How do you know?

A week or so ago some friends and I were having a conversation about how you know you're with the person you should marry. We had polled married and engaged friends, and none of their answers were particularly helpful. Most centered around the phrase, "You just know."

I wonder if some of these well-meaning people are temporarily -- or worse, permanently -- deluded. They make it sound so easy, like they never had one fight in their relationship, and everything is just so right and perfect. I can't blame them though. After being propositioned with a beautiful ring and promises of forever, I'd probably be deluded, too.

Just knowing is great if you happen to be in the position where you do "just know." But if you don't, there at least have to be criteria you can gauge to see if you're on the right track, we figured. What are the guidelines out there for the rest of us? Is this a case of what we don't know can hurt us?

Here are some of the questions we had about the issue:

* If you're with someone for a certain period of time, should you get to a point where you "just know" one way or the other? For example, if you have been with someone for three years, should you "just know" that person is right for you?

* What are some criteria you can use to determine if you are with the right person?

* If you don't "just know" someone is right for you, is that necessarily bad?

What do you think? For those married and engaged readers, how did you know?

The biggest lie

Some people would say that in every relationship, some lies must be told.

Yesterday, I watched as a man was surprised with an award and a ceremony by all his colleagues and friends and family. While he enjoyed the surprise, he said he was concerned his wife could lie and keep a secret of that magnitude from him.

Now some people would argue that particular instance was a good lie, if there is a such a thing.

However, I have witnessed people tell some pretty bad big and bold lies. I'm talking anywhere from "I'm not married" to "It's your kid and I know it". And unfortunately, not all of these have been on television.

So what is the biggest lie you have ever told in a relationship? What was your justification for it? Do you believe there's such a thing as a good lie to tell to a significant other?

Rescue me

Sometimes, the people we love go out with people we can't stand or dislike for various reasons. As friends or family members, we'd hate to see the person we love get in a bad situation with this other seemingly odious person. Now we have two choices: say nothing and smile and nod when our friend talks about his or her partner or stage an intervention and get our friend to see the light, so to speak.

This type of situation calls into question the duties of a friend. Is it our job to unconditionally support our friends, even if they make what we know to be poor decisions? Or is it our job to try to rescue our friends from their bad choices?

On one hand, if you knew someone was abusing your friend, you would do everything in your power to try to help. But when the situation does not involve any immediate health or safety risks -- the man or woman in question is just a jerk or stupid or insensitive -- is there still any compulsion to save people from their own bad dating decisions? Love is blind, and the person in the bad situation just might not want to be rescued. A lot can be said about people learning from their own mistakes.

I've been in the rescuer and rescue-ee positions. Of course, as the rescue-ee, I disregarded advice and despised it at the time, but in my own time I came to see my friends were right.

What would you do in such a situation? Do you try to rescue your friends from bad dating situations or do you let them run their course? Have you ever had to be rescued? Did you appreciate your friends for speaking up or did you resent them?

What's your break-up "thing"?

OK, obviously from my recent blogs, you can tell that breaking up is on my mind and that is because many of the people I associate with are going through hard times right now.

Crying and moping are typically synonymous with breakups, but I've noticed, especially among my closest cohorts, that they engage in other behaviors during a breakup that seem to be routine uniquely for them.

I have one friend who cuts her hair after every breakup I've ever known her to go through. Another friend always tests out a new hair color. Yet, another one gains a newfound appreciation and obsession with the gym. Most recently, one of my friends started switching up her house decor. In my own randomness, I notice that I'm more willing than ever to travel and get away after a breakup.

Oftentimes, a break-up is a change that you cannot control. So I think it makes sense to seek change that you can control.

So what is the thing that you are prone to do when going through a breakup?