Is knowing about a criminal past essential?

Recently during a discussion, an associate noted she was upset with her boyfriend for not telling her about a crime he committed in his past. When he was young and dumb, he and his friends decided it would be cool to steal tires off of a car. At the age of 16, he served time after being caught.

Well now, he is in his mid-20s and appears to be one of the most straight arrows you will ever meet. Nevertheless, when she learned about this from his brother, she was upset because he never informed her of this in their three-year dating history. His argument: he didn't think to tell her.

Of course, the room was divided over this one. Some thought that he should have told her and by not telling her, it indicates he could be a liar or there are some other secrets he's keeping from her. Others thought a crime he committed at 16 was no reason to fret, unless it was something involving harming another human being. That, they said, could show potential problems to look for in the relationship.

So do you think a significant other or someone you are dating should inform you of their past? Do you think all arrests or incidents should be acknowledged? What factors come into play? Is the simple act of omission the main problem?

Dealing with a Jerk Face

Before I write this, I have to say that I have been incredibly lucky in that all the guys I've dated have had nice friends, and I never had to put up with anyone's crap.

That being said, not everyone is so lucky. Sometimes your significant other has a friend who is simply a jerk. Or maybe he's not even a jerk, and your two personalities just clash. Either way, he's someone you don't want to be around if you can help it.

In this situation, you really can't ask your SO to stop hanging out with his friend. He had friends before you, and he will have friends after you, whether you like it or not. Plus, if you ask him to stop hanging out with someone you don't like, then you become the jerk.

You can try to limit your contact with the other person, although it might get awkward if everyone starts asking why you keep ducking out whenever Jerk Face is around. Or you can just suck it up and put up with the guy, which is probably the most tactful way to deal with it.

Of course, the story changes if the other person is insulting you. In that case, I think your SO should definitely stand up for you. Even a simple, "Hey man, cool it," should do the trick. And if he doesn't stand up for you, maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship. No one should let others knock down those they care about. (That goes for friends, too, which means, no knocking his ... at least to his face.)

Have you ever dated anyone who had a Jerk Face friend? What was particularly offensive about the person? How did you deal with the situation?

How cowardly can you get?

Oh how I love technology. It has taken cowardice to a whole new level when you can't just tell someone you don't want to see them anymore.

Take this example. A friend of mine had been dating a guy for the past three months. They talked on the phone every day. It was great. Then, a couple of weeks ago, NOTHING. He didn't call her. She tried to call him, but he wouldn't pick up his phone.

But he did manage to reactivate his Facebook account and notify the whole Internet community that he had indeed returned to his ex-girlfriend. Of course, my friend was upset.

But then again, we are living in an era when you can request a divorce through a text message a la Britney Spears.

But cowardice is nothing new. I once had a guy stand me up for a date and completely disappear- and he lived on the same block as I did. He returned on the scene about two months later, but still.

So I pose the following questions to you: Has anyone you ever dated made such a cowardly move in telling you it was over? What did they do and how did you react?

Sex and desire: Why people cheat

People cheat. Men cheat and women cheat. But why do they cheat?

According to this article, men and women have different reasons.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the top three reasons why men cheat are all related to sex. They're not getting enough sex. They're not getting the right kind of sex. They want to take advantage of an opportunity where they can have sex without getting caught.

But for women, the top three reasons for infidelity don't have to do with physical needs but rather emotional ones. They want emotional closeness. They want attention. They want to be desired.

So what should we take away from all this? Women need to have more sex with their men, and men need to make their women feel more desirable? Is the key to a life-long committed relationship really that easy?

Perhaps if everyone just communicated their needs and partners actually listened and complied, we'd have a lot lower divorce rate. But I'm no therapist.

If you've cheated on someone, why did you cheat? If you partner cheated on you, why did he/she cheat? Is the sex/emotional argument for why men and women cheat too simplistic?

Does a key to your heart entitles one to a key to your apartment?

