Macon Love

We're moving!

2008-09-02T14:19:00.005-04:00

UPDATE: We're up and running, come see us!

Hey Macon Love bloggers,

Starting today, we're moving to a new Web address. Now, you'll be able to find us at www.macon.com/maconlove. You'll still be able to find all our old posts here at blogger, but for anything new, you'll have to visit the new site.

I hope all of you come down and check it out. As always, we welcome your comments.

See you at macon.com!

Rose

The name says it all

2008-08-29T17:13:00.002-04:00

Since we're about to head into a Labor Day weekend, I figured that I would do a light-hearted blog on online dating nicknames.

Before we get into some of the interesting ones I have encountered, here's a little advice on selecting a good profile name.

Now on to some interesting ones I have encountered over my online dating history (I literally do save some of the more interesting ones for my amusement.)

Maconsbigmember: I don't know if this is a reference to the guy's size or if he is referencing body parts. Maybe he's "big" on being a "member" of many organizations. I don't know. Either way, something told me I didn't want to find out.

Babyboy1960: Ok, anyone who reads this blog knows I don't do older men. So when I saw a photo of someone who was obviously born in 1960 calling himself baby boy, I had to laugh. Not only that, he was dressed as thought the Warner Robins Police Department could charge him using that new sagging pants ordinance they passed.

CrazymanXX: I've actually seen several variations of and wonder if the guy was trying to attract PsychoChickXX. This profile name screams "back away from the computer screen." But hey, if you're willing to acknowledge it and accept it....

What's the craziest online dating profile name you've encountered? What effect does a dating profile name have on your chances of responding? What effort do you put into creating an online dating name, if any?

Dating guys in 'guyland'

2008-08-28T14:39:00.003-04:00

Education reporter Julie Hubbard writes over at The Report Card blog about a new phenomenon among young men that I think applies to many of us dating them. It's called getting stuck in "guyland" -- that gray area in between adolescence and adulthood, mainly between ages 16 and 26.

It's an idea brought about by author Michael Kimmel in his book "Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men." The idea interested me, so I googled the topic and found this excerpt from the book.

The gist of the book is this:

Today, many of these young men, poised between adolescence and adulthood, are more likely to feel anxious and uncertain. In college, they party hard but are soft on studying. They slip through the academic cracks, another face in a large lecture hall, getting by with little effort and less commitment. After graduation, they drift aimlessly from one dead-end job to another, spend more time online playing video games and gambling than they do on dates (and probably spend more money too), "hook up" occasionally with a "friend with benefits," go out with their buddies, drink too much, and save too little. After college, they perpetuate that experience and move home or live in group apartments in major cities, with several other guys from their dorm or fraternity. They watch a lot of sports. They have grandiose visions for their futures and not a clue how to get from here to there. When they do try and articulate this amorphous uncertainty, they're likely to paper over it with a simple "it's all good."

I know guys like this, heck, I know some women (gals?) like this. I'm sure you do too. It's partially evidenced in the fact that we all date casually more and marry later in life.

Do you see guys stuck in guyland? Does it make it harder for you to find someone who you want to settle down with? Have you ever been ready for a "grown up" relationship while your guy was not?

To point out the flaws or not to point out the flaws?

2008-08-27T16:20:00.000-04:00

Here's the scenario:

You've gone out with someone three times. Each date is a disaster partially because your date has some personality traits that are undesirable by almost anyone's standards (cheapskate, arrogant, etc.). Yet, this person thinks there is nothing wrong and continues to pursue you with zeal.

So you have finally determined that you don't want to see the person anymore. The person is still calling you and texting you and you are stuck with the task of letting them down. The question now is how and what you should say.

With option one, you would just say you are no longer interested and say something like there was just no chemistry. With option two, you might consider making the person aware of their personal flaws because, in your mind, this is a service to all potential suitors for the person.

Which option would you choose? When you decide to stop dating someone, do you believe they need a full-blown explanation? Which factors do you believe play a role in selecting your options?

Rekindling the romance

2008-08-26T11:56:00.002-04:00

Monday was the BF's birthday (the big 2-7), so over the weekend I took him up to the north Georgia mountains for some of his favorite activity: hiking.

We drove up Saturday, leaving Macon at 7 a.m. We stopped at Vogel State Park and visited a few waterfalls, including Duke's Creek Falls and Anna Ruby Falls. We also stopped in Helen and went tubing down the river (which was a bad idea in a drought, btw, don't do it) before heading to a bed and breakfast near Dahlonega for the night.

The next day, we hiked down Tallulah Gorge, which was no easy feat, especially for an indoors person like me who does not really enjoy hiking. The reward -- a breathtaking view of the gorge and a dip in a swimming hole -- however, was worth it. Even more fulfilling than the view, though, was that the whole journey gave us time to rekindle the intangible: the romance in our relationship.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our day-to-day activities that we forget to appreciate the person we are with. When the BF and I meandered through the woods just the two of us, we had time to talk about all the things that get lost in our everyday conversations about work, cooking dinner and what we're going to do over the weekend. It also re-injected trust into the relationship, sort of like those Outward Bound trips where you practice team building activities. The BF and I built our own little team.

What are some things you do to rekindle the romance in your relationships?

Just because you ask doesn't mean you're interested

2008-08-25T15:49:00.001-04:00

The other day, while out to eat with some friends, one of them ran into a person who knew their ex from about eight years ago. She went through the usual script and then got to how is so and so doing? Once she got her answer she returned to the table.

One of our other friends ripped into her and told her she was still very much interested in her ex or else she wouldn't have asked. She replied that she wasn't.

To me, it wasn't like she was really grilling for information and this was someone she had dated for a couple of years. It's only natural to wonder about what someone you once cared about is doing. Now if she had ran back and gave us all the full details with either glee or disappointment, then I would have wondered.

And furthermore, let's be real, sometimes we are just plain being nosy. With certain people we dated, we want to know where they are in life. If we weren't nosy people, social networking sites would not take up as much of our day as it does. But there's a big difference in being curious and dwelling on it.

Do you believe that if a person inquires about their ex that they are still interested?

Are ugly women desperate? We seem to think so.

2008-08-22T11:41:00.002-04:00

The mayor of the small Australian town of Mount Isa has been catching some flak for his comments inviting ugly women to the town, which has a male-leaning population.

For anyone who missed it, here's Mayor John Molony's comments:

"May I suggest if there are five blokes to every girl, we should find out where there are beauty-disadvantaged women and ask them to proceed to Mount Isa," Cr Molony said.

"Quite often you will see walking down the street a lass who is not so attractive with a wide smile on her face. Whether it is recollection of something previous or anticipation for the next evening, there is a degree of happiness.

"Often those who are beauty-disadvantaged are uphappy with their lot.

"Some, in other places in Australia, need to proceed to Mount Isa where happiness awaits."

I'm sure by now the mayor regrets what he said, if for no other reason than to keep himself out of the international spotlight while saying dumb things.

But the reality is that the mayor's comments illustrate what many people already believe: Ugly, er, beauty-disadvantaged, women are desperate. The same goes for men. The prevailing thought is that unattractive people should lower their standards and accept mediocrity because, let's face it, they just can't get anything better.

Of course, this is untrue, and in the end, personality usually determines whether two people will stay together. But when this does happen many see it as an anomaly, wondering how the ugly chick ended up with the hot guy. Or, if someone is more attractive than we are, we automatically think of that person as unattainable. I have been guilty of having such thoughts myself.

What do you think of the mayor's comments? What role does beauty have in dating? Have you ever felt you weren't given a fair shot because of your looks? Do you ever view other people as unattainable or below your level because of their looks?

Will they always think they have 'it'?

2008-08-21T15:06:00.001-04:00

Today, I was out working on an assignment when an older gentleman decides to tell me about about how he's been trying to find someone to go out with on various dating Web sites. Alas, he hasn't had any luck and had not been on a date since he was 20. He asks me if I know of any better alternatives. I give him a suggestion, then he starts to give me his e-mail address which I ignored. Then he proceeded to tell me how he was turning 61 later this month and wanted someone to take out. By this point, I had realized that I was an object of interest, wished him luck and scurried off.

Then, recently, another friend of mine around my age was approached by a guy in his 40s on a social networking site. That wasn't as bad, but she still was not feeling it.

I remember when I turned 21, my friend warned me about the batch of older men out there who would hit on me since I was legal. I'm beginning to think that number increases exponentially once you hit 25. And frankly, it's rare that I find men who are many years older than me attractive. Nevertheless, it doesn't seem to keep them from trying.

And yet, I would never think to go after a guy who was 21 at 25 and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to try when I'm 40. I doubt we will have much in common. But with guys, it seems that at any age, they think they can get a twenty-something.

So to the guys, why do you have no problem seeking out much younger women? Are there any women out there who seek out the much-older guy?

The dating rule I will never break

2008-08-20T11:13:00.002-04:00

Like most things in dating, the rules that surround it are fluid. While one person may say you have to wait three days to call after a date, someone else may say it's OK to call the next day. While some say women should never make the first move, there will be just as many telling women to just ask a man out.

Most of these rules vary from person to person and depend on the particular dating situation. Sometimes I may kiss on a first date; sometimes I may not. Sometimes I may invite a guy to dinner and pay; and, again, sometimes I may not.

However, there is one rule that I always stand by (and advise my friends to do the same): Never sleep with someone on a first date.

This, I have observed, has been the downfall of many potential relationships. This is because instead of having subsequent dates, the two people most likely will have subsequent booty calls. And I guess that's OK if that's what you're looking for, but if you're looking for an actual relationship, this is not the way to do it.

Maybe I'm old school, but I think two people should actually know each other before they hop in the sack, and I'm not talking about knowing that Jose Cuervo is your date's favorite liquor. Before there's a physical connection, there should be an emotional and intellectual connection. If that doesn't exist, and a relationship doesn't seem to be moving forward, there isn't any reason to get physical.

What do you think about sex on a first date? Do you have any dating rules that you refuse to break?

"I think I'll know if I'm pregnant before you will"

2008-08-19T15:46:00.001-04:00

I have this friend who has been in a relationship for more than four years and every time she gets a nauseous stomach or goes through a mood swing, her boyfriend thinks she is pregnant.

And every time, she is not.

It used to be funny. But now, she says it has become an annoyance, especially with him coming home with emergency pregnancy tests on a regular basis.

She asks him if he secretly wants a baby. He says no. She asks him if he thinks that she is trying to trap him. He says no.

His response: I just get this feeling that you are pregnant.

Now she is irked at how he would act if she ever did become pregnant and she is sick of his intuition. She has even gone so far as to say don't ask me, I'll tell you.

How do you think a boyfriend should handle it when he thinks his girlfriend could be pregnant? Have you ever been in a situation where your significant other thought that you were with child even when you were completely not? How do you think you would react if your boyfriend kept after you about being pregnant?

With the wrong guy? Blame the pill.

2008-08-18T15:02:00.004-04:00

Light (and late, sorry) post today.

Found this interesting WebMD article that says women who take the pill are more likely to choose the wrong mate. Apparently the pill messes up our ability to pick out the "right" pheromones in a guy.

Apparently, we should be able to sniff out men who are genetically different from us. Doing so increases our chances of a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby and makes us more likely to have sexually satisfying relationships. The pill supposedly makes us more likely to sniff out genetically similar men.

I have heard that a side effect of the pill is a lower libido. Maybe all that really means is that we're with the wrong man, or a genetically similar guy.

If this study is true, maybe we should all go off the pill for a bit and see if we still like the person we're dating.

One thing's for sure, though. I wouldn't have wanted to be a subject in this experiment.

They paid 37 women to smell men's T-shirts before and after going on the pill. Then they compared the women's before- and after-pill ratings of the odors to those of 60 women who did not use oral contraceptives.

I hope the shirts weren't sweaty.

Getting him to the courthouse

2008-08-15T15:27:00.000-04:00

I'm the girl who almost dreads the idea of planning the big, lavish wedding. There, I said it.

I could live without the politics of picking bridesmaids, seating arrangements and the enormous price tag that comes afterwards for an event that lasted no more than a half hour.

For almost as long as I can remember, I have envisioned getting married before some judge in some government building. You're in. You're married. You're out. If you want to celebrate, plan a get-together for later.

However, one of my male friends informed me the other day there's a very good chance I could be dealing with a man who wants the wedding more than I do. After seeing my blank stare, he went on to inform me that some guys need the ceremony to realize that they are committing their life to someone. It could be a much-needed wake-up call, he said. Since the day is also about him, it could be a lot harder to get the nice little courthouse ceremony than I initially anticipated.

So to the guys out there, how important is the wedding ceremony to you? Would you find it off-putting if a woman wanted a much simpler wedding at the courthouse?

Intellectual stimulation

2008-08-14T13:44:00.004-04:00

In today's Dear Abby column (I confess, I am a Dear Abby junkie), a woman writes in about her attempt to date younger and less educated men. She did this at the urging of Abby, who previously had told her to "get off her high horse" and try dating men outside her box.

