Hey, jealousy

Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.
-- Maya Angelou

I have a confession: whether I like it or not, I have a jealous streak.

I don't want to be jealous, and I know that my thoughts at times are irrational and silly. I tell myself that I should just suck it up and move on, but sometimes I get this nagging jealous feeling that I just can't seem to shake.

Case in point:
A month or so back, my boyfriend spent the day with one of his female friends. They went out to lunch and then went to Lane Packing and had a day of platonic fun. There were many reasons for me not to be jealous: I trust my boyfriend, and his friend was married, lived in another country and used to date his best friend. Obviously, there was no reason for them to get together. Still, I couldn't help but feel that green-eyed monster creeping up on me. Knowing that I was being irrational (after all, I have plenty of guy friends that I can hang out with alone in a completely non-romantic way), I called one of my best friends for her to confirm to me what I already knew: I was being a stupid jealous girl.

Jealousy originates out of some insecurity or perceived threat to a relationship, according to an article on the BBC's Web site. Jealousy in small doses can be good because it can help us appreciate our partner more, but of course, it can be straining if one person constantly is suspicious and jealous of the other person.

I usually try to recognize my own jealousy and more often than not, realize that it's unfounded. When I need assurance, I call one of my friends who I know has their head screwed on right. And, usually, I tell my boyfriend about it later (in a non-accusatory way), which makes me feel better.

Do you ever get jealous? How do you deal with it? If you have a jealous SO, how do you manage his/her jealousy?

She's just not that into him

I have a friend who is casually dating this one guy. Things were going pretty good, and she was happy. Then, she met this other guy. He piques her interest a bit more than the first guy, and she'd like to start dating him.

Now, dating two people at once is not illegal. You could date five, 10 or 20 guys all at once, and it would be OK as long as you didn't commit yourself to one of them in particular. But the problem is this: how does she ease up on seeing guy No. 1 when she really wants to be seeing guy No. 2?

My initial solution for her was to just be "busy" every time guy No. 1 asks her to do something. Eventually, if he's smart, he'll just figure it. My idea was shot down, though, because my friend added that she worked with guy No. 1, and she didn't want things to be weird at work. Because of the work thing, she also doesn't want to just string guy No. 1 along and, as a result, be perceived as a player.

So what's the best, most gentle way to let guy No. 1 down while preserving the professional relationship they'll have at work? Have any of you ever been in this situation? Is it possible for things to go back to the way they were at work?

Mom's romance rules to live by

There are a ridiculous amount of magazine articles and web sites dedicated to outlining important rules for men and women to live by when it comes to romance and relationships. In my experience, however, I have always found that it is best to make up rules that work for you and the relationship you are in or the relationship you want to be in. And of course, it does't hurt to listen to a little advice you hear along the way.

For me, my mom has come up with some good ones along the way, and I take note of them because my parent's had a terrific bond and an even better marriage. I think they were the exception to the rule that says couples that don't fight have a passionless relationship. My parents always seemed to enjoy being together, and I can only remember them fighting once — and the argument was quickly replaced with laughter.

The first rule I learned from my mom was to find someone that "you can laugh with." It seems so simple, but I think laughter and enjoying each other is definitely important. It's probably why I look for someone with a sense of humor and who I can have a good time with. My boyfriend makes me laugh more than anyone else (and he knows this!), and it's one of the reasons I think our relationship has stayed strong even through some of our bad times.

My mom also told my sister and I at a young age that if a man ever cheats on us or beats us, we are to leave the relationship immediately. I think I was around 10 when she told me that, and it sticks out even now. I definitely wouldn't put up with either of those situations.

I could go on, but I would like to hear from you. Has your mom or dad, or grandma ever passed down relationship advice that you deem important today?