Last night, I was talking to a friend about her current relationship. One issue she said she plans to stand firm on is not letting her boyfriend get a key to her apartment. In her mind, giving a key could lead to possible intrusion. But, to be fair, she wouldn't want a key to his place either.

I really can't blame her because I'm admittedly territorial. I don't even like management coming in for their annual inspections or to clean my carpet. It could also lead to all types of situations where your significant other overstays their welcome. I know I have days where I worked hard and just want to go home and relax and be alone. I would hate to come in and my guy is sitting there doing whatever, or worse yet, invited friends over. A woman's house is and should be her castle.

Also, what happens if you break up. I know we all hope we date a sane person, but what if the person doesn't want to give your key back. What if they turn into some type of stalker? Then you have to go through changing your locks and possibly putting in a restraining order. No one wants to go through that.

Do you believe in giving a significant other should get a key to your place? What factors play a role in making that decision? What happens when you break up?

The questions before "Do you take this man ...?"

Nearly every wedding-themed article I read cautions against getting too caught up in the wedding itself and not the marriage. Marriages take work — and not just the kind of work that revolves around what color the flowers should be. Many ministers will not marry a couple unless the pair goes through pre-marital counseling. I think this is a very good idea.

In 2006, The New York Times ran a list of 15 questions that couples should ask each other before marrying. I don't know that any of the questions would be deal breakers (that would depend on your own personal opinions), but at least you will know what to expect going into the marriage. Never assume you know the answer. Just ask.

Here's a sample of some of the questions:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

What do you think about these questions? Are there any you would add to the list? What do you think about pre-marital counseling? What would you do if in discussing these questions, you and your partner came up with different answers?

Dating as a separated woman

This morning while listening to a radio talk show, a woman wrote in about how, as a woman separated from her husband, she found it difficult to date.

People who called in advised her to get a divorce so she could move on. Many informed her that no man would want her as long as she was someone's wife.

I couldn't imagine being a guy dating a separated woman. I imagine it could be difficult enough dating someone coming out of a divorce, but at least with a divorce, there is some official closure. With a separation, there's no closure and there's always a chance she could go back to her husband. I don't really see most people advising a wife to choose her boyfriend over her husband or the father of her children. And being the new guy, you are competing with history and that can be an interesting battle.

I also understand that these wives need someone to love and adore them too. But hey, if it's over, I think it's better to get a divorce. It's not fair to you or the spouse or even the children who do pick up on such foolishness. If you're really trying to work it out, there should be no dating.

Are there any woman out there who have tried to date while separated from their husbands? What came of it? For the guys out there, have you ever dated a woman who was separated from her husband? Do you think you could ever date a woman who was separated from her husband?

Keep it or toss it?

Once a relationship ends, do you keep items of sentimental value, or do you toss them?

I'm not necessarily talking about material items that have some monetary value or other use. One of my exes gave me a blender — yes, a blender — and I still have that, along with a piece of jewelry I was given. But when it comes to things like letters, I usually throw them out either a) when the relationship is over or b) when I am over the guy.

As far as I can tell, there are only two reasons why people might keep items of sentimental value from past relationships:

1. The items serve as reminders that at one time they were wanted and loved by somebody else.
2. They are not really over the other person.

Now put another person into the equation. Say you start seeing someone else, and you still have these sentimental items from the previous relationship. This could be problematic if you keep the items because of reason No. 2, and your new beau could get (reasonably) jealous. Your new beau may even get jealous if you keep them because of reason No. 1, but he or she still thinks you have feelings for your ex. So now, do you hide the items from your new beau?

Mixing the past with the present and possibly future is always a tricky scenario. How would you navigate it? Do you keep or toss items of sentimental value?

Wedding and exes don't mix

So last night, I was watching a wedding take place on One Tree Hill, a recent development of mine in the guilty pleasure department.

Anyway, one of the main characters was getting married, while his old flame who definitely still wants him looked on. The bride was very aware of this, yet still accepted her as her fiancee's friend at the wedding.

