or they just want to have fun without the commitment.

But for others, a break up is an official end to something that actually ended long ago. If a complete detachment from an ex occurred long before the actual break up, it may not be unusual to skip the rebound altogether.

What is the purpose of a rebound? Is it necessary to rebound after a relationship? Is it possible to find true love with the person you were supposed to be rebounding with?

Ruling out love?

When I was in college, I remember telling my friends that I would never date a guy more than five years older than me and I would never even talk to a guy with a child. My other requirement was that a guy could never have been married.

That was back in 2003 and here we are in 2007 and I've done both. Though we didn't hit it off, the guys were nice enough for me to give it a try.

But I know several people who strictly adhere to the rules they set. I know one person who won't date anyone who makes less than $50,000 a year, even though they have yet to make that kind of money for themselves. I also know a person who refuses to date anybody without a college education. I know a person who actually refuses to date anyone from a particular geographic region (of the U.S.) because of assumptions about politics and cultures. And I know several people who would never think to date someone outside of their race.

However, when it comes to setting these rules, a person is also limiting their dating pool, sometimes drastically and unrealistically. For instance, I understand that as I get older, not only do I have more experiences under my belt, but the men do as well. That increases the likelihood a man has a child or has been through a divorce. So, to rule these men out, I'm beginning to look at a population of men that is getting smaller and smaller everyday.

Do you have any rules that you tend to stick to when dating? Are they working for you? Have you ever went against these rules and how did that work out for you?

Securing a first date

A lot of what we write about on this blog has to do with what happens after you acquire the all-important first date. Of course, none of that information is helpful if you can't even get to that point, a fact that many of you recently have pointed out.

Before you post a comment about how I don't understand the difficulty of getting a date past a certain age, hear me out. I understand that getting a date is a lot different for 20-year-old compared to a 40-year-old. I understand that not everyone is thin and looks like Jessica Alba or Matthew Fox. However, there are certain things people of all ages and body types can do to increase their chances of attracting the opposite sex.

The following tips are based on traits I find attractive in the opposite sex.

1. Be confident. And if you don't have confidence, fake it until you do. This piece of advice really can apply to anything in life, from getting a date to getting a job. People who appear confident and sure of themselves make others have confidence in them. Time and time again, I have heard guys say that confidence attracts them to women, and as a woman, I can tell you confidence attracts me to men.

2. Keep up your appearance. Work with what you've got. Fewer people are perfect than imperfect, so it's unreasonable to expect perfection. Simple things like being clean and well-kept go a long way. Think of all the makeovers you see on TV. I always think everyone ends up looking amazing after getting an updated haircut and clothes that fit.

3. Smile. OK, so I stole this from another blogger, but it's true! If you don't look friendly, no one is going to approach you. Think of it this way: Would you rather approach someone who is smiling at you or someone who is frowning? I'd go for the smile every time.

4. Share common interests. Join groups that include people who you would like to meet. For example, if you join a gardening club, you already have a topic of conversation (no worrying about what to say) and a love of flowers in common. To meet people, you have to go places besides work and home. This is one way to do so.

5. Enjoy the life you have. You're not going to meet someone overnight, so you might as well enjoy being single. Besides, everyone always says love comes when you least expect it.

What are some things people can do to attract the opposite sex and secure a first date? What attracts you to another person? What makes you ask a person out on a date?

Married men are great.....

as conversationalists. According to this article on MSNBC.com, single women prefer talking to married men over bachelors.

But why wouldn't we? Married men, or men who are in very serious relationships, tend to be more stable and more confident. They also give us hope that we could one day reel one in for ourselves. and usually, are better at giving advice on relationships than guys who appear to be eternal bachelors. I've also found that your topic base expands way outside the realm of male-female relationships mainly because, most likely, neither party's thoughts on the subject will ever affect the other person. You can completely be yourself because you're not trying to impress them. You can cry on their shoulder and know that they actually care and are not just trying to hop into bed with you.

And, most importantly (unless you're heading into an adulterous situation), you never have to ask yourself the question of what is really going on in the situation. You never have to envision and anticipate that dreaded "relationship talk."

Simply put: single men are scary because of the possibilities, married and seriously-involved men are comfortable because of their stability with someone else.

As women, have any of you found it easier to communicate with men who were in relationships? Why or why not?