Here's what she had to say:

"DEAR ABBY: I wrote you about a year ago regarding my difficulty in finding a single, educated, relationship-minded man. You advised me to lower my high standards and date outside my preconceived notions of who Mr. Right was - - someone younger or without a college degree.

I dated several men who matched the description. At best, things were uninteresting. Taking your suggestion to "get off my high horse," I have been involved for six months with a man slightly younger than I, with a high school education and children. He's a good man, a good father, and treats me like a queen. However, we're completely incompatible. Intellectually, we're miles apart.

Much as I care for him, I am breaking up with him. I have returned to school to work on my MBA and would rather be single the rest of my life than live a lie for the sake of love. The one thing I have learned from this experience is a newfound fulfillment in being single. -- STILL LOOKING IN NEW ORLEANS"

I have to say, I have never dated anyone without a college degree. I also have not dated anyone significantly younger, but that would be pretty hard since I'm young myself anyway. While I can see how it would be enlightening to date someone younger or less educationally prepared, ultimately, I side with the reader. If you can't connect on an intellectual level or you're just in a different place in your life, a relationship likely will not work out.

I'm not trying it be Miss Smarty Pants, and I'm not saying that a piece of paper is what determine someone's intelligence. Some very thoughtful and bright people may not hold college degrees for various reasons. It's just that people in relationships need to stimulate each other on several levels, from physical to emotional to intellectual to sexual. If one is absent, it's like missing a piece to a puzzle; it will be almost perfect but never complete.

Have you ever dated anyone who was not as smart as you? If you hold a college degree, would you date someone who didn't? How important is intellectual stimulation in a relationship?

The pains of relationship purgatory

2008-08-13T16:29:00.000-04:00

A lot of people say there is nothing worse than the horrific break-up where the two parties hate each other.

But to others, the amicable breakup can cause just as much pain.

The amicable break-up has a much greater chance of placing you in what I like to call "relationship purgatory."

This is a painful place because you know where you stand, but you don't. The other person may still be calling you on a fairly regular basis. The two of you don't hate each other. It's very obvious that you both still care. You may even almost feel closer than you did during tough times in the relationship.

However, no one mentions anything about returning to a relationship, yet no one seems ready to move on. In some ways, it can be pure hell and lead you to question why the break-up even took place.

Have you ever been in relationship purgatory? How did you handle it? How did you get out of it? Are you still in it?

Are Maconites approachable?

2008-08-12T12:28:00.002-04:00

On Friday I drove up to Atlanta for Girls Night with some of my friends from college. We spent the evening hanging out in the Virginia Highlands, eating dinner and visiting the various bars in the area.

For all the ladies out there who need a place to find guys, let me tell you: the Virginia Highlands is where they're at.

Amazingly, men seemed to outnumber women at each and every place we visited. It was like they were oozing out of the woodwork. And they were all incredibly friendly, and not necessarily in the "I'm hitting on you" kind of way. After all, only one of us was even single, so it's not like we were flirting or even trying to gain anyone's attention. (However, if you were, you would probably go home with a handful of phone numbers.)

Needless to say, I don't know of any place like this in Macon. Why don't we have any places -- restaurant, bar, neighborhood -- teeming with friendly, easy-to-meet people?

Sure, people congregate at several places around here (El Azteca, Dirty Iguana, Tic Toc), but it seems that everyone has his or her own little clique. If you don't already know someone, you really don't have an in with most people around you. All these various cliques can really hinder the dating scene because you're basically limited to people already in your clique.

Are people in Macon less approachable than people in other cities? Have you noticed various cliques within the city? If so, do these cliques influence your dating life? Why can't we all just get along?

Love on a schedule

2008-08-11T15:25:00.000-04:00

I know this very busy couple. They are both workaholics and heavily involved in various organizations and their respective churches. Actually, they met through a mutual organization.

Anyway, because they are always running around doing something, they have scheduled specific times during the week when they will meet. Some of these times even have specific purposes for them such as dinner or movie rentals. And they both literally sat down with their respective planners to map all of this out.

Now I understand why there might be a need to plot out time for romance. But when it is that plotted out, I think I would be concerned if there was room left for any spontaneity. And spontaneity is one of the ingredients that makes romance so fun.

What do you think of romance on a schedule? Have you tried it? Does it work for you? Where is the room for spontaneity?

Cuddle me tender

2008-08-08T14:25:00.007-04:00

Apparently this thing called a cuddle party is coming to Warner Robins at the end of August. What this exactly entails, I am not sure, but it appears that a cuddle party is just what it sounds like: a bunch of grown ups getting cozy in PJs.

From Cuddle Party's Web site:

"What a Cuddle Party is: A structured, safe workshop on boundaries, communication, intimacy and affection. A drug and alcohol-free way to meet fascinating people in a relaxing environment. A laboratory where you can experiment with what makes you feel safe and feel good.

This playful, fun workshop has been a place for people to rediscover non-sexual touch and affection, a space to reframe assumptions about men and women, and a great networking event to meet new friends, roommates, business partners and significant others."

The emphasis is mine. Tell me, is there really a way for a cuddle to be non-sexual? One of my co-workers says no way, or at least, no way it can be done in a non-romantic way. I sort of agree. I mean, if I found out my boyfriend was cuddling with someone other than me, I'd be pretty ticked off.

At the very least, this is something new for singles to check out in Middle Georgia. At the most, maybe you'll get a date out of it.

What's your take on the cuddle party? Is this something you would ever go to? Does this seem like a good or bad way to meet potential dates? Do you think a cuddle can be non-sexual/non-romantic?

The tall and short of it

2008-08-07T17:04:00.000-04:00

One of my friends is almost supermodel height, yet she is always pursued by men who measure average height or below. And she is always complaining that men taller than her rarely ever hit on her. In her eyes, all the tall men are being scooped up by the short women, leaving the short men for the tall women.

Yet, I have another friend who is about average height who opts to date men her height or shorter. If you ask her, that's just what she's always been attracted to.

Now, I'm what some would say is short. I almost did a dance the day they said five feet at the doctor's office. Yet, when it comes to men that I'm attracted to, I can honestly say that I prefer taller men. Because of my height, my perception of tall can be quite different from other women. However, I can honestly say the two times I have ever encountered guys close to my height that hit on me, I was not interested at all.

I don't know. It's something that I like about a guy being able to tower over me and scoop me up. I guess maybe that is what my friend wants too.

So to the short guys out there, do you have a thing for taller or shorter women? For the tall women, are you attracted to taller or shorter men and do you find it difficult to find dates?

How do you know?

2008-08-06T09:55:00.002-04:00

A week or so ago some friends and I were having a conversation about how you know you're with the person you should marry. We had polled married and engaged friends, and none of their answers were particularly helpful. Most centered around the phrase, "You just know."

I wonder if some of these well-meaning people are temporarily -- or worse, permanently -- deluded. They make it sound so easy, like they never had one fight in their relationship, and everything is just so right and perfect. I can't blame them though. After being propositioned with a beautiful ring and promises of forever, I'd probably be deluded, too.

Just knowing is great if you happen to be in the position where you do "just know." But if you don't, there at least have to be criteria you can gauge to see if you're on the right track, we figured. What are the guidelines out there for the rest of us? Is this a case of what we don't know can hurt us?

Here are some of the questions we had about the issue:

* If you're with someone for a certain period of time, should you get to a point where you "just know" one way or the other? For example, if you have been with someone for three years, should you "just know" that person is right for you?

* What are some criteria you can use to determine if you are with the right person?

* If you don't "just know" someone is right for you, is that necessarily bad?

What do you think? For those married and engaged readers, how did you know?

The biggest lie

2008-08-05T14:44:00.001-04:00

Some people would say that in every relationship, some lies must be told.

Yesterday, I watched as a man was surprised with an award and a ceremony by all his colleagues and friends and family. While he enjoyed the surprise, he said he was concerned his wife could lie and keep a secret of that magnitude from him.

Now some people would argue that particular instance was a good lie, if there is a such a thing.

However, I have witnessed people tell some pretty bad big and bold lies. I'm talking anywhere from "I'm not married" to "It's your kid and I know it". And unfortunately, not all of these have been on television.

So what is the biggest lie you have ever told in a relationship? What was your justification for it? Do you believe there's such a thing as a good lie to tell to a significant other?

Rescue me

2008-08-04T11:13:00.001-04:00

Sometimes, the people we love go out with people we can't stand or dislike for various reasons. As friends or family members, we'd hate to see the person we love get in a bad situation with this other seemingly odious person. Now we have two choices: say nothing and smile and nod when our friend talks about his or her partner or stage an intervention and get our friend to see the light, so to speak.

This type of situation calls into question the duties of a friend. Is it our job to unconditionally support our friends, even if they make what we know to be poor decisions? Or is it our job to try to rescue our friends from their bad choices?

On one hand, if you knew someone was abusing your friend, you would do everything in your power to try to help. But when the situation does not involve any immediate health or safety risks -- the man or woman in question is just a jerk or stupid or insensitive -- is there still any compulsion to save people from their own bad dating decisions? Love is blind, and the person in the bad situation just might not want to be rescued. A lot can be said about people learning from their own mistakes.

I've been in the rescuer and rescue-ee positions. Of course, as the rescue-ee, I disregarded advice and despised it at the time, but in my own time I came to see my friends were right.

What would you do in such a situation? Do you try to rescue your friends from bad dating situations or do you let them run their course? Have you ever had to be rescued? Did you appreciate your friends for speaking up or did you resent them?

What's your break-up "thing"?

2008-08-01T15:09:00.000-04:00

OK, obviously from my recent blogs, you can tell that breaking up is on my mind and that is because many of the people I associate with are going through hard times right now.

Crying and moping are typically synonymous with breakups, but I've noticed, especially among my closest cohorts, that they engage in other behaviors during a breakup that seem to be routine uniquely for them.

I have one friend who cuts her hair after every breakup I've ever known her to go through. Another friend always tests out a new hair color. Yet, another one gains a newfound appreciation and obsession with the gym. Most recently, one of my friends started switching up her house decor. In my own randomness, I notice that I'm more willing than ever to travel and get away after a breakup.

Oftentimes, a break-up is a change that you cannot control. So I think it makes sense to seek change that you can control.

So what is the thing that you are prone to do when going through a breakup?

If he looks like a jerk, sounds like a jerk and smells like a jerk ...

2008-07-31T12:06:00.004-04:00

Why is it that when we like someone, we tend to ignore and even makes excuses for their bad qualities?

When a guy is a jerk to our friends, we say, "It's not his fault. He was just nervous." When a guy cheats on us we say, "He couldn't help it. I wasn't giving him what he needed." When a guy treats us badly we say, "I can't blame him. His momma never taught him how to love a woman."

It's part of a woman's analytical nature to look past immediate experiences and find out why someone acts the way he does. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons why people don't live up to our expectations. But sometimes we just need to call 'em as we see 'em: jerks.

I think that we make excuses for people because we want to believe in them. We already have found some characteristic that makes this person great, and when we he lets us down, we refuse to believe that he is anyone other than the wonderful person we built up in our minds.

So we make excuses.

Explaining the behavior in our minds, is better than accepting the fact that someone doesn't live up to our expectations. Sometimes we explain away the behavior because we're lonely and don't believe that anyone else will have us. We hope the other person will change.

Unfortunately, he usually does not, and all this does is keep us in bad situations longer than we should be. We need to learn that some people may seem great at first, but then not live up to the hype. And when the let us down, we need to let go.

Have you ever made excuses for the bad behavior of someone you dated? Have you ever stayed with someone longer than you should have, hoping they would change?

Can you really be mad at the truth?

2008-07-30T12:21:00.001-04:00

I'm a strong advocate for honesty in any relationship. Sometimes it may not be the honesty that you always want to hear, but at least you know where you stand.

I think for the most part I'm good at dealing with guys who are forthcoming. If you tell me that you are dating other women, I'm more than likely going to make a decision whether I can deal with that or not and act accordingly. If I choose to stick around, I should not be surprised someone else exists because, guess what, YOU TOLD ME.

So it is kind of frustrating to watch my peers deal with overtly honest guys and get their hearts broken time and time again.

So here are two scenarios where I think this specifically applies:

1) When a guy says he is dating other women. What you said was heard. Nevertheless, that will not stop some women from throwing a fit if they see you at a club or going out to dinner with another woman. But he told you he was seeing someone else, so why are you mad?

2) When a guy says he doesn't want a relationship. This one gets a little sketchy. Most of the time when I hear this from a guy, I see it as knowing what my limits are. Other females that I know don't see it that way. They think that it has a potential to grow into something more. And it could. However, most of the time, it doesn't. But in the beginning, he said that wasn't what he wanted. So when it doesn't happen or at least not with you, why are you throwing a fit?

Oftentimes, I think the true anger is towards ourselves for saying we could handle a situation that we knew deep down we couldn't.

So I ask can you really be mad at the truth?

Now you want him, now you don't

2008-07-29T13:51:00.002-04:00

We are a nation of fickle people. We change our minds at a whim, doing whatever suits us on that particular day at that particular time. We do it with everything from our fashion to our food, and it bleeds over into our dating. A man who looked like a hot piece of meat last night might just look like cold leftovers today.