I say red flag on the play.

If I was still in love with an ex (or at least thought I was), I wouldn't be at his wedding because I know it would be an emotional roller coaster for myself . Furthermore, if I was a bride, I don't believe I would knowingly invite my fiancee's ex who is still in love with him. That would just make me uncomfortable.

However, I do understand situations arise where an ex may just truly be a thing of the past. They may have been good friends and tried a relationship and it didn't work out but still managed to be friends. It could've been a fluke that happened 10 years ago and again, they were friends and remained friends. Usually, in these situations, the bride can even become a part of the friendship in her own way. When this happen, as long as no one is being phony, I guess the ex could be at the wedding.

But I think you know and feel the vibe when the friend who is also an ex would likely switch places with the bride in a heartbeat. That friend should not be at the wedding, especially if alcohol is involved.

What do you think of inviting your fiancee's exes to a wedding? What do you think of attending your own ex's wedding?

Taking a chance on rejection

Sorry for not posting to the blog yesterday. My boyfriend's sister has come to town from out-of-state, and we spent a long weekend in Savannah. I had such a fun, carefree time that updating the blog just slipped my mind.

On the drive back last night, we had a conversation about why some people get dates and some people don't.

Obviously, there is a wide variety of answers that could accompany this question, but we thought we pinpointed it down to one thing: some people try and some people don't. The simple answer is that you have to put yourself out there for rejection in order to potentially get something back. You have to be OK with being just friends with some people. You have to be cognizant of the fact that for every five (or more) people you ask out, maybe only one will say "yes." But when you find that person, weren't the previous rejections worth it?

Of course, just putting yourself out there is not an easy thing to do. There's an (understandable) fear of failure, and it takes a lot of work. You can't just sit back and expect people to find you. You have to find them.

A lot of bloggers comment about not being able to find a date or that Macon has no decent men or women. I challenge them to really think about how hard they are looking.

Perhaps I'm just seeing the world through rose-colored glasses, though, given my current situation. As always, take all presumptuous advice with a grain of salt.

Questions, comments and snide remarks welcome. Have a happy Tuesday!

Stand by your man

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've been bombarded by images of soon-to-be former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer apologizing for his involvement in a prostitution ring and resigning as his wife looked on.

As this story unfolds, many women across the country have said "that would not be me standing by him." "He would not make a fool of me like that."

On the other hand, other women have pontificated on how much she can gain from his guilt. There are others who say she must do it for her children.

However, Dina Matos explained how surreal the experience is and how his wife has to consider what is best for the rest of her family. She had to live through it herself more than three years ago when her then-husband James McGreevey, who served as governor of New Jersey, told the nation he was gay after an affair.

I know it's easier to use logic when you are not in someone else's shoes. But I don't think I could stand there as gracefully if my husband publicly humiliated me by cheating on me. I don't think I could do it in front of friends and family, let alone the entire country.

How do you think you would handle the situation? What do you think of the way Silda Wall Spitzer is handling it?

Lying to get the girl (or guy)

Last night my boyfriend was watching an episode of that Scott Baio reality show on VH1. In this particular episode Scott's desperate friend, Johnny, signs up on a Jewish online dating site — even though he is not Jewish — to help him meet women.

Talk about setting himself up for failure. Once women he meets finds out that he lied to them, the possibilities of any relationship will go right down the drain. Even if he manages to pull off the guise for any meaningful amount of time, all trust will be lost once the truth is eventually discovered. (And it will be discovered. No one can play it off for that long.)

At the very least, I know I would dump him on the spot.

Have you ever dated anyone who lied to make themselves appear more desirable to you? How long was that person able to pull it off? Did you forgive the lie?

Remember, I'm not talking about little lies, like saying he likes fish when he really doesn't. I'm talking about the big ones, like pretending to belong to another religion.

The juggling act live and in living color

Recently, I witnessed a situation reminiscent of almost every bad sitcom I've ever watched that focused on twenty somethings.

