Couples therapy

While watching one of my favorite romantic comedies the other night, "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days", the subject of couples therapy came up in a scene where the lead male character was trying to salvage the mess created by the female lead character.

As the title implies, they had only been dating a week, so the realistic side of me was thinking it was a little too soon to be dropping dough to solve problems in a barely there relationship.

But I couldn't help but wonder how deep do you have to be in a relationship to think going to a counselor would be a valuable investment.

I've never done it, nor do I know anyone who has gone through couples counseling, but I think the concept is great. You're confronting your issues with the person you have the problems with and there is an objective third party present.

Have you or someone you've known participated in couples therapy? How was the experience and what came from it? Would you suggest couples therapy to other couples?

'You're too picky!'

After being out of a relationship for awhile, many singles start to hear the phrase, "You're too picky!" tossed around. Maybe you've even said it to somebody or been told it yourself.

But what is "too picky"?

Some people know to a tee what qualities they look for in a significant other. These can be as specific as: blonde hair, blue eyes, has a six-figure bank account, wants two children (a boy and a girl) and ALWAYS does the dishes.

When you get as specific as this, it can be hard to compromise. Someone who fits into every category but one may get the boot, and, to me, this is indeed "too picky." Maybe it's OK if your dream boat has brown hair and fits the other characteristics. Maybe it's OK if the person makes fewer than six-figures but would make a great parent to your two kids.

I'm not talking about settling. That implies you are getting less than you deserve. I'm talking about deciding what qualities are most important to you (ie, deal breakers if the other person doesn't meet them) and then letting the other things fall off the list. You keep more options open that way.

What do you think makes someone too picky? Have you ever been accused or accused someone else of being too picky? Do you think you're too picky? Do you see being picky as a good or bad thing?

Could you at least ask me?

Recently, a friend of mine received a diamond ring from her boyfriend of more than five years. However, you will not find her calling it an engagement ring.

The reason for this is when he gave her the ring, he said "I know you would just say yes so I don't have to go through all of that." In his mind, no proposal is needed.

I can understand where the expectation that she would say yes is coming from. I mean when you're living with someone and been together for five years, most people would say that's the next logical step.

They've been through years of ups and down and have stuck by each other's sides the entire time. A lot of engaged and married couples can't say they've been through half the things this couple has been through.

Enduring all of that shows even further why he should do it properly. So after all this time and work, I think it is fitting that the guy takes the time to get down on one knee and ask the question. He doesn't even have to get down on one knee, but he should at least ask.

I know that as a relationship gets older, a lot of people say the romance grows stale. But if you're going to propose, I think you should do it right.

What do you think? Is it acceptable for a guy not to ask for your hand in a marriage when in a long-term or live-in relationship?

Just like Mom and Dad

It has been said that people often have relationships like that of their parents.

For example, if your parents were respectful to each other and compromised, you're more likely to model that in your relationships. Conversely, if your parents solved arguments by yelling at each other, you're likely to pick that up as well.

Basically, we learn to model our relationships after our parents' because they're the only ones we know.

I wonder then, if from this, we can accurately predict how a significant other may behave in the future based on how his or her parents behave. If his parents are divorced, does that mean he is more likely to divorce in the future? If her parents stayed together for the kids, does that mean she'll want to keep an unhappy relationship alive even when it would be better off dead?

Do you think you can accurately predict your SO's behavior based on his or her parents? Do you see yourself modeling your own parents' relationship?