So what do we do? We throw him away -- figuratively, of course -- or set him aside until the next time we want him or just have nothing better to do.

It's sort of like that one friend who never makes concrete plans. You tell her that you want to hang out on Saturday, and she doesn't commit. The reality is that she wants to see if a better offer comes along, and if not, then she'll hang out with you.

This is how some people go about dating. They will go out with one person until, for whatever reason, that person no longer suits them. They might be single for awhile, or they might date someone else. Then, they get tired of that, and the original person is starting to look good again, they go back. At least for awhile, when the whole cycle starts over again.

What is it that drives people to go out with someone, dump them and then go out with them again, only to dump them later? Is it boredom, wanting the thrill of the chase or simply just needing someone to want them?

Have you ever been on either end of this kind of relationship? What were your motivating factors?

5 questions to ask before breaking up

2008-07-28T16:41:00.001-04:00

According to the experts, there are five significant questions you should ask yourself before any breakup.

1) Has there been a major change in my life?: If you've been laid off or if you have moved to a new city without desirable results, you can feel like the world is crashing down around you. With that comes a sense of a loss of control. The negative feelings you have towards your situation can be transferred and for once, you finally think you can get a sense back of control by determining the course of your relationship. Trouble is it normally doesn't improve your sense of being.

2) What's my happiness ratio? If you are happy or content in the relationship most of the time, you may want to stick it out. If not, move on.

3) Is he or she abusive? If this person constantly makes you feel bad mentally, emotionally or physically, let it go.

4) Have I expressed my frustration? Look, no human is a mindreader. Therefore, you have to tell them when you feel something is not going well in the relationship.

5) Am I willing to work at it? If you both don't want the relationship to succeed and work towards that goal, it may be time to let it go.

All these questions are good barometers for whether to leave a relationship.

What do you think of these questions? Do you think there are other significant questions you need to ask yourself before deciding to break up with someone?

Sly Dial: When going straight to voice mail isn't a bad thing

2008-07-25T16:12:00.005-04:00

Heard about this thing called Sly Dial on the radio this morning. Apparently you can call 267-SLYDIAL (that's 267-759-3425 for the alphabetically-challenged folks), and the service will connect you straight with a person's voice mail without having to take the chance of talking to them.

Here are some potential "sly dial" situations, according to the Web site.

Have your cake and eat it too
You desperately need to call your girlfriend but she is a talker and you don't want to spend an hour on the phone with her because you would much rather watch the game with your buddies. Leave her a sweet voicemail and get a hall pass for the night. ...

Play the field more effectively
You are dating quite a few people at the same time. You don't want to leave them all text messages because there is nothing romantic about that. But a nice voicemail to each would score you points. ...

Buy yourself some time
You go to a week long convention for work in Las Vegas and blow $5,000 the first night at the roulette table. You need to call your wife and tell her why she should hold off on making the monthly mortgage payment. Her voicemail will be much more understanding then she will.

The radio personalities commented that this would be a great tool to break up with someone -- you can say your piece, then just peace out.

What's the most creative way you've ever broken up with someone?

Sticking your foot in your mouth

2008-07-24T10:57:00.003-04:00

We all have embarrassing dating moments -- flubs and blunders that we wish we could take back. One of my friends recently had a doozy that I'd like to share with the blog family. Don't worry, girl, we're laughing with you, not at you :)

So one of my friends recently was hanging out with her latest object of affection, and she became a little too forward in her flirting. I'm not sure if I can repeat exactly what she said on a blog for a family-friendly newspaper, but basically she said that her must-be-6-feet tall rule did not apply to this particular shorter guy, especially in the bedroom.

Got it? OK.

This, as you can probably imagine, was pretty embarrassing in and of itself when she realized what she said. So when she received a text message from said guy stating that he might come out with her later that night, she was pretty thrilled. She quickly thumbed out a text message to her roommate, forgive me, I may paraphrase: "Guy wants to hang out! I didn't scare him away!" But in her haste, she sent the message not to her roommate, but to the original guy she thought she had scared away!

Oops. Hope that guy has a good sense of humor. Really, though, he should be flattered that someone wants him so bad.

What are some of your flirting or dating flubs? Have you ever said or done something to a crush that you wish you could take back?

When's it time to quit?

2008-07-23T11:15:00.003-04:00

How do you know when it's time to call it quits with someone?

I have a friend who has been in a loving relationship for several years. Many people regard this pair as a model couple. They mesh well, have a great time together and have similar interests. However, one of them is a little more ambitious than the other. Now the ambitious one is questioning whether they're an actual good fit.

I don't necessarily see this as an end-all, be-all to the relationship, as long as both parties continue to bring equal contributions to the table. Maybe one lives a stressful life but brings home more money and maybe the other provides solace for all that stress. Assuming they get married and have children, one person could stay at home with the kids, which is definitely worth the contribution in my opinion.

However, this is something that the more ambitious person has got to accept. If the more ambitious person starts to resent the less ambitious person's ways, that will only hinder the relationship.

Just a side note, the less ambitious party does have a job, but doesn't seem to have career goals in mind, something that the more ambitious person has had since a teenager.

What should my friend do? Do you think it's possible for ambitious and not-so-ambitious people to be together? How do you know if the person you're dating in a perfect match, and is it necessary to be a perfect match? How do you know when it's time to call it quits?

Soundtrack to a break-up

2008-07-22T17:26:00.000-04:00

Last night, a friend and I were discussing the music that we choose to listen to when we are going through a break-up or difficult times in a relationship. She's going through one now and has found solace in albums and songs she may not even understood a couple of years ago.

For me, when you are ending a relationship, music can lead to such a great catharsis. I usually opt to put it on blast and indulge in some form of gluttony whether it's ice cream or wine.

Before the I-Pod came out, I owned more than 400 compact discs so here is a list of 10 songs that I turn on when I'm going through a break-up that are probably only the tip of the iceberg.

1. Lesson Learned- Alicia Keys
2. No More Drama- Mary J. Blige
3. The Thrill is Gone- B.B. King
4. Against All Odds- Phil Collins
5. One Last Cry- Brian McKnight
6. Always On My Mind- Elvis Presley
7. Falling-Alicia Keys
8. Giving Up- Donny Hathaway
9. Bringing on the Heartbreak- the Mariah Carey version
10. Love and Happiness- Al Green

So when it comes to your break-up, what music do you listen to in order to get through the situation?

Cutting in line

2008-07-21T12:29:00.001-04:00

I always had prided myself for not being "that girl."

You know the one. She starts freaking out when one by one her friends start to pair off and get married, even though she's still in her 20s. Nope, that wasn't me. At least not until 1:57 p.m. Tuesday -- the moment I found out my friend, who once declared that she didn't want to get married and may never get married, announced her engagement.

The engagement was surprising for several reasons, but the one that hit home for me was that she was a woman who was not looking for marriage and even perceived herself as probably the last one of the six of us college friends to do so. But now the order is all messed up. She cut in line.

This, of course, doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with the rest of us who got pushed to the back. But for some reason it feels that way. We come to expect certain things in life, and now all of our expectations are thrown out of whack.

Of course I am happy for her and love her to death. And I can't wait to meet the guy she's marrying. But somewhere inside me, the little green monster is brewing. My boyfriend called me out.

"Everybody gets married in their own time," he said. "And time is different for everybody."

That's true of course. But I know I'm not the only 20-something who has felt this way. Do any of you unmarried ladies ever feel pressure to marry because all your friends are tying the knot? How do you fight jealousy? Men: do you ever feel pressure to marry as well? It's got to be hard if you're the only unmarried man in a group of friends, just as if a woman is the only single gal in her group.

Rolling with the role model couple

2008-07-18T16:42:00.000-04:00

In almost all my groups of friends, there is what I like to call a "role model" couple.

They are the couple that has either been together seemingly forever or just seem like the perfect fit. The single friends in the group look to the couple as inspiration that love and romance still exists and they can find someone. The ones with significant others compare their relationships to theirs to see if they measure up. Everybody in the group easily assumes that one day they're going to get married.

If it ever goes downhill and there is a break up, some friends may appear to take it harder than the actual people in the relationship because their optimism has been shattered. And optimism is a much needed asset in this world of high divorce rates and drama.

So have you ever been part of a couple that was placed on such a pedestal? If so, how did it make you feel and did you think it put any pressure on your relationship? Within your group of friends, is there a relationship like this?

Desperate with age?

2008-07-17T10:56:00.002-04:00

I think as young people we have a tendency to be picky and fickle when it comes to dating. We have a list of deal breakers -- must not smoke, must love dogs, must not be shorter than 6 feet and so on -- and if the person we're dating doesn't quite measure up to all of our high expectations, we drop them.

I think these deal breakers change as we get older. They get broader, and we get less picky. Deal breakers are more like: must treat me right and must be honest, than superficial ideals that people hold when their younger. Also, I think the older you are, the less likely you are to discount someone after a first date. If there just wasn't any chemistry, older (and wiser) people are more likely to give the person another shot and see if chemistry develops.

Obviously a big answer as to why we become less picky and fickle when we get older is that we're growing up. We're realizing that some things we previously thought were important, really aren't in the big scheme of things. A second answer, though, is that as we age and remain single, we begin to feel more desperate. For women at least, a biological clock starts ticking, and we feel pressure to settle down like other people our age.

No one wants to feel left behind.

Do you think singles become desperate as they age? Do your expectations of potential suitors change as you age?

Revenge does not help a relationship grow

2008-07-16T14:42:00.000-04:00

Ok, how many of you out there have ever been cheated on? You don't have to answer loudly, just be honest with yourself.

Ok, now that we all have admitted that, how many out there have thought that the best way to deal with it and stay in a relationship was to cheat on the original offensive party?

While the numbers may be lower on the second question, when someone betrays you it can be somewhat of a natural reaction to make them feel how you feel.

The only way some can think to do that is by doing what was done to them.

However, while it may seem at first a good idea, it rarely ever works out as planned. The person may feel guilty themselves. The significant other may not react the same way you did when it was done to you. Or the significant other could react more angrily than you did. Or worst of all, they may not react any way at all which is what they person was seeking in their revenge.

Either way it goes, I personally do not think it is healthy for a relationship because it should never be about intentionally hurting the other party. If you're hurting each other, why be in the relationship?

So of those who sought revenge, how did you feel afterwards? How did your significant other react?

If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad

2008-07-15T10:38:00.001-04:00

My boyfriend and I headed down to the Macon Coliseum on Sunday to take part in the coliseum's 40th birthday bash. I had been wanting to go ice skating there for about a year now, but something always got in the way. With free ice skating and free food there on Sunday, it was perfect for a quick -- and cheap! -- afternoon date.

We got down to the coliseum about 1:45 p.m., but had to wait until 2:30 until they started giving out skates again. In the meantime, we people watched and munched on cotton candy, cake and popcorn. Then we got our skates and hit the ice. I've only been ice skating a few times but as a kid I roller bladed and could hold myself up. But my BF -- he was such a good sport! He'd never been ice skating or roller blading before, and, bless his heart, had a hard time just standing up on the things. It would have been easy to quit and go sit on the sidelines, but he persevered around the rink with me, even though he wasn't having the best of times.

Later, he told me he was sorry our date wasn't romantic because he couldn't skate, but I told him that didn't matter. It was romantic enough that he would even continue trying because he knew it made me happy.

Have you ever done something that you were bad at or didn't enjoy just because it made your SO happy? What was it? Has anyone done that for you?

(PS- Bonus points to whoever can name the artist and song in the headline.)

I kissed a girl....

2008-07-14T16:01:00.001-04:00

.......And I liked it. I hope my boyfriend don't mind it.

Or so the song goes.

However, when discussing this song with a couple of male friends of mine, I learned that while there may be this prevailing notion that most guys wouldn't mind, there is a limit to it.

For instance, one male friend of mine said that he's all for girls kissing other girls- as long as all the girls are single. To him, a girl should not be locking lips with anyone else if they are in a relationship.

Another male friend offered up an interesting take. He wouldn't mind if his girlfriend did it or even if he saw it. He said he would have a problem if his girlfriend kept harping on it like it was the best thing in the world. To him, that almost measured up to her talking about a guy. The only difference between the two, he said, is at least with the woman he would find it intriguing in the beginning.

So what do guys out there think of their girl kissing another girl? Does it turn you on? Does it freak you out? Would you care?

It's almost like you're invisible

2008-07-11T13:53:00.002-04:00

Among my girlfriends, there's one girl who always attracts the most attention. She's tall and blond (of course) and has a smile that knocks guys' socks off. She's always getting drinks bought for her and hugging or flirting with some cutie. It's just enough attention to make some of the rest of us a little jealous.

After all, we can't all be super-outgoing and beautiful. Sometimes when we would go out, I just wanted to yell, "HELLO! I'M STANDING HERE, TOO!"

Of course, the easy answer is to say that I should just be more flirtatious myself. Men pay attention to women who give them attention. But that's a heck of a lot easier said than done when that's not naturally your personality.