While out to dinner with a group of friends a couple of nights ago, one of the guy friends invited one of his female friends to join us. She came and sat down next to him and introduced herself to the group. Obviously she was very interested in the guy. Within about an hour or so, he has invited another female friend of his came along and sat right on the other side of him. She appeared to be interested in him as well. He appeared, initally, to be interested in both of them.

Needless to say, his first friend was visibly upset, switching up her body language and pouting. However, his second friend sat there aloof as if she had no clue what was going on. Eventually, he went to consult with some of his male friends and made his choice for the evening. Let's just say many of the women at the table had never been privy to such an occurrence before.

After everything was said and done, he decided to spend the rest of the evening with girl #2.

Now, when I used to watch these types of situations on television, I used to wonder how the person got away with it and could anyone really be that oblivious. Now, I see.

Have you ever found yourself in such a situation? How did you react? If you've never been in such a situation, how do you think you would react?

Nice to meet you. Let's get married.

On my way to an assignment yesterday morning, I caught about five minutes of Star 94's new morning show. The crew was checking in with a couple they had married on their show about a week ago. Prior to getting hitched, the couple had only known each other since Jan. 1, 2008.

Yes, you read that right. They have only known each other since Jan. 1 of this year. That means they only knew each other about two months before marrying. And one of those months was the shortest month of the year!

Some say that sometimes you just know when you meet the right person. I say that's just the quickest route to divorce.

I mean, come on. There's no way two people can really know each other after two months. Lots of people can seem awesome after two months, but after a year you can be ready to dump them. Some things, such as habits (good and bad), morals and long-term goals and priorities, don't really fully show themselves until after a relationship has developed. And, in my opinion, that takes more than two months.

Sometimes a quick marriage may work. But I think overall that's rare, and if you really love each other, there should be no problem waiting to make sure it's really what both of you want.

What do you think about people getting married shortly after they meet? Do you think there's an appropriate wait time for how long couples have been dating before they consider marriage? What are your own experiences?

Is a kiss really just a kiss?

Recently, a close friend of mine was baffled by an action taken by one of her "friends with benefits."

During one of their encounters, her FWB kissed her on the forehead out of the blue. Ever since, she's been thinking about the action and its meaning. To her, the kiss was too endearing for the type of situation they had created. So, of course, she went around asking everyone for their insight and input, getting everything from "he probably just missed her mouth" to "he's in the process of catching a feeling."

My friend is still confused and wondering was it just a simple kiss.

A Google search easily reveals to anyone interested that kisses can be interpreted millions of ways.

A kiss on the hand means "I adore you." A kiss on the cheek means "I just want to be friends." A kiss on the neck means "I want you." A kiss on the lips means "I love you." The list goes on and on, at least in that one article.

So guys and girls, what do you think of the article's view on kisses and their meanings? Do you place specific meanings with different types of kisses and what are they? Or do you think a kiss is just simply and truly a kiss?

Calling all men for this poll

I have a friend who recently received breast implants, and it got me thinking about how much men actually care about the size of a woman's breasts when it comes to dating.

I have asked my own boyfriend's opinion on the matter, and his response basically was that he's not a "boob guy" and couldn't care less about the size of a woman's breasts. Although I am inclined to believe that any decent guy would go out with a woman regardless of her size , I'm sure there are some men out there who would beg to differ.

So today's blog is less of my opinion and more of a poll:

Do guys actually care about the size of a woman's breast? Does it affect how attractive or unattractive you find a woman?

Think he/she is cheating, check their bank account

When trying to decipher whether a significant other is cheating, phone records, e-mails and possibly even credit card statements may come to mind.

But according to this article, there are several other ways to use a person's finances to determine whether they are cheating. For instance, you can note surprise withdrawals from joint bank accounts or the existence of an unknown separate bank account. There are even ways to use income tax returns and asset liquidation as indicators.

These all sound like good indicators, yet, things I would never think to check. Then again, I'm not married and the only thing I ever noticed about a boyfriend's financial records were how many overdraft slips he received in the mail. And that's because he would rip them open right in front of me.

What do you think of using financial signs as a way to tell your partner is cheating? Have you ever used any of these methods?

The secret's in the 'stache

"Even I think Tom Selleck is hot." — My mustache-wearing heterosexual coworker

One of my coworkers recently has started growing a mustache for a party he's going to this weekend. Besides being extra hairy, the 'stache has had some unintended, but welcome, side effects.

It seems that since my coworker started growing this mustache, women have been hitting on him. An old acquaintance approached him in a restaurant and gave him her card, which had her personal phone number written on the back. Two women started chatting him up in K-Mart, and again, one of them gave him her card.

My coworker has admitted that he has just been "on" his game recently, but it seems that the mustache is contributing in some way.

I have combed the Internet looking for scientific research on how facial hair relates to sexual attraction, but for the most part I've come up empty handed.

Here's what an oblique reference in the United Kingdom's Daily Mail said about the issue:

Male facial hair - hot or not? Studies in the 1970s and 1980s often came to opposite conclusions. Bearded men are usually regarded as looking older and more masculine, dominant, courageous and confident, but that doesn't mean that women want to go to bed with them. Some find beards a turn-off and associate them with being dirty. Beards have no basis in evolutionary history, so whether you like them depends on fashion and individual taste. Here's a handy guide: Johnny Depp, hot; Alan Sugar, not.

That was the only instance I found referring to a real study. But even that focuses more on the beard than the mustache.

Various other Web sites explored facial hair as a means of attraction but not in any scientific way.

From KissMeGoodnight.com:

Facial Hair: Women all have differing opinions when it comes to guys and facial hair. For some, any facial hair at all is a turn off and for others, the more facial hair the better. Before you decide to shave off that moustache or grow a goatee, check with your special someone and find out what she prefers. If you do have a beard or moustache, keep it neat and clean. Trim it on a regular basis, too.

This Web site helps you calculate how your facial hair fits into your level of attraction. Note that facial hair by itself gives you more points than facial hair and heavy body hair.

All things considered, do you think there's magic in the mustache? Ladies: Do you find facial hair attractive? Why or why not? Guys: Do you think your facial hair helps you attract women? Why or why not?

Who knew childhood spanking could have an effect on your adult sex life?

Like most of my peers, I grew up during a time when if a child did something wrong, they were spanked. If you ran out into the middle of the street, you got a spanking. If you pushed your sibling or cousin down a flight of stairs, you got a spanking. If you listened to George Carlin and Redd Foxx records and decided to recite every joke, again, you got a spanking.

However, those little spankings from Mom and Dad for breaking the glass coffee table could have an adverse effect on your adult sexual relationships.

The Newsweek article focuses on a study that shows how childhood spanking could lead to risky and abusive sexual behaviors. Those who were spanked were more likely to coerce dates into having sex and also more likely not to use a condom during intercourse. The study also showed those who were spanked were more likely to be aroused by masochistic sex.

I don't think this holds true for myself or most of my friends and we all will pretty much readily admit we got spanked as children.

Were you spanked as a child and do you think it has had any effect on your adult relationships, particularly sexually? What do you think of the article's findings and suggestions?

Do you date people like your best friend?

The kind of person your best friend is may reveal the kind of person you seek out in a significant other, according to an article on msn.com.

(N)ext time you’re thinking about what you want from a romantic partner, think about your BFF—and think about the qualities he or she has. You’re friends for a reason. Whether your pal is the life of the party or the big sibling you never had, chances are this person has a special quality that reflects what you need from a man or woman.

Interesting concept. The article goes on to describe different friend types and tell you how that type would be as a partner.

I tried to apply that logic to my own relationship, though, and didn't really see a correlation. I would say most of close friends fit into different types, and my boyfriend is even a different type from them.

Figure that one out.

Do you see yourself gravitating toward SO's who are like your best friends, or are they totally different?