So that usually means those of us who aren't always the center of attention get stuck with two options that I can think of: 1. Suck it up and be more outgoing or 2. Quietly mope in a corner until your friend wants to go somewhere else.

Do you have one friend who always attracts the most attention from someone of the opposite sex? How do you deal with it?

When one can make a baby and the other can't

2008-07-10T17:24:00.000-04:00

A little while ago, a couple that I know informed that they were trying to have a baby with no success. After some testing, the woman in the couple learned that she was infertile while the guy learned that he was just fine.

While they are a couple in their late 20s, they have been married for a number of years. The guy is totally in love with his wife.

Nevertheless, the guy has no other family members and has always wanted blood relatives. The wife said she is willing to adopt, but he wants a blood child with his wife. He’s not even willing to talk about a surrogate.

In the long run, the wife said she fears eventual resentment or that he may find another woman who can have children. She does not understand why he can’t love an adopted child the same.

While there are plenty of people who adopt in this world and are able to love the child as their own, it is understandable that some people only want to care for offspring who are biologically connected to them.

Has anyone out there ever had to deal with this situation? Do you think it’s possible for a person to get over such a strong desire to have biological children? What effects could this have on the romantic relationship in the long run?

Does dating get better with age?

2008-07-09T19:08:00.003-04:00

Happy birthday to me!

I turned 25 on Monday, and now that I'm older it's time to see if I'm getting any wiser.

As we all grow and age, we take little lessons with us along the way. These are things that we learned the hard way, by trial and error and by observing those around us. Because of these lessons, dating -- like a good wine or cheese -- should only get better with age.

Here are some of my dating lessons, that I did indeed learn the hard way, and I hope to be a little bit wiser for them:

* Do not smother a man. Do not call him multiple times after you have already hung up with him once. That makes you look desperate.

* Do not wait around for someone to be "ready" to be in a relationship with you. If they're not "ready" when you are, they may never be.

* Stand tall and be confident. If you're not, fake it until you are. Confidence makes you more attractive.

* Do not dress like a skank. You will only attract jerks.

* Be wary about becoming overly attached to someone you talk to only online. The Internet can make some conversations seem more intimate and meaningful than they actually are.

* Be honest with yourself about when you need to break up with someone. Don't stay with someone hoping the relationship will get better. It usually doesn't.

What are some dating lessons you have learned over the years? Do you become a better dater with age or do you find yourself still making the same mistakes you did five, 10 years ago?

Can we make it better?

2008-07-08T15:44:00.000-04:00

It's been said over and over on here that Macon and Middle Georgia sucks when it comes to dating. We've asked for suggestions for what can be done around here to meet people with few suggestions. We've even discussed people traveling to other places to meet people.

I, for one, am one of those people. I love to travel to Atlanta because it just has a lot more options for meeting people.

One of my most recent obsessions was this event called PlayDate. Held about twice a month, a bunch of adults would gather in either a hotel ballroom or other large room and play various board games. I'm talking everything from Uno to Twister. It was a great way to meet people and you got to have fun without having to shout and get all sweaty in a club.

With gas prices, I'm not going up to Atlanta as much and have gotten to experience the Middle Georgia social scene which completely pales in comparison.

The way I figure it is there's a slight chance that someone with some money or entrepreneurial spirit reads this blog every once in awhile. Maybe this could be a venue to offer up ideas of events or places we would like to see in Macon.

Have you experienced good dating scenes elsewhere? What aspects of those dating scenes could be brought to Macon?

Being the bad guy

2008-07-07T09:59:00.002-04:00

No one wants to be the bad guy. No one wants to be the one to say, "This just isn't working," "It's just not the same between us anymore" or "I think we need to see other people." But at some point in an unfulfilling relationship, someone's going to have to initiate a break up. It's a fact of life.

Like most people, I have been broken up with and been the one doing the breaking up. One guy who broke up with me was less than direct. He just basically stopped calling and stopped returning my phone calls, and that was that. I think this is an unfair way to break up with someone. It gives the person being broken up with no closure and leaves them wondering just what went wrong. Because of this, I usually try to take the direct approach.

I usually try to tell the guy that the relationship just isn't working out, that I'm not feeling it anymore and it's time for us to part ways. I try to avoid trite phrases such as "We can still be friends," and "It's not you, it's me." That's just patronizing. I try to follow the Golden Rule when I break up with someone: Don't say or do anything that I wouldn't want someone to say or do to me.

That's not to say I have perfected the art of breaking up, and all of my exes walk away happy. Far from it. I've been called names, been accused of things I didn't do and been put down. But that sort of comes with the breaking up territory.

How do you go about breaking up with someone? Do you follow the direct or indirect approach? Do you have a key phrase that you try to use every time? Have you learned anything from people who have broken up with you?

The Fourth of July version of meeting the family

2008-07-03T16:48:00.002-04:00

I know we have touched on meeting the family during Thanksgiving and Christmas.

However, depending on your family, those holidays can be quite a difference from meeting them on a holiday like the 4th of July.

For one thing, at least with most families I know, those holidays tend to be more formal when holidays involving cookouts provide a different atmosphere. They are usually more laid-back and casual. And if your family drinks, more alcohol tends to find its way around summer events for some reason.

If your family is really cool and behaves well most of the time, this can be no problem. However, if you have that uncle who likes to flirt with every unrelated woman in the room after he has had enough beers or that aunt who tends to run off at the mouth, this can be problematic for you and a significant other.

Also when it comes to making a first impression, clothes are just typically a little more revealing in the summer and you have to deal with that fine line. In the winter, you have the cold encouraging you to be completely modest.

So, when you take your family into account, is the 4th of July a good time to bring a new SO around? Do you think it even matters?

By the way, have a safe and happy Fourth of July!

Would you move because of a bad dating scene?

2008-07-02T09:52:00.002-04:00

I've heard time and time again (and not just from people on this blog) that's there are no acceptable people to date in Macon. Although I would disagree with that absolute (obviously there are perfectly acceptable, single people who read this blog), I will agree that because Macon is not a major metropolis, dating choices can be a bit limited.

After all, Macon has a population of just under 100,000 people, compared to Atlanta, which has a population of more than 400,000 -- more than four times that of Macon. Common sense tells you that more singles on the dating scene leads to more acceptable people to date and therefore more dates in general. Of course, on the flip side, you do have more competition.

So I wonder how much influence a city's dating scene has when singles are trying to find a place to live. I know I didn't even take Macon's dating scene into consideration when I moved here. Quite frankly, I felt very lucky just to get a job. But for those of you who have the freedom to change jobs or cities, do you consider the dating scene before you move somewhere?

Would you ever move to a place because of its dating scene or not move there because of its lack of one? Furthermore, would you ever move from a city, like Macon, to a larger city because of its dating scene?

What about just dating outside of Macon? Does anyone live and work here during the week but hit up the Atlanta scene on the weekends?

When to take the anonymous out of secret admire

2008-07-01T18:26:00.002-04:00

In this great world of personal and social Web networks, we are also inundated with various tools to let someone know how you feel. Not only that, you can do it anonymously in some cases.

Particularly on Facebook, people can send you virtual gifts anonymously or write in your honesty box that they like you.

While I believe that this can be sweet in the beginning while someone musters up the nerve to say something, it also has the possibility of becoming annoying. If you get enough of these messages, it can also get a stalker feel to it, especially if it has details about your whereabouts during the day.

In the end, it leaves you with more questions than answers.

What do you think about this electronically sent anonymous messages of admiration? How long do you think someone should send such messages before revealing who they are?

Just file that under "creepy"

2008-06-30T17:53:00.005-04:00

Thanks, Gawker, for this gem:

Jezebel has the transcript.

I'm completely single, I'm very intelligent, I'm great in bed, I make great money. Believe it or not, I'm a complete catch.

Yeah. We'll believe the completely single part.

I hope this is fake for Olga's sake. What's the creepiest voicemail a guy or girl has ever left you?

If you still got it, you should still flaunt it

2008-06-27T16:21:00.002-04:00

Singer Beyonce sang an entire song on her last album about being upset with her guy, going to the back of her closet and finding that one dress that she know she looked good in. Then she went out to have fun with her girlfriends.

When it comes to relationships, I think we as women often find ourselves in a rut where we get too comfortable. If he's all right seeing us sit around the house in sweats and jeans, we figure we have nothing to prove.

It's very nice to have someone you can be your unapologetic self around. You don't have to worry about being out there in the streets competing with the rest of the women trying to get attention.

However, I think it is just as important to remind why he was physically attracted to you in the first place every once in awhile. Even my married friends say they notice a change in their guy's attitude when they decide to put on something flattering and go to a concert or a lounge with their girlfriends.

How important do you think it is to a relationship to make an effort to look extra good when going out? How often do you think it should be done? Or do you think once you've snagged a guy, it shouldn't matter?

The biggest risk you've taken for love

2008-06-26T13:53:00.000-04:00

The parents of one of my friends have a cute story about how they met. I heard the story years ago, so forgive me if my memory is a little foggy. But the gist of the story is this.

The pair was in gym class together in high school, and at the time my friend's mom was engaged to another man. I believe they were set to marry right after graduation. One day, my friend's dad approaches her and tells her that he could treat her better than her fiance ever could, if she would just give him a chance. She broke off the engagement. Not long after, my friend's parents married.

Asking out an already engaged woman was a gutsy move for my friend's dad, and it was a risky move for my friend's mom to accept. If I were already engaged to someone, I don't think I could even consider giving up the plans there already were in place for myself. If the new relationship didn't work out, my friend's mom also would have lost her old love. But sometimes, as in this case, taking a single risk produces a great reward. The couple has been married for around 25 years now, I believe.

What's the biggest risk you have ever taken for love? Have you ever gone after someone who was already taken? Has anyone approached you about leaving your current SO for them?

Tests are for STDs, classes and job placement, not relationships

2008-06-25T15:06:00.000-04:00

I personally hate when anyone does something "just to see how you would react", particularly when it comes to relationships.

I've been told by many people that I don't quite wear my emotions on my sleeve, on my face or anywhere else for that matter. It's just not my personality.

So, I've actually known guys who (and yes, guys do this) try to make me jealous to show that I care. In some instances, particularly when I was younger, I would react accordingly just for a guy to say something like "glad to see you care". As I get older, I can usually see through it and try to ignore it.

And of course, this behavior is not limited to guys. I've known plenty of girls who have danced with other guys or have another guy call them while they're with their real object of affection to get a rise out of the person.

In the end, I know actions speak louder than words, but the mere act of testing me to get me to act doesn't make me think too highly of a person.

So what do you think about administering tests to determine how someone feels about you? Have you ever tested someone? Has anyone ever tested you?

I'll follow you down (but not that far?)

2008-06-24T18:18:00.001-04:00

Rose is out, but she left the following for our loyal readers.

This post comes special to you from Washington, D.C. My travel buddies
(two friends and my boyfriend) and I walked down to the White House
Sunday night to see the home of our president. We stood at the wrought
iron fence, and my friends contemplated how far they could get before
the police stopped them if they jumped the fence. They didn't jump it.

Seeing the White House got me thinking about presidents' wives and how
they probably had to give up some of their own ambitions in order to
let their husbands follow theirs. Let's face it, when you're the
spouse of someone running for president, you throw yourself into that
activity. You're on the campaign trail, and you're putting a smile on
your face so that you look like the perfect couple and the perfect
family. Then, if your spouse is elected president, you take on all the
duties of being the First Lady (or, hey, maybe First Lad in the
future). Not that being the First Lady would be all that bad a gig,
but if you have another career you're working toward, it can be a
bummer to put it on hold.

This issue is not unique to the presidency. It can apply to anyone in
almost any career, whether you're a man or a woman. Nowadays, most
women have just as many goals and just as much drive as men. While in
the past, it may have been typical for a woman to follow a man on his
career path, that isn't necessarily the case anymore. Women aren't
likely to give up their own goals to follow their man's. For example,
I have my own goals I'd like to reach in journalism. My boyfriend has
his own goals he'd like to reach in his chosen field. Ideally, we'll
be able to keep working and living in the same city, but in these
tough economic times, that may not always be possible. If one of us
has to move, it's not a given that the other one will be able to
follow.

So how do you have a relationship without either of you giving up your
career goals? Do you just roll the dice and hope for the best? Or do
you make a plan, like I'll do this for you this time, and you do this
for me next time? Or do you follow your own path, and try to keep the
relationship even if it's over a long distance for an undetermined
amount of time?

Is there really such a thing as harmlessly flirting?

2008-06-23T15:57:00.001-04:00

Just this past weekend, I was hanging out with a married friend during an out-of-town trip.

Throughout our trip, we kept encountering guys, some we knew and some that we didn't know. And whenever we met these guys, she never mentioned that she was married even though you could tell that some of the guys were very interested.

However, she would do a lot of flirting and jokingly proposition some of the guys. She would make sexual jokes and lots of innuendo. And yes, she was sober.

But in the end, when the guys tried to make a final move or increasingly show his level of interest, she would state that she was harmlessly flirting. Of course, the guys didn't see it that way. They felt like they were led on.

Do you believe there is a such thing as harmless flirting when you are in a relationship? If so, how far do you think it should go?

Just 676 miles to go ...

2008-06-20T17:58:00.002-04:00

I'm leaving on a little vacation tomorrow to Washington, D.C. I've been to our nation's capital once, but it was for a conference, and I never really saw the outside of the hotel, so that's doesn't really count. I'll be traveling with two friends and my boyfriend. It should be some good times.

Obviously, traveling with friends and my boyfriend will be different than traveling with just my boyfriend. To save money, the four of us have opted to share one hotel room, so there won't really be a lot of private time. Plus, I'm sure our friends don't want to see us being all mushy the whole trip while they're trying to enjoy a vacation.

I don't think this will be an issue for us; I tend to believe that my BF and I exhibit an appropriate amount of PDA. However, with some couples, you can't help but to just yell: Get a room!

Have you ever traveled with a couple that couldn't keep their hands off each other? What did you do? If you're single, do you like traveling with couples or would you rather it be all singles? If you're in a couple, do you care whether you're traveling with singles or other couples?

Do first dates always flop?

2008-06-19T10:00:00.002-04:00

There's no such thing as a good first date, or so says my boyfriend.

His reasoning? Usually both people are so nervous that conversation's not that great. As a result, the pair ends up sitting there staring at each other in awkward silence wondering why there's nothing to say. Obviously, this doesn't hold true for people who begin dating after they have already developed a friendship. But it is the case for people who only know each other by acquaintance or who are on a blind date. In fact, it's for this reason, he says, that people despise blind dates. They're all awkward first dates, so of course they're awful, he says.

If you can't already tell, he believes a second date is a must in truly figuring out if you're compatible with someone.

Me on the other hand, I'm not so sure it's that cut and dry. While I agree that, yes, first dates are absolutely awkward, I don't agree that automatically translates to awful. Even with all the awkwardness, you still get clues about your attraction and chemistry with the other person. I've been on first dates that include smiles and laughs, alongside the nervous butterflies and sweaty palms. They definitely were not awful. To that end, if a first date sucks, most likely the guy's not getting a second chance.

Do believe all first dates are bad? What was the best/worst first date you've been on? Do you believe in giving second chances if a first date totally flopped?

Who knew divorce was a luxury?

2008-06-18T16:49:00.000-04:00

Just think. You and your spouse have come to the unfortunate conclusion that you just are not meant for one another. However, you are looking forward to some finality that comes with a divorce.

However, then gasoline prices went up along with groceries. And then the housing market started going drastically down,

This is the time when you look at your partner and say “maybe we should hold off on this divorce for a little while.”

Supposedly, more and more people are doing that in these hard economic times. More people are willing to seek counseling or just delay the inevitable.

I cannot say I don’t understand wanting to save money. However, I do wonder what lasting effects can come from remaining in a situation that has already been labeled as unhealthy.

Do you think if you were considering getting a divorce, you would let the economy dictate the timing? Do you think delaying such a decision results in more couples staying together in the long-run?

Technology: Helps or hinders intimacy?

2008-06-17T11:23:00.004-04:00

In past, during the Dark Ages before cell phones and the Internet, staying connected in a long distance relationship was a little more than challenging. Love letters -- the real kind, sent via the good 'ole U.S. Postal Service -- were the main means of communicating. Expensive long distance phone calls were special privileges, not a right.

Today, communicating long distance is much easier. E-mail, instant messaging, text messaging and cell phone service all help long distance couples stay in touch. Even at thousands of miles away, someone can still be at the tip of your fingers.

But with instant communication comes its own challenges. While we may appear to be in touch on the surface, how intimate are the conversations we're having when we don't cherish the time we have together? Old fashioned letters take time and thought to write. They reveal innermost thoughts much better than a text message with 160-word limit. Even e-mail doesn't compare. Seeing someone's own penmanship can be comforting with the knowledge that they wrote especially for you.

This is not to condemn modern technology. Even short love notes in a text can bring smiles to a day. But I wonder if somehow in bringing us closer together, technology also brings us further apart.

How do you use technology to communicate in your own relationships? Does technology help or hinder intimacy?

Laying on the love during a lay-off

2008-06-16T21:27:00.002-04:00

We all know we are living in some difficult economic times.

In the past couple of months, I've known a couple of people who have been laid off.

In one scenario, it's not really going that well. A female acquaintance of mine lost her job in banking and her fiancee has basically been torturing her since her last day on the job. On her first day of unemployment, he basically told her that she was pretty much of waste of space when she didn't have a job.

On the other hand, when one of my male friends was laid off from his factory job for a couple of months, his wife began doing event planning and various arts and crafts to support the home.

Obviously, the first scenario is an example of what I don't believe a significant other should do when you lose your job. That's not even tough love. That's just tough.

Losing your job is something that is usually unforeseen. As such, it should be handled with care. That being said, I don't think once you get past supporting the person, the way you handle your partner varies depending on the type of person. If you are dating the easily self-motivated, a few days of sitting around meditating (or crying) over the lost job is all right because they will usually get over it and start trying to move forward in a positive direction. However, if you are dating the complete opposite, you may want to purchase some books on resume writing over the course of the pity party.

If your mate were to come home and tell you they were laid off, what do you think you would do? What do you think is the best approach? Have you ever been in such a situation before?

How do you react to a break up?

2008-06-13T13:13:00.002-04:00

I know we're all adults here, but sometimes during a break up, even the most mature people can revert back to their middle school days.

From avoiding an ex to talking bad about them behind their back, break ups can cause seemingly normal adults to become catty and paranoid. Personally, I avoid my exes. It doesn't matter who did the breaking up. I can think of possibly nothing more awkward than running into an ex, pretending nothing happened and be like, "Dude, what's up?"

I have friends who will take no time in telling off the person who broke up with them. After I was wronged by one guy, one of my girlfriends offered (in jest, I'm sure) to slash his tires. Some people cry for days. Some decide to start completely anew and change their look. Others embark on ill-fated attempts to win their ex back.

Love -- and more often than not, lust -- can make people do some crazy things. I once hit an apple with a tennis racket and pretended it was a guy's head. (This was not my idea, but it was a therapeutic one. The apple went pretty far. Although it did not explode like I expected it to.)

How do you typically respond to a break up? What's the craziest thing you've ever done as a result of one?

Your S.O.: Can you leave home without them?

2008-06-12T17:30:00.000-04:00

While it feels like it’s already here, summer is quickly approaching. For those of us who are fortunate enough to not have our budgets completely obliterated by gas prices and groceries, that means a prime time to take a vacation. If you’re even luckier, you may get some extended time to take a vacation depending on your company’s policy or your life circumstances.

So you’ve decided that you want to head somewhere, whether it’s a locale with a music festival or a beautiful beach. Now, all you need to figure out is who to invite along?

If you’re in a serious relationship, this may appear to be an easy choice.. Some people would say you automatically invite or bring along your significant other. But what if you just want to hang out with your friends.

I’m a proponent of the location determines the tagalongs. If I’m going out of town for a music festival or shopping, I’m more inclined to go with my friends. If it’s a cruise or somewhere romantic, I’d probably bring my guy.

I’m also equal opportunity. If he wants to go to the biggest wrestling match ever held or Las Vegas for a fight, feel free to go with your buddies.

When you are planning a vacation, do you automatically assume your significant other will serve as your travel partner? Do you think it is wrong not to invite your significant other on a getaway? Do you feel that certain factors play a role in determining whether your significant other comes with you?

Playing games: A necessary evil?

2008-06-11T11:18:00.003-04:00

People play a lot of different games when it comes to dating. Some of those include:

* Playing hard to get;
* Always acting the part of the damsel in distress (for women);
* Purposely being a jerk because "women like that" (for men); and
* Waiting a certain amount of time before calling someone because that's what everyone believes is appropriate

Most of the time, playing games is viewed in a negative light. The argument against playing games is that they do nothing to foster open, honest discussion, and if you really like someone, you should just say so. Some games, like acting like the needy damsel in distress and acting like a big tough jerk, are almost sure to back fire when a person's true personality is revealed.

But dating games are so prevalent in our society, that I think some are almost necessary. For example, if you call a date too soon, the other person might think you're desperate. The same goes for unabashedly showing your interest (which would be the opposite of playing hard to get). Or worse, non-game playing could be misconstrued as playing some other twisted game, leading to questions like: Why is he showing that much interest? Is he a stalker? and Why is she calling me before I call her? Does she want to get married and have babies right away? It's amazing the things our over-analytical minds can think up.

So where's the balance? Somewhere between revealing all your feelings up front and sending mixed signals. I don't have the answers as to how you strike the balance. Lord knows, I've been way too aloof and way too needy to ruin some potential relationships myself. But it's something worth aiming toward.

Do you play games while dating? Have you ever dated a game player? Are dating games a necessary evil when courting someone? What would dating be like if no one played games, and everyone was honest with each other?

Breaking up with their family is hard to do

2008-06-10T17:22:00.001-04:00

So many times, you hear about people in relationships disliking their significant other’s family members for one reason or another.

But sometimes, a person is not only lucky enough to like their S.O.’s family members, but fall in love with them as well.

Which means it doubly sucks when you break up.

Not only are you breaking up with the significant other, but at some point you have to break up with their family.

This can be hard depending on the degree of closeness you formed with the family and the length of the relationship. If you were together for only two months, it’s probably a lot easier than if you were together for five years. Also, if you only saw the family members when you were dropping them off, it’s probably easier than if you spent every holiday at their home or ventured out on family trips.

I was once in a long-term relationship and after, we broke up, I kept in contact with the guy’s grandmother for a while because we had grown close. However, I realized after awhile that it was detrimental to her trying to build a relationship with anybody else he dated. And it didn’t help hearing her insult every new girlfriend that came along. It just didn’t seem healthy.

Do you think it is right to maintain contact with an ex’s family? If so, what should be the extent of the contact?

Is dating still relevant?

2008-06-09T09:47:00.004-04:00

I couldn't tell you what was the first date my boyfriend and I went on.

It could have been Christmas tree shopping. Or it could have been the movie we watched later that night. Or maybe it was a couple days later when we went on a picnic near the Ocmulgee River.

It's hard to distinguish because we never had that defined date moment where boy asks girl, "Will you go out with me?" Instead, we saw each other casually as our two groups of friends began to overlap. Then we started texting each other. I asked if he wanted to go to Wal-Mart to pick out a Christmas tree with me. Then he asked if I wanted to watch a movie later that night. And from there we started "dating," but it more closely resembled hanging out than the traditional meaning of the word might imply.

I don't think I'm the only one who has ever moved into this dating gray area. And it's bound to happen more often as more men and women start dating people they know as friends. One minute you're hanging out, and the next you're making out. What happened to the date? I don't know for sure, but I have one idea.

Technology. I mentioned that before we started dating, my boyfriend and I texted each other, and we also sent messages on Facebook. This casual form of interacting takes away all the pressure of asking someone out on an official date. Flirting is easy when you can't see the other person's reaction. So instead of saying, "Do you want to go out Friday night," you say something like I did: "I'm gonna buy a Christmas tree in a minute. Wanna come?" He says yes, and there is instant gratification. There's no time to worry about picking out the right clothes or fretting that he'll show up on time, two attributes of the traditional date. You just do it, and move on to the next thing you enjoy.

Do you agree about the decline of the traditional date? Is dating still relevant today? Are we more likely to hang out and make out rather than set up a date at a specified time and place?

I'm not staying with you and him

2008-06-05T16:50:00.000-04:00

I tend to like to travel and visit my friends quite a bit.

However, as I get older, more and more of my friends are living with their boyfriends.

When I visit my single friends, I tend to crash on their couch or futon. However, when it comes to cohabitating friends, I tend to opt for a hotel or other accommodations,

Recently, I was questioned about this by one of my friends who lives in Atlanta. When she was single, I stayed over whenever I could. Now that her boyfriend lives there, I come over and we hang out. Then I leave.

She got worried that I didn’t like her boyfriend (which is not the case). I just don’t feel it’s respectful for me as a single woman to stay with her and her boyfriend. I also feel that it would bring about a lack of comfort because I would probably worry about things I shouldn’t even give a second thought.

When it was just her, there were no questions of pajamas being too revealing or saying the wrong thing. But that changes when you throw him in.

What do you think about a single woman staying with her friend and boyfriend?

Woo me, please!

2008-06-04T14:01:00.003-04:00

After a year-and-a-half of dating, my boyfriend and I are solidly in the comfortable stage of our relationship. In some ways it's nice. We don't have to try to impress each other, so I can just lounge around in my PJs with no make-up on. We have a routine in which we take turns making dinners for each other of Hamburger Helper and various pastas (neither of us are great chefs).

But it's those same things that make the comfortable stage so great that also make the comfortable stage so ... boring. Most of our time alone revolves around renting movies at our apartment, which is fun, just not all the time. Plus, it's really hard to do the whole "pick me up for a date" shtick when we both get ready in the same apartment.

Over the weekend the BF, and I talked about this and agreed that we would make more of an effort to do date nights on a regular basis. Despite our mutual hatred of movie theater prices, we'll take time to go see movies that really spark our interest. I think we're going to head out to Starcadia one weekend for fun, too.

For my boyfriend, the comfort zone is the place to be, and he relishes in it. For me, and I think many other women, I still want to be wooed every now and then. Maybe some flowers would be nice, too.

Do you think men and women view the comfort zone differently? How can you keep a relationship fresh once you enter the comfort zone?

I know your intentions are good...

2008-06-03T13:12:00.001-04:00

But seriously I am doing O.K. by myself.

Since I moved to middle Georgia, I have found myself surrounded by married women or women who are in good relationships. And that’s all well and good- for them. And they want me to be just like them.

My dating luck in middle Georgia really hasn’t been all that great. I’ve been out a few times here and there, but the chemistry was just never right.

So my friends who are very happy in their situations are constantly trying to hook me up whether it’s their sons, brothers, guys at their church or guys at their jobs.

The interesting thing is I have a male friend who has the same problem among his male friends. He’s the only completely single guy and they’re trying to get him to settle down.

Our groups of friends often intermingle so of course they have decided that the solution is to try to bring the guy and myself together. He and I have discussed this and it’s just a no-go. But we’re still friends.

So we both find ourselves trying to get our friends off of our backs.

Have you ever been in the situation where your well-meaning friends kept trying to hook you up? How do you go about handling it?

Sex & the City's influence on dating

2008-06-02T18:00:00.004-04:00

The Sex and the City movie that debuted this past weekend was wildly popular with women, and it showed at the box office. Perhaps one reason for its popularity is the effect the four lovely chicas have had on not only their fictional relationships but our own.

A survey conducted by the dating blog Engage, has found that eight out of 10 singles believe that Sex and the City "made it more acceptable for women to have fun dating and worry less about finding a committed relationship."

In addition, 43 percent of singles said the HBO series and movie made it more acceptable for women to be unfaithful, and 52 percent said it influenced their dating life.

Now, I've seen the show (although not all of it), and I plan to see the movie. Although I have had some bones to pick with SATC, I will agree with the statement about the show making it more acceptable for women to have fun dating. There are so many double standards when it comes to women and dating. Generally, women who assert themselves are viewed in a negative light, while some of those very same assertions made by a man would be viewed as positive.

I'm not advocating all of the women's actions. Quite frankly, I think both women and men can cross the line into inappropriateness and promiscuity sometimes. But I do think the show gave women greater confidence and equality. It showed that world that it's OK to be an assertive woman that can ask for -- and get -- what she wants.

Do you think Sex and the City has influenced modern dating? What about your own personal dating style? Which of the characters best represents your dating personality?

Pregnant while dating

2008-05-30T14:56:00.000-04:00

When it comes to dating, you should expect surprises here and there.

However, there are some surprises you can never be prepared for- like finding out the guy you’re dating has a child on the way.

I’ve actually known more than one person who has been in that situation throughout my life- whether it was something known from the beginning or it was something that the potential father learned while pursuing another relationship.

In cases where the guy decided to play an active role in the child’s life and the new girlfriend embraced it or moved on. I’ve also seen, sadly, situations where the guy decided to have nothing to do with the child and move on with his new relationship as if nothing happened.

I honestly don’t know what I would do because it’s so far from being a cut and dry situation. There so many factors at play such as how did he get into the situation and the way he handled himself.

Do you think that you could date a man who has a child on the way with another woman? Are there any guys out there who have ever been in the situation where they were preparing to become a father while dating other women? How do you handle such a situation?

Summer lovin'

2008-05-29T19:16:00.004-04:00

Perhaps my favorite thing about summer flings is that they have a built in expiration date. There are no expectations about your future couple hood, and as the summer winds down so does your relationship. That's how it's supposed to be. It's called a "fling" for a reason.

Summer flings usually are passionate affairs that move quickly as both parties recognize the ticking clock on their newfound relationship. Perhaps one of you is on vacation, and you only have a few short, but undeniably sweet, weeks together. Perhaps one of you is going off to graduate school in the fall, changing jobs or preparing to be more career oriented come September. Whatever the reason, the couple can be sure to make a clean break come fall, provided they both follow the rules of a summer fling.

1. Throw your dating requirements out the window. So what if the guy lives a little bit on the edge and doesn't have a real job? You two will part in September, and you'll be able continue on with your higher expectations with even more zealous then.

2. Don't plan for the future. Planning to see each other after the summer just complicates a summer fling and sucks the life out of your last few weeks together.

3. Allow yourself to get that giddy crush feeling you used to get in high school. It's healthy and will give you a new zest for dating.

4. Play it safe. Although the above rules sounds loosy-goosy, don't throw safety out the window. Practice safe sex, if you have it, and don't let any one mistreat you.

Do you have any additional rules to add to the list?

Can you just not do it?

2008-05-28T16:27:00.000-04:00

Let’s say that you’re a sexually active 20-something year old woman and you begin a pleasant relationship with a guy. Everything is going great. You have great conversations. He understands you. He appears invested in your happiness.

It gets to be about two months down the line and the two of you have been very slow about establishing physical intimacy. In the middle of one of your great conversations, you learn that he is celibate and has been so for several years.

This happened recently to someone that I know. And she was taken aback in the beginning to say the least.

However, she got over it and decided to continue to let the relationship blossom with the guy. She does have her tempting moments, but she determined that good company over the long term is worth more than a moment of physical pleasure.

While I’m not exactly sure what I would have done in that situation, I think that if you’re sexually active, you should not be in a relationship with a celibate person if you don’t have the willpower. That could lead to infidelity or motivating, or forcing, the other person to give in and give up their willpower. And that would not be a good look.

What do you think of a sexually active person dating a celibate person? Do you think it could work? Are you a sexually active person who has tried to date a celibate person? Did that work out for you?

Love without marriage

2008-05-27T16:43:00.003-04:00

The usual order of a relationship is as follows: Fall in love, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. But nowadays, more and more couples are opting out of the "get married" part of the equation.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are an example of two well-known people in a committed, yet non-marriage relationship, but the trend is not limited to celebrities.

Around 5 million U.S. households were occupied by unmarried couples of the opposite sex, according to a 2006 U.S. Census report. That's up from 3.4 million in 1999, according to another Census report.

So why are some people opting out of marriage? There are social, political and romantic reasons.

Actor Brad Pitt told Esquire magazine in October 2006 that he and actress Angelina Jolie -- with whom he is raising four children -- have declined to consider marriage until same-sex couples have the right to wed.

Partners choose not to marry for other reasons. (Alison) Hatch, whose dissertation examined 48 committed heterosexual couples choosing to not pursue legal marriage, has spoken to people who feel marriage is a patriarchal institution. Some are against the intertwining of church and state in marriage. There also are emotional reasons why committed couples choose to stay unwed.

"I think that a lot of people like the kind of organic nature that your relationship takes on when you decide not to marry," says Julie Bluhm, 31, a Minneapolis, Minnesota-based clinical social worker and a board member of the Alternatives to Marriage Project, a national nonprofit organization advocating equality for unmarried people. "It's almost a deeper appreciation of their relationship and the privacy of it."

What do you think about long-term relationships without marriage? Are you or anyone you know in such a relationship? Why might it work? Why might it not work? Is a committed, marriage-less relationship something you would consider? What if your partner wanted to wed and you didn't? Or, what if you wanted to wed and your partner didn't? What would you do?

You're too pretty for me to date

2008-05-23T17:23:00.002-04:00

I have a friend who refuses to date pretty boys

Her reasoning is that when you date someone that attractive, you will always have to face a greater amount of competition from other girls who are trying to replace you.

Furthermore, she will argue that she doesn’t consider herself to be a pretty girl. So in the one instance where she did date a “pretty boy”, she often felt inferior around girls she felt were more attractive. And she was always concerned that he would cheat on her with one of them.

In my experience, I’ve been out with everything from guys that were deemed really attractive by most females and guys who simply weren’t. When it came right down to it, I can pretty much say they all had at least one other woman who wanted them.

So fearing that someone else will want them is not a good reason to rule someone out. However, if your self-esteem can’t take dating someone that you think everyone wants, maybe you shouldn’t date them.

Would you date someone who you deemed significantly more attractive than you? Have you ever dated you considered that attractive and how did it go?

Waiting for him to come around

2008-05-22T11:00:00.002-04:00

Back in college, there was this guy that I really wanted to go out with. We were friends, and for various reasons he said he was interested in me but wasn't ready for a relationship. Stupidly, I said I would wait for him. And as you probably have guessed by now, he never came around.

I see now that his telling me that he wasn't "ready" for a relationship really meant that he just wasn't that into me. (Thanks, Greg and Liz.) I'm pretty sure my friends knew this but were too nice to tell me. But at the time, I couldn't see that, and I held out hope that when he was "ready" we would be together.

So I waited. And waited. And waited. And, whoops! He got a girlfriend all right, but it just wasn't me.

Pain and heartache followed, and it all could have been avoided (or at least dealt with months earlier) if I had just decided to move on and not wait around for someone who wasn't going to be there later. Ruined the friendship, too. That was a bummer.

Has anyone else told anyone they would wait for them? How did that turn out? Has someone told you they would wait for you? What did you think about that? Is waiting for someone ever a good idea? I'm inclined to say no, but I could be wrong.

Tattoos

2008-05-21T17:30:00.003-04:00

When it comes to romantic relationships, I'm all for expressing your love for your significant other.

However, when it comes to tattoos, I just cannot advocate the effort.

Mind you, I do have a tattoo and I remember everything about the day, from where I went to who went with me to what I ate before I got it.

So when I hear of people going to the tattoo shop together to get matching tattoos, especially those who have only been in a relationship for a short time, I cringe a little. That's because I know that if the relationship ends, the tattoo will be a constant reminder of a failed relationship.

Worse yet are those who get the person's image or names inked on them. You will never be able to forget the person if the relationship ends. And just imagine explaining it to future significant others. I'm certain it is a bit of a turn-off.

My thing is, for the most part, tattoos are permanent. Relationships rarely are.

What do you think of getting tattoos with your partner or with your partner's names on it? Have you ever done it? Do you regret it? Do you think it matters whether or not you are married to the person?

Is the economy hurting your love life?

2008-05-20T15:59:00.002-04:00

It is sad when the economy is hurting the dating scene, and I truly think it is. Raven already mentioned how long-distance couples are seeing each other less because of gas prices, and now we're looking for cheaper dates too.

My boyfriend and I are definitely feeling the pinch on our wallets when it comes to going out. Trips to Atlanta are more infrequent and carefully considered and planned. We used to have lunch together at a restaurant once a week on a regular basis, and that's all but stopped completely. Even simple things, like going out and shooting some pool, have been scaled back. With rising gas prices and rising — well — everything else, we just can't afford to do these things at the same frequency anymore.

As a result, we look for cheap things to do with our time. This usually includes renting movies, cooking dinner for each other and going to the pool. Still fun, but definitely more thrifty.

Has the economy affected how you plan your dates? Have you changed plans in order to save money? What are some ways you save money when dating?

Do you think this affects you more if you are single? Obviously, those who are in a relationship already have a date, they just need something cheap to do. Singles often spend money to get a date (in a non-prostitute sort of way, get your head out of the gutter), such as going out to a bar and buying drinks or generally being social and out in public.

"I do" at a later date

2008-05-19T15:22:00.000-04:00

This year, I’m scheduled to be in one wedding and attend two more.

The bright side of all of these weddings is that the bride and groom need not worry about the other person backing out. Why, you may ask?

Because all of these couples are already married.

One couple got married three years ago and didn’t want to have the big event until the bride finished getting her second degree. The second couple got married prior to the groom’s deployment overseas. The third couple just wanted to get married and figured they wanted the ceremony after they saved up enough money.

The one thing I must admit that I like about going to weddings for married couples is the reassurance that a wedding will likely take place. I’ve seen enough called-off engagements happen up to just three weeks before the wedding. So forgive me if skepticism sets in when I open the engraved invitation in my mailbox.

However, one of my acquaintances says having a bigger ceremony down the line is being selfish. To him, it’s just a waste of time considering the action has taken place already.

What do you think of couples who wait to have the ceremony after they have gotten married? When a couple has been married for awhile, do you believe it makes the event any less significant?

Debt = Deal Breaker

2008-05-16T09:44:00.002-04:00

We've talked before about dating people with high incomes versus low incomes and vice versa. For me, and I think I've said this before, dating someone with a low income is not a definite deal breaker. Dating someone with debt, however, is.

And I'm not talking about someone who has a normal amount of debt that they pay off on a regular basis, such as a financed car or a mortgage on a house. I'm talking about the people who never pay off their credit cards, always pay the minimum payment and already are piling on the debt with no end in sight.

This is a deal breaker. Part of the reason is because debt scares me. But mostly it's because I know this means that we have different spending habits, and I would be unable to live with his.

With the tough economy we're in right now, it can be rough trying to stay within a budget and control spending. For me, it means eating out less and cutting down on other purchases, like clothes, that I would like but don't necessarily need. For others, it means pulling out the plastic.

Here are three sobering statistics:

* About 43% of American families spend more than they earn each year.
* Average households carry some $8,000 in credit card debt.
* Personal bankruptcies have doubled in the past decade.

This means a whole lot of people in the dating pool have a whole lotta debt.

Is debt a deal breaker for you? If so, why? If not, what amount of debt would you accept? If you have a lot of debt, has it ever affected your dating relationships? Is it fair to judge someone based on the about of money they owe?

Fueling up for love

2008-05-15T18:28:00.003-04:00

Here's a funny comment I recently overheard while out at a restaurant in Macon: I'm not going out with her. She lives in Perry. You have to think about gas prices here.

I had to keep my chuckle to myself. But it wasn't the first time I heard such a comment.

As it stands right now, gas prices are going up and show no signs of going down no matter how hard you wish, pray or swear to sacrifice your first born. And it has found a way to take a toll on all facets of life, including relationships.

Slowly, but surely, my friends who are in long-distance relationships have seen the number of visits from their significant others dwindle to about half. Though my friends are not happy, they understand.

Has gas prices had any effect on your long distance relationship? Does it play a role when you are considering dating someone who is not right around the corner?

Not quite perfect

2008-05-14T17:20:00.002-04:00

As I get older and more realistic about life and men, I realize that nothing nor no one is 100 percent perfect (myself included).

This means that no man will live up to my ridiculously high standards that were created by the movies. This means that I will have to accept flaws in men and love them anyway.

It's OK if he doesn't clean as well as I would like, if his eyes aren't the right color or he's not tall enough. It's also OK if we don't like all the same music, movies and television shows. These things are ancillary. Of course you need some common ground, but liking all the same things is not necessary.

This does not mean that I will lower my standards. The most important criteria in a man will still stand: must be employed, must be loving and caring, must be good with children.

I'm sure a lot of you have come to this realization already. What I'm wondering is: what is an adequate amount of living up to someone's standards of a perfect guy or girl? Is it as high as 95 percent perfect, or as low as 60 percent perfect? How far up on your list of perfect does a guy or girl have to reach for that person to be considered perfect for you?

The rules to calling

2008-05-13T16:04:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, I was reminded of one of my greatest pet peeves about dating.

While I was hanging out Saturday night, I ran into this guy I had met at an earlier event. He seemed like a pretty nice guy. We danced a little and he asked for my number. I gave it to him.

By the time I got home that night, he had left me a voicemail and found me to add as a friend on Facebook. And all of this was before I went to bed. I was a little taken aback by the whole timing.

When I give my number out at night, I definitely don’t expect to hear from the guy earlier than the next day. If it’s any earlier than that, I’m likely to think you’re either desperate or you want something from me.

My general rule when I just met a guy and give him my number is not to talk to him the next day. However, I know I have friends who have their own rules for when they should receive a call which range anywhere between 24 hours and three days.

When it comes to giving out your number, how much time do you believe should go by before you receive a call?

Drinking and dating

2008-05-12T19:05:00.003-04:00

It's a known fact that alcohol lowers our inhibitions, and many of us will imbibe in a glass or two during a first, second or third date to lessen our nerves. In fact, one drink or two can actually enhance a date early on when the result is increased flirtation and coy looks in the other person's direction. Nervous hand wringing can be abolished and may actually lead to holding hands!

Too many drinks, though, may be a date's downfall. Several drinks means looser lips that may share facts that the relationship is not ready for. These may include, but are not limited to: how many people you've slept with, what you want to name your future children, or the fact that you are not actually over your ex. Such revelations may turn your date off and may stop the relationship right it in tracks.

Drink even more, and you are sure to run into deal breakers. These include, but, again, are not limited to: vomiting, passing out, being generally disgusting or flirting with other people. Date. Is. Over. For. Sure.

Do you choose to drink on a date? Has alcohol ever played a significant role in your dates? Did it give you the courage to say something that you would have been unable to say sober? Did you do something ridiculous that you later regretted? What have some of your dates done under the influence of alcohol?

“I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now.”

2008-05-09T16:23:00.001-04:00

These words have slashed a tiny wound into many women’s (and some men’s) hearts.

The uttering of these words usually come during a conversation about where a situation is going (hopefully not within the first 24 hours because that just seems desperate).

Once they come out, the other party must decide which direction to follow.

For those who want the more serious path, the likely path is to remove yourself from the situation. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to achieve the same goal.

Then there’s what I consider the cruelest road. This road is where the listening party decides that the person who made the statement doesn’t know what they want. In their minds, the other person actually wants the relationship but just needs someone to tell them and show them. More than likely, this type of pressure will lead to a person’s desire for a relationship to diminish.

Then there’s what I consider the middle ground- the wait and see approach. With a great amount of patience, you stick around because obviously this person must be cool because you deemed them worth of becoming a significant other. It could blossom into a relationship, a friendship or just a season in your life.

Have you ever heard this statement and how did you react? What do you think is the appropriate way to react?

Single or not?

2008-05-08T16:03:00.003-04:00

Before asking anyone out, it's important to determine if your person of interest is single. While this is not necessary (surely the person will inform you once you do the asking), knowing the person's status in advance can spare some potential embarrassment. Of course, this can be easier said than done.

Eliminating married men and women is a pretty straightforward task. A ring on the left ring finger is a pretty sure sign that someone is taken. Now, if there's no ring, the task becomes tougher, especially if you only know the person in a casual setting and share no friends.

If you come straight out and ask if the person is single, that's a pretty sure sign that you're interested, and you might as well have just asked the person out anyway. For those not so bold, there are some other options. You could ask a co-worker or someone who knows the person well. Of course, then you might run into the chance that the person you ask tells the object of your affection that you're asking about them.

Another option is to work it somehow into conversation. For instance you could ask if she and her boyfriend (or he and his girlfriend) have plans for this weekend. A simple "no," means she probably has a boyfriend. But if there is no one in the picture, she may clarify that no, she doesn't have a boyfriend. Or you could talk about a movie that's coming out and say, "Oh, I bet you and your significant other would love that!" Again, if there's no SO, the person will probably clarify.

There are other more discreet ways as well. You can look for the person on Facebook or MySpace, or you can google the person and see what comes up.

What are the best methods you have for finding out if someone is single? Do you usually take the straightforward or the discreet route?

The fine art of dating a southern gentleman

2008-05-07T17:39:00.002-04:00

When it comes to attracting a man below the Mason-Dixie line, it supposedly requires a certain level of finesse.

MSN.com posted an article detailing the way to woo a man of the South.

It listed the following rules as the way to get into a man's heart:

1) Talk to the guy about his special skill set.

2) Acknowledge the major role his mother plays in his life.

3) Act like a lady.

4) Embrace southern culture.

5) Don't criticize his family.

6) Understand that the southern man has a soft interior.

I thought some of these tips were good for not just dating southern men, but men of all cultures. What man doesn't want a lady who is actually interested in the things he cares about?

What do you think of these suggestions? Do you think they only apply to men from the South? Are there some other tips you would suggest for dating southern men?

From crush to dud

2008-05-06T09:38:00.002-04:00

Crushes can be pretty intense. They get you all tangled up in your words and and your steps, and all you want to do is be around the other person who makes you all giddy inside. That can be a great feeling.

And when you finally get up the nerve to confess your feelings to your crush and you lean in for that first magical kiss, it's like you two are the only ones there. You can feel your heart beating inside your chest, your hands are clammy and each touch feels like something new. This moment is often the ultimate fulfillment that you've longed for.

Except when it's not.

Instead of feelings to bliss, you feel — well — nothing. You think your breath might smell, or is that his? And her lips are so ... lip-like. No spark. No chemistry. No wham-bam. Nada. Awkward.

Then following the let down that your crush was not the person you expected them to be, you have to come to the realization that you just wasted the last x-amount of time in your life pining over something who makes you feel like you're kissing your sibling. Blah.

Have you ever had an experience where a crush didn't turn out the way you wanted it to? Was there a time when you thought you were falling head over heels only to learn that the math didn't add up? How long were you crushed? How did you find out there was no chemistry? What did you do to recover?

How effective is tit-for-tat?

2008-05-05T13:12:00.000-04:00

Recently two of my friends were in very similar situations where their guys were hanging out at levels they deemed unacceptable. Both of these friends have children and were, of course, at home.

And they both came up with the same solution: Retaliation by reciprocity, They both figured that they would go hang out into to the wee hours of the night while their significant others stayed at home with the kids. Then, their guys could experience the same feelings as them.

As far as I know, neither one of them has gotten the opportunity to put their plan to work.

Part of me takes issue with this because I figure it’s better to just communicate when you are upset rather than “act out”. But then again, there are some people who just won’t listen and need some form of demonstration. But if you are going to opt for action, I believe it should be a last resort after communication attempts have failed.

What do you think of retaliating through reciprocity? Do you consider it effective? Do you think there are better alternatives?

First date questions

2008-05-02T10:12:00.005-04:00

First dates can be so awkward sometimes. If you've ever run out of something to say on a date, msn.com suggests asking these five questions:

1. What's your favorite scene from your favorite book or movie?

2. What do you love about your job?

3. What's your definition of a relationship?

4. If money were no object, what would you do with your life?

5. Will you share an embarrassing moment with me?

These questions get at the root of what first date questions should be doing: revealing your date's taste and values without being too personal, according to the article.

I've never really had a certain list of questions I felt I needed to ask a date, aside from the usual career and career goal type questions. But I can see how going into a date with revealing questions could help weed out poor matches a lot quicker.

Do any of you have a question or questions you make sure to always ask your date to gauge your compatibility? What are they? What does your question reveal about the other person?

Protocol for dating a friend's ex

2008-05-01T17:52:00.003-04:00

O.K. Dating an ex or someone that a friend has dated has already been acknowledged in this blog as a touchy subject.

Nevertheless, it does happen. And when it happens, it should be handled carefully. I know some people who think that you should ask the friend's permission before going down that road.

I believe that when it comes to dating an ex of a friend, the friend should at least be put on notice that you are pursuing the person. There is nothing worse than finding out from somebody else. Depending on what type of person you are, your friend's reaction may cause you to change course or you will just move on no matter what is said.

How do you believe dating an ex of a friend should be handled? Do you believe you should ask for permission? Do you believe the friend should know before?

What's your relationship style?

2008-04-30T16:43:00.002-04:00

Everyone has a different relationship style and starts out a relationship in a different way. There are people who play games, people who get attached at the hip and people who play it aloof.

In my most recent relationship, I qualified as the attached at the hip type of person. I know it's probably gag-worthy to the rest of you, but when my boyfriend and I first started dating, we just couldn't get enough of each other. We called each other every day, saw each other every day and hung out whenever it was possible. After only a few months in, we had long standing dates to meet each other for dinner nearly every night, not necessarily going out, but having one of us cook for the other person. I'm still amazed that to this day we still haven't gotten sick of each other.

A few of my friends have had the complete opposite experience. When they first started dating their boyfriends, they lived in different cities, so they rarely saw each other. They had lots of space, and lots of room to breathe. Post-college, the couples were able to move in together. One of the women has remarked that she can't imagine what it would have been like seeing her boyfriend every day early on in the relationship.

What's your relationship style? Do you prefer to be around your new beau all the time or do you prefer to have plenty of alone time? I think most people would agree that a happy medium between frequent and infrequent is best, but how do you reach that point? Have you ever been around someone too much, and you just became sick of them?

Avoiding "friend zonification"

2008-04-29T16:19:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, one of my male friends was venting to me about how he couldn't seem to avoid "friend zonification"- his words, not mine.

See, every time he meets a girl, he always goes out of his way to be nice to the girl. He'll listen to whatever she wants to talk about. He'll consistently do favors for her with the thought process that he is becoming a contender for a romantic interest. The problem comes when she starts telling him about a guy that she is interested in or she pops up with a boyfriend out of the blue.

My only advice to him was that after he got to know these girls was to let them know that he is pursuing the friendship in the hopes of something more. I also told him it would be wise to do this before she feels free to talk to him about other guys. Though, it won't completely avoid being placed in the "friend zone," it also allows the girl to know where he stands.

What is your advice for a guy to avoid being placed in friend zone? Do you think there is any foolproof way to keep this from happening?

Simple and sweet

2008-04-28T13:24:00.003-04:00

I attended my first wedding of the season this past weekend in Michigan. My cousin and his fiance wed at a cute little bed and breakfast out in the country, and the ceremony was quite lovely.

During the ceremony, the minister gave a recitation in addition to the usual wedding vows. He included a few simple phrases that all of us should remember to say, but probably too often forget:

I was wrong.
I'm sorry.
Will you forgive me?
I won't do it again.

The fourth phrase is probably the hardest, but if we can remember these words, our relationships will be for the better, the minister said. Remember, you have to mean the words when you say them.

Sometimes the simplest things are the easiest to forget. What are some other words of wisdom that many people too often forget?

Wearing you down

2008-04-25T17:37:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite shows coming up as a child was "Family Matters", particularly when watching Steve Urkel pursue Laura unsuccessfully and endlessly for years. She had no interest in him whatsoever. She found him annoying and unattractive. Then, one day, he got her after years of determination.

When it comes to reality, it's definitely possible to not be romantically attracted to someone at all when you first meet them even though they think they are head over heels falling for you.

Now, if you're bold, you may tell them to get out of your face and that's the end of it. However, if you're not so bold or you have to be around them for some reason, they may continue with their persistence. This provides a chance for you to get to know them and that's where you may slip up and realize they are not as unattractive as you first thought. One day, you could find yourself liking them or, as is often the case, the second they stop pursuit, you begin to miss it.

Has somebody ever worn you down? How did they do it? Have you ever worn someone else down?

Georgia's own star-crossed lovers

2008-04-24T10:52:00.003-04:00

There's a new story of star-crossed lovers brewing in Georgia.

State transportation board chairman Ben Evans stepped down from his position last week because of a romantic relationship with his supervisor, board commissioner Gena Abraham. Obviously, dating someone who oversees you is a big no-no is almost all workplaces.

We've touched on the topic of dating in the workplace several times, but I think this story brings a slew of new questions to light regarding romantic and workplace relationships that are either against company policy or may involve a conflict of interest.

Specifically, at what point does a developing relationship become something worth telling about? Is it when the couple meets for coffee and gets to know each other for the first time? Is it after the third date? Is it after they sleep together?

Relationships always have been hard to define because they develop over time. Most people exploring a relationship don't even really know if they're in one until they have the big establishing the relationship talk. You spend time together as friends and then one person may develop romantic feelings. You don't automatically know if the other person likes you back, and there's a lot of awkwardness going on there.

Once you have determined you are in a romantic relationship, and you need to tell your employer (because of aforementioned company policy or conflict of interest), how do you decide whether the relationship is worth continuing, or in Evans' case, worth your job?

Would you be prepared to give up your job for someone that you only recently have become romantic with? That is a tall order.

Such is the complexity of workplace relationships, which is why I say try to avoid them altogether. Your thoughts?

The one or one of many?

2008-04-23T17:26:00.005-04:00

I'm going to get philosophical on you today, so put on your thinking caps.

I've often wondered if there really is only one person for each of us, or if there are several people with whom we are capable of falling in love and living happy, content lives.

Let's look at "the one" theory first. Certainly, this is the most romantic of the theories. There are 6.6 billion people in the world (and counting), so if you're lucky enough find that one person who's right for you, that's really something special. One the other hand, that also means you only have a minuscule chance of finding your soul mate. "The one" theory maintains that another person is your other half, and without that person, you are not complete. This theory is perpetuated in Hollywood with quotes, like the one from Jerry Maguire: "You complete me." Classic.

Now onto what I'll call "the one of many" theory. This theory states that there is not just one person in this big, big world for you, no; there are actually several people who you can love and cherish and lead a great life with. It's definitely the most reasonable, the idea that you can be compatible with many people. But it also can be mind boggling. How could your life change if you chose one lover over another potential lover? This theory is more commonly found in real life, as widows and widowers find they are able to find love again after the death of a spouse.

The practical side of me wants to stick up for "the one of many theory." But my romantic side wants to believe I've found "the one."

What do you think? Is there such thing as "the one?" If so, how do you know you've found it?

"Not tonight dear, I'm on deadline"

2008-04-22T19:14:00.002-04:00

The title to this blog is one of the best things I've ever seen on a t-shirt related to my profession.

Journalism, like so many other careers, demands a lot of your time. When it comes to building relationships, it also demands a lot of patience and understanding from the person you are dating.

For instance, there have been times when I thought my work schedule was all set for the day only for news to break at like 5:55 p.m. That meant if I had plans to meet someone after work, either a delay or a reschedule was necessary. Sometimes the date was understanding, sometimes they decided to look elsewhere because my schedule did not match theirs.

I have friends who work in other project-oriented and deadline-oriented professions such as architecture and accounting who echo the same sentiments. They have days where they work late into the night and people who they are dating aren't quite understanding.

Now, I know it's usually easier if you date someone with similar demands from their job or profession, but you can't always help it if you are attracted to someone with a set work schedule.

For those with successful relationships and demanding professions, how were you able to balance the two? How do you get your partner to understand the demands of your profession?

Leaving the bachelor pad

2008-04-21T10:13:00.002-04:00

My boyfriend and I moved into an apartment together this weekend, and when all the heavy lifting was finally complete, we went to Wal-Mart for some post-move items.

While we were there, my boyfriend bought some kind of dwarf tree. I don't remember the exact kind, but the kind with big green leaves that you typically see in the corner of someone's living room, which is where ours is right now.

When his dad asked him the next day why he wanted a tree, my BF said it symbolized the move from his bachelor pad to an apartment where he is responsible for someone other than himself and has other responsibilities, like cleaning more than once every other month.

I thought that was a pretty profound answer. Before, I thought that he just liked trees.

Guys: What was leaving your bachelor pad like? Did you give up/gain anything in the move? How did living with a woman change how you lived?

Gals: What was it like when you decided to live with your SO/spouse? Did he have any habits you had to get used to? Did you give up/gain anything?

Is "great sex" ever enough?

2008-04-18T17:30:00.001-04:00

While talking to my one of my older relatives, she made a very interesting
revelation to me: She married her husband for the great sex.

Now, she and her husband have been married for nearly 20 years and have
kids, but she readily admits this is the reason she got in it. Now there are
plenty of times when they obviously drive each other insane and seem
incompatible. But she says the sex is still great and she doesn't want
anybody else and she's willing to work it out.

But when you think about it, how many people, especially those of a
particular sex, think a relationship can be built off of good sex. After one
night with a person, they think they've found the love of their life when it
was just a good night.

How many people do you think get married because of "great sex"? When basing
a relationship on this, do you believe it has potential for a real future?

The curse of being nice

2008-04-17T10:29:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine is in an interesting predicament.

There's this guy who she sees occasionally and talks to when their paths cross. Their conversations mostly consist of "How are you?" and dry banter about the weather. Now this guy has asked her to lunch, and she's not sure what to make of it.

Does he just want to go out to lunch with her because she's nice and he wants to be friends? Or does he want to go out to lunch with her like it's a date?

My friend's not really interested in the guy and doesn't really want to go to lunch with him, but she doesn't simply say no because, well, that's awkward. Plus, what if she is misreading his gesture? (Side note: she is in a relationship, so it's not like she's in a situation where she's looking for a guy and should "give him a chance.")

"This has been happening to me my whole life," my friend told me. "I think it's because I'm nice, ... and some people take it the wrong way."

Ah, the curse of niceness, which sometimes can be misconstrued as flirtation.

And I do have to say props to the guy for taking a chance, but seeing as how some gestures were probably misread, how does my friend go about correcting this situation (while still maintaining her nice demeanor)?

Should she avoid him until (hopefully) he forgets about it? Should she say something to him the next time she sees him? Should she go out to lunch anyway, on the pretense that everything is totally platonic?

Does anyone else have the curse of being nice? Have you friendly gestures ever been misread for more than they actually were?

Also, when is lunch, not just lunch? How do you know when someone's asking you out romantically or just thinks your a cool person and wants to be your friend?

Breaking the rules

2008-04-16T11:02:00.004-04:00

For so long in dating, we have held certain truths to be self-evident: Don't date a co-worker, don't sleep with someone on the first date and don't date a friends ex.

But, according to this msn.com article, some rules were meant to be broken.

The article lists seven dating rules to ditch, including:

Rule #1: Never date a co-worker
Obviously, there are plenty of good reasons to be cautious if you’ve fallen for someone you’ll be running into every day at the office coffee pot. But unless your company handbook forbids relationships between employees, there’s no reason why you should abandon any hope of romance. ...

Rule #2: Always wait for the third (or fourth... or fifth) date to have sex
OK, so we’ve all heard a relationship is doomed if you sleep together too soon. But sometimes our feelings just get the best of us, and that doesn’t necessarily mean it will amount to nothing more than a fling. Rather than sticking to some rigid, “no sex until date six” rule, trust your gut and enjoy the moment if it feels right for both of you. ...

Rule #3: Rebound relationships never last
Give yourself time, they always say. While it’s healthy to mourn a relationship’s passing, that doesn’t mean you should ignore anyone great you meet while you recoup. ...

Rule #4: Never date a friend’s ex
Your friends’ exes are usually off-limits when it comes to dating… but what if you felt a genuine connection with a friend’s old flame? This scenario can create a delicate situation for everyone involved, but according to Dennie Hughes, author of Dateworthy, there are ways to make it work. If you alert your pal to your feelings before acting on them, your friendship doesn’t necessarily need to suffer. ...

Rule #5: Only date one person at a time
Every so often, the stars align, and several new prospects come along at one time. But contrary to popular wisdom, you don’t have to settle for just one person. Hughes notes that playing the field is the smartest way to find what you’re really looking for. ...

Rule #6: Wait for your date to say “I love you” first
Saying the L-word for the first time is a huge turning point in any relationship, so it’s no wonder why most people say you should wait for your partner to take the lead. But contrary to popular belief ... there’s no hard and fast rule for saying those three little words. ...

Rule #7: Couples who are in love spend all their free time together
One of the perks of being in a relationship is always having a standing date to do anything, from going dancing to washing your car. But that doesn’t mean you and your partner have to be joined at the hip. Spending time apart is actually a secret of happy couples. ...

What do you think about throwing these rules out the window? While we're at it, what other rules would you get rid of?

Cheating: Does it count when it's all in the mind?

2008-04-15T16:48:00.000-04:00

"I broke up with him because he mentally cheats on me. He fantasizes about
other women."

This is the statement that I heard coming from my earpiece on what was
otherwise a rather peaceful afternoon the other day.

The person making the statements was obviously crying and explaining to me
how she casually asked her guy about whether he ever fantasizes about other
women (a question that I believe should remain in the "don't ask" category
permanently). He answered in the affirmative and she got mad.

I couldn't exactly see breaking up with a guy because he has fantasies about
Halle Berry. Now, if he was obsessive about it, that may be another story
and may indicate some other problems. If he was obsessively thinking about
the girl down the street and acknowledged it, then I may have to ponder.

There are those who say any form of thinking about another person is mental
cheating, even if it's recollecting moments from a past relationship. And
some of these people hold the belief that mental cheating is as bad as
physical cheatiing because mental cheating leads to physical cheating. While
I won't deny that physical cheating begins with mental cheating, I also
won't say it always leads to physical cheating. Just because someone thinks
something doesn't mean it will happen.

What do you consider mental cheating? Do you feel that it is a good reason
to break up with somebody?

Who's the boss?

2008-04-14T16:21:00.004-04:00

I have a confession to make.

I am a bossy person.

When I want something done, I want it done right. And most of the time, I think my way is the right way to do it.

While I think that it's positive that I recognize my bossiness, it's unfortunate that I often don't realize that I'm bossing people around until after I've already done it.

My boyfriend sometimes has to remind me that I am not the boss of him. Just this past weekend I told him I thought he should go through his closet and get rid of the clothes from 1996 that are out of style and don't fit him anymore. I think this is reasonable and is something I do with my own closet on a regular basis. (I mean, who really needs THAT many T-shirts?) However, I realize that I do have to remember that they are HIS clothes and not mine, so may be I should just shut up every now and then.

In relationships, I think it's pretty typical for one person to be bossier than the other. A relationship with two bossy people would never work out, mostly because each person would be too strong willed to give in to the demands of the other person.

Are you the bossy person in your relationship? If so, how do you keep it under control? Are you dating a bossy person? How do you deal with a bossy mate?

Say my name, say my name

2008-04-10T17:20:00.003-04:00

I've been known to mix up a name at one time or another, whether I'm on the phone and talking to one friend and call them by another one's name or I could know two people's names that sound somewhat alike and mix them up all the time.

However, because I'm aware of this, I tend to get more conscientious when I'm dating someone to make sure I don't succumb to my common fault.

Yet, there are some out there who are not so lucky. Whether it was a slip-up over the phone or to one's face, I'm met and have been friends with people who called their current by their ex's name, or worse, by the name of the person they were cheating on them with.

In some cases, the person just blew it off after a simple explanation was provided. The less lucky ones There have even been some who joked about it.

Have you ever called a significant other by the wrong name? How did they react? Have you ever been called by the wrong name and how did you react?

Out at the club

2008-04-09T15:25:00.003-04:00

I was out at the Dirty Iguana over the weekend, and one of my male friends remarked that he was surprised to see so many guys there.

He was under the impression that clubs were mostly for women to go out dancing, and when women are out dancing, they don't want to be picked up by men. I told him that for the most part, women go to clubs go for the same reason as men: to meet and flirt with members of the opposite sex. (Oh, and to drink.) Why else would the Dirty Iguana have stripper-like poles on the bar? For women to impress their friends? I think not.

Sure, there are some nights when we want to go out and have a girls night, but that doesn't necessarily mean no guys at all. It usually means no guys with whom we hang out on a regular basis. It gives single ladies a chance to explore outside their circle and meet guys they wouldn't normally be hanging out with otherwise.

Ladies: Do you want men to approach you when you're out at the club, or would you rather just chill with your girlfriends?

Men: Do you feel that women are unapproachable in